by RetroRomper » Wed Oct 07, 2020 11:33 am
Casual Observer wrote: ↑Wed Oct 07, 2020 11:25 am
RetroRomper wrote: ↑Wed Oct 07, 2020 8:52 amI'm well aware that my behavior has been similar, but my poor behavior doesn't in any form justify the way I've been treated by Ben.
This.
This sentence sums up exactly the crux of my problem with borderline people. I live with a borderline person. It's infuriating to deal with someone who won't work on changing how they treat people but think they have some right to complain about other people doing similar things to them. It may be driven by insecurity and low self esteem but it comes off as sociopathic and uncaring about their own actions.
I'm seeing two therapists, one of which specializes in BPD and another who has been working with me through my interpersonal foibles. I have a great Psychiatrist who has been actively validating how well he's seen me doing, and I'm working with an Occupation Therapist to reorder and resolve executive functioning issues around my ADHD.
One thing that is forgotten when talking about people with BPD, is that on a very deep level we don't have control over ourselves in the moment and it takes a whole hell of alot of mental and physical introspection and work to identify it before it happens and to keep ourselves in a head space where our emotions (which are 5x higher than the average person and can sustain themselves over hours or days: imagine being angry over something small, that then because of the physiology of your brain, persists over a week) don't pull us down and pull other people in.
A large tenet of therapy when dealing with someone with BPD, is to allow them the grace to say "this isn't me and isn't who I want to become" after an episode that burned down their entire life and pushed all of their friends and family away. Should I keep reminding myself of that, how I couldn't control my anger and felt "righteous," which resulted in me losing two friend's I've been close with for over six years of our lives and a few others I was working closely with? I've improved, I've gotten better, and I've learned that I need to accept that these things happen and do what I can to mitigate them.
Otherwise, the brain damage and chemical imbalances win and I succumb to being this awful, terrible, cruel person and that is the very last thing I want.
[quote="Casual Observer" post_id=115511 time=1602095147 user_id=77]
[quote=RetroRomper post_id=115484 time=1602085931 user_id=879]I'm well aware that my behavior has been similar, but my poor behavior doesn't in any form justify the way I've been treated by Ben.[/quote]This.
This sentence sums up exactly the crux of my problem with borderline people. I live with a borderline person. It's infuriating to deal with someone who won't work on changing how they treat people but think they have some right to complain about other people doing similar things to them. It may be driven by insecurity and low self esteem but it comes off as sociopathic and uncaring about their own actions.
[/quote]
I'm seeing two therapists, one of which specializes in BPD and another who has been working with me through my interpersonal foibles. I have a great Psychiatrist who has been actively validating how well he's seen me doing, and I'm working with an Occupation Therapist to reorder and resolve executive functioning issues around my ADHD.
One thing that is forgotten when talking about people with BPD, is that on a very deep level we don't have control over ourselves in the moment and it takes a whole hell of alot of mental and physical introspection and work to identify it before it happens and to keep ourselves in a head space where our emotions (which are 5x higher than the average person and can sustain themselves over hours or days: imagine being angry over something small, that then because of the physiology of your brain, persists over a week) don't pull us down and pull other people in.
A large tenet of therapy when dealing with someone with BPD, is to allow them the grace to say "this isn't me and isn't who I want to become" after an episode that burned down their entire life and pushed all of their friends and family away. Should I keep reminding myself of that, how I couldn't control my anger and felt "righteous," which resulted in me losing two friend's I've been close with for over six years of our lives and a few others I was working closely with? I've improved, I've gotten better, and I've learned that I need to accept that these things happen and do what I can to mitigate them.
Otherwise, the brain damage and chemical imbalances win and I succumb to being this awful, terrible, cruel person and that is the very last thing I want.