Ice Cream Jonsey wrote: ↑Wed Mar 22, 2023 6:14 pm
Tdarcos wrote: ↑Wed Mar 22, 2023 3:56 pm
And again, you've failed to give any explanation about why a
It's because you are autistic AND painfully arrogant, which is a hell of a combination.
You don't understand how humans relate to one another, but that can't posssssssssssssssibly be it,
Did you ever think that i might be trying to understand?
Ice Cream Jonsey wrote: ↑Wed Mar 22, 2023 6:14 pm
although that's always it, and I feel bad giving you a hard time about it. But you're so arrogant about it.
Okay, I don't understand how people are, you give me a hard time about it, I ask why, and you tell me I'm being arrogant.
Tdarcos wrote: ↑Wed Mar 22, 2023 3:56 pm
The problem with your creepy, made-up scenario is when the guy has a "shower conversation" with the woman.
What do you mean by a "shower conversation?" I pointed out that in the scenario, he's doing this while standing at the door about to leave. If this is some sort of analogy or metaphor, I don't get it.
Ice Cream Jonsey wrote: ↑Wed Mar 22, 2023 6:14 pm
That's where everyone stops taking the guy's side. If, in your made up scenario, the guy didn't painfully articulate his position people wouldn't flock to the other side, no matter what it was.
Yes, I know people don't articulate their position. In the real world, he'd simply have ghosted her and went on to find another woman.
i'm also trying to point out something. She never tells him to stop asking her, that she needs time to think about it, or whatever. Therefore she apparently likes the attention. Typically, if you hit on a woman and either you're a creep, or she's classified you as "not interesting," either she'll tell you to stop asking her, stop the date and leave, or both.
I suppose I could have just done the whole scenario in his head, in which he thinks about it, realizes if he tells her the points as to why, she's going to assign all kinds of entitled behavior, then tells her "you wouldn't understand," and leaves. There would never be an exposition. He'd simply stop calling he and leave it at that. She probably wouldn't call him back and would be miffed that he stopped asking her out.
Ice Cream Jonsey wrote: ↑Wed Mar 22, 2023 6:14 pm
You don't understand anything about the culture you live in, and the entire post comes off as some sort of sad reverse power fantasy. Ohhhh I'll show HER.... I have the power!
Now, you have it wrong. She has all the power. She said no. So he's leaving. And he tells her to be courteous rather than ghost her. She has all of the power here. He is not forcing her, he's just refusing to deal with her further on her terms.
You seem to forget. In a dating situation, unless he's some famous actor or musician where she's very interested,
she has
all the power in this situation. He is trying to sell her on the idea that he would be a good choice with whom to beome intimate. He does this by showing her a courtesy, a nice time, and how he acts in public. But on the first date, she says no. He tries another date to do someting else. He asks her again. She says no again. So he tries a third time, he goes out with her on another date to do things, and asks her if she's interested in intimacy, and her answer is still no. So, he wasn't good enogh for her, and he stops bothering. All of the power in this scenario belongs to her because he wants something she has and can't get it without her permission.
Consider the scenario when buying a car. You walk up to a dealership. The salesman tries to sell you a car. Who has the power - all of the power - in this situation? The customer or the salesman? As much as people rag on car salesmen - with good reason - all the power in this interaction is in the hands of the customer. They can walk away at any time. So the salesman offers a test drive. The customer tries it and says he'll think about it, then leaves. He comes back another day. The salesman offers him another test drive. He says he'll think about it, then leaves. He comes back another day. He takes another test drive. He says he'll think about it, then leaves.
Do yo think by now maybe the salesman is going to think it's too hard to get that customer to buy something, so the next time he comes in looking to take a test drive, the salesman won't bother with him any more? Maybe not after only three tries, but sooner or later he'll realize he ain't gonna make a sale. So, if he decides when he gets tired of it that the customer buy something, or go waste the time of some other salesman.
In the dating scenario, the salesman is the guy taking her out on a date, the sex he wants is the sale, and the woman is the customer. She has all the power because she can walk away.
In the case of a date it is the same thing. She has all the power, because he's going on a date to meet a girl, and maybe find a girlfriend She can end this at any time. He wants to be with a woman, so he has to go along with taking her someplace, and trying to sell her on himself. If he hasn't piqued her interest, she says no. He figures maybe if he can try again he can show her he can bw intersting. so, at some poinr, whether it's the third date, or the seventh, he'll realize she just isn't interested. So, he tells her goodbye, and leaves, throwing in the proverbial towel. Never calls her again. So let's say she calls him back to find out why. If she asks why, he might just simply say, "I could explain, but you probably won't understand it's too complicated."
So, if she hangs up, then tht's it. But let's say she really wants to know why. All I am essentially dong is dropping the intermediaqte ghosting-callback scenario and explaining why.
In this particular case I decided to explain his reasoning. He tried to attract her. After three times, he figures she's not interested. So then she is going to get indignant like she thinks he thinks he's entitled to have sex, or he thinks she owes it to him because he spent money on her. And he points out, it's not the money, he isn't entitled to anything and she owes him nothing. The idea is, he's willing to try this many times, and if she says no, he'll respect her decision, and go elsewhere.
The whole point was to show that he is willing to try three times with her, and if she rejects hin, so be it. But if she wants to know why, he'll tell her.
Even in the final scenario, she still has
all the power. She can still turn him down. All that he is saying is if he's going to spend any more time with her, she has to give him a reason to want to stay. It's basically a "fish or cut bait" scenario. Accept me, and my terms or reject me, I want more than just companionship. You can choose to go further, or not, but no half measures.
Ice Cream Jonsey wrote: ↑Wed Mar 22, 2023 6:14 pmAnd then your painful attempt to justify it:
I was
not trying to justify it. I was trying to understand why you objected. Since you wouldn't tell me, I had to guess, and I guessed wrong. Your problem wasn't that he set a "three date limit" before bailing, it's that he explained his reasoning. In the real world, he wouldn't explain why he quit, he'd just tell her she wouldn't understand and walk out.
I asked those questions to try to understand
why you rejected the scenario. I got the impression when you took the woman's side, that you meant he's wrtong for breaking up with her; what your problem was that normally, he'd just walk away and wouldn't explain, or if asked tell her she wouldn't understand and walk away.