Best - or at least good - funny dirty jokes, off-color stories, limerics, or poems. etc,

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Re: Best - or at least good - funny dirty jokes, off-color stories, limerics, or poems. etc,

Post by pinback »

Ah, the last one. I didn't notice there were two others. Which I also liked!
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Re: Best - or at least good - funny dirty jokes, off-color stories, limerics, or poems. etc,

Post by raecoffey »

Did you like any of those 3?
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Re: Best - or at least good - funny dirty jokes, off-color stories, limerics, or poems. etc,

Post by raecoffey »

Black Christmas

There’s no snow on your grave

this Christmas, only mud. And the trees,

so lost in the moment, are budding



in late December. Father speaks

of Angels visiting shepherds,

while Demons appear to mothers.



There’s a sliver of moon, frozen

like a tear in the great

expanse of sky. And as if Death



weren’t so obviously

mocking me; the crows pepper the sky

with caws, one octave short of

the banshee's wail.
Lorelie Kraus the 1st

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Re: Best - or at least good - funny dirty jokes, off-color stories, limerics, or poems. etc,

Post by pinback »

That one wasn't as funny.
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Re: Best - or at least good - funny dirty jokes, off-color stories, limerics, or poems. etc,

Post by raecoffey »

Pantoum for Nite-Nite, the stuffed bunny rabbit.


Sir Nite-Nite opens wide his arms to you –

From baby’s breath to toddler’s eyes agleam,

When mother’s breast and lullaby were through,

He took you to the place where children dream,



From baby’s breath to toddler’s eyes agleam.

He watched in awe as you began to dance,

Then carried you back to where the children dream,

And stood, arms-crossed, on-guard in Knightly stance,



Wide-eyed he watched as you began to dance.

He feared that someday childhood would end,

But stayed on-guard, cross-armed in Knightly stance,

The fierce protector of his only friend.



And when your childhood never came to end,

He searched where children dreamt and angels flew,

And found his lost, beloved, little friend,

– With arms embraced forever, Nite-Nite and you
Lorelie Kraus the 1st

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Re: Best - or at least good - funny dirty jokes, off-color stories, limerics, or poems. etc,

Post by raecoffey »

Well maybe you guys don't appreciate free verse or pantoums? I have some sonnets...
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Re: Best - or at least good - funny dirty jokes, off-color stories, limerics, or poems. etc,

Post by raecoffey »

Not all of my poetry is about Noel...
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Re: Best - or at least good - funny dirty jokes, off-color stories, limerics, or poems. etc,

Post by AArdvark »


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Re: Best - or at least good - funny dirty jokes, off-color stories, limerics, or poems. etc,

Post by Tdarcos »

Therw is a scene in the movie Armageddon where Bruce Willis is trying to drill into an Asteroid to break it apart before it crashes into earth. The asteroid is solid iron, extremely hard, As the drill is having to do a lot of work, they have multiple deill bits, multiple transmissions to operate the drill, and other redundancies. At one point the drill bit gets stuck, and the transmission.burned out. He needs to tell the team to bring out another tranamission, so, over the radio, he saya,"I just blew a tranny."


- - - -
Sent from a mobiile phone.


These messages have been sponsored by Good Intentions Paving Company, LtLC. "When the Road to Hell is paved, it will be paved by Good Intentions."

Good Intentions Paving Company, LLC.
"We will pave it!"
Evil cannot create anything new
They can only corrupt and ruin
What good forces have invented or made.
- J.R.R. Tolkien

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Re: Best - or at least good - funny dirty jokes, off-color stories, limerics, or poems. etc,

Post by bryanb »

Rae, I thought your poems were both really good and deeply moving. I think we all might have been a little thrown off initially because they weren't funny, dirty, or off-color, but when I studied the thread title more closely I realized Tdarcos had left a giant loophole that enabled the posting of all kinds of poems. You drove right on through like a boss. Let me be the first to say that this is now the official Poetry of Despair and Longing thread.

Keep right on posting!

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Re: Best - or at least good - funny dirty jokes, off-color stories, limerics, or poems. etc,

Post by raecoffey »

bryanb wrote: Wed Jan 25, 2023 7:08 pm Rae, I thought your poems were both really good and deeply moving. I think we all might have been a little thrown off initially because they weren't funny, dirty, or off-color, but when I studied the thread title more closely I realized Tdarcos had left a giant loophole that enabled the posting of all kinds of poems. You drove right on through like a boss. Let me be the first to say that this is now the official Poetry of Despair and Longing thread.

Keep right on posting!
Lol yeah, there was a huge loophole...
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Re: Best - or at least good - funny dirty jokes, off-color stories, limerics, or poems. etc,

Post by Tdarcos »

I discovered, Brian,
Tbat you are right
With ambiguous rules
I did write
The appearance here
of poems clean, and not really funny
and so it seems, my nose is runny.
I did not smell, in my classic haste
A loophole I made, which another would taste
For Raecoffey did deduce, from what I said
That jokes and stories must be of smut
Poems and limrricks need not.
You're right, I couldn' figure out why she
was posting of poems, both clean and somber
which caused me to need to ponder.
And so we know of my attempt at wit
And if my poem has bad scansion
remember, you're not paying for it
Evil cannot create anything new
They can only corrupt and ruin
What good forces have invented or made.
- J.R.R. Tolkien

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raecoffey
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Re: Best - or at least good - funny dirty jokes, off-color stories, limerics, or poems. etc,

Post by raecoffey »

Tdarcos wrote: Thu Jan 26, 2023 11:30 pm I discovered, Brian,
Tbat you are right
With ambiguous rules
I did write
The appearance here
of poems clean, and not really funny
and so it seems, my nose is runny.
I did not smell, in my classic haste
A loophole I made, which another would taste
For Raecoffey did deduce, from what I said
That jokes and stories must be of smut
Poems and limrricks need not.
You're right, I couldn' figure out why she
was posting of poems, both clean and somber
which caused me to need to ponder.
And so we know of my attempt at wit
And if my poem has bad scansion
remember, you're not paying for it
He he that was great!
Lorelie Kraus the 1st

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Tdarcos
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Re: Best - or at least good - funny dirty jokes, off-color stories, limerics, or poems. etc,

Post by Tdarcos »

I know a girl
Her name is Sam
She uses a tortilla
For a diaphragm.
Evil cannot create anything new
They can only corrupt and ruin
What good forces have invented or made.
- J.R.R. Tolkien

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Re: Best - or at least good - funny dirty jokes, off-color stories, limerics, or poems. etc,

Post by Tdarcos »

My next book to read:
"How to do anal sex," by Ben Dover.
Evil cannot create anything new
They can only corrupt and ruin
What good forces have invented or made.
- J.R.R. Tolkien

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Re: Best - or at least good - funny dirty jokes, off-color stories, limerics, or poems. etc,

Post by Casual Observer »

Tdarcos wrote: Fri Mar 10, 2023 4:59 pm I know a girl
Her name is Sam
She uses a tortilla
For a diaphragm.
Bing enabled ChatGPT, right? You gotta have the anal upgrade.

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Re: Best - or at least good - funny dirty jokes, off-color stories, limerics, or poems. etc,

Post by Horus P. Truthteller »

What did the mushroom say when he tossed the contents of chamber pot out the window?

Look out, Portobello!

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Re: Best - or at least good - funny dirty jokes, off-color stories, limerics, or poems. etc,

Post by Ice Cream Jonsey »

Good to see you, Horus.
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!

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Re: Best - or at least good - funny dirty jokes, off-color stories, limerics, or poems. etc,

Post by Tdarcos »

Casual Observer wrote: Mon Mar 20, 2023 1:16 pm
Tdarcos wrote: Fri Mar 10, 2023 4:59 pm I know a girl
Her name is Sam
She uses a tortilla
For a diaphragm.
Bing enabled ChatGPT, right? You gotta have the anal upgrade.
Nope, this is from a movie. It's much older than that. And your answer is meaningless; you don't need contraception if doing anal sex.
Evil cannot create anything new
They can only corrupt and ruin
What good forces have invented or made.
- J.R.R. Tolkien

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Re: Best - or at least good - funny dirty jokes, off-color stories, limerics, or poems. etc,

Post by Tdarcos »

Girlfriend: I'm breaking up with you!
Boyfriend: Why?
Girlfriend: You're a pedophile!
Boyfriend: Wow, that's a big word for a 12-year=old!
Evil cannot create anything new
They can only corrupt and ruin
What good forces have invented or made.
- J.R.R. Tolkien

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