Talk about the best sex you ever had in your life!

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Thu Jun 05, 2003 4:38 pm

Enough of this movie horseshit! We wanna hear all the nasty, dirty secrets that you never tell anyone except your closest confidants and everyone on your ICQ channel!

What's the BEST SEX YOU EVER HAD!??!?

Me, I think it was that time I actually had sex!

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Thu Jun 05, 2003 5:37 pm

Hmm. Maybe I'm asking the wrong crowd, in retrospect.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Thu Jun 05, 2003 5:39 pm

Christ. At least let us get out of work before we get into the lurid details.

Goddamn you're skittish and anxious. I somehow gave the sex base to the one yank most in need of a wank.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Thu Jun 05, 2003 6:24 pm

"Oh, it's all so ironic..." - Jared Leto, _Panic Room_

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Thu Jun 05, 2003 6:56 pm

pinback wrote:"Oh, it's all so ironic..." - Jared Leto, _Panic Room_

Look, man. I am *actively trying* to get women within the sound of this text into bed. I don't think it's in my best interests to express myself within this particular thread. And it would take you approximately .000069105 seconds to say, "Thanks, Jonsey!!!" if some post by digital depression made it to the BBS.

But I APPLAUD the effort. The rest of you rubes:

1) Log out.
2) Think of a gimmick name.
3) Answer the man's question.
4) Be cruel.

ChainGangGuy · Post by **ChainGangGuy** » Thu Jun 05, 2003 9:20 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote: 4) Be cruel.

In what respect?

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Thu Jun 05, 2003 9:22 pm

I think he means, have all your stories end up with you cutting the bitch's FUCKING THROAT....

ChainGangGuy · Post by **ChainGangGuy** » Thu Jun 05, 2003 9:57 pm

I think a bunch of people scurrying to be the first to post on threads about New World Orders and computer games, yet totally ignoring this topic is kinda disheartening. Have they nothing to say?

bruce · Post by **bruce** » Thu Jun 05, 2003 10:03 pm

ChainGangGuy wrote:I think a bunch of people scurrying to be the first to post on threads about New World Orders and computer games, yet totally ignoring this topic is kinda disheartening. Have they nothing to say?

I have plenty to say, but why should I give you rubes the pleasure of spanking it to the lurid details of, oh,

standing up in the sea
on acid
in the toilet of a tour bus
in the toilet of the Concorde, supersonic (solo, alas)
on the balcony of the computer center
anal, using a plate of Crisco as the lube
with a chick body-painted as Darth Maul

and so forth?

Fie on all y'all.

Bruce

P.S. Some or all of these may actually have happened

ChainGangGuy · Post by **ChainGangGuy** » Thu Jun 05, 2003 10:07 pm

bruce wrote:P.S. Some or all of these may actually have happened

That's good enough for me!

How about the rest of you JC denizens? If you can crank out fourth-grade levels you have no excuse for passing up this thread.

digital depression · Post by **digital depression** » Thu Jun 05, 2003 10:13 pm

You assholes.

Everything that I tried had utterly failed. An attempt to get a soft smile brought clouds. An attempt to get a friendly laugh brought rain. An effort to let us both think back to the time where we were both truly and totally in love brought freezing sleet. Frigid temperatures, without doubt, was the forecast that I was getting that day.

We went anyway. The two of us and the one that I probably should have been with in all those to-be wasted days instead. The event, still too embarassing to admit to years after it was attended, went by in a flash and a whisper, though my own ability to judge whether it was good or bad was underdeveloped and unimportant. We returned, now just the two of us and the hopes I had that maybe I had been making a try-out to get back on the team were officially squashed. We hadn't tired of each other's touch, however, and up we went into that dark corner of the world that was all ours.

It was supposed to be the last time, only it didn't end up being that way, as there was a meager coda added to the listless tune for a while later. But all the while, thinking to myself, believing to myself that it would be the last time that I would do this, or feel that, or look at her that way or listen to her and just be with her in general. Everything was infinitely more precious than it had ever been before. It was the saddest and most beautiful experience of my life and if nothing that I ever encounter in the rest of my being approaches it for sheer clarity and vividness, then at least -- then at least -- I had those few fragile moments, at least I lived them, at least my life wasn't completely and totally wasted.

I embraced her that night as if it were the last day of my life. As if she'd be dead to me forever when the sun came up. And as it turns out, in more ways than I would care to count, it was... and she was.

digital depression

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Thu Jun 05, 2003 10:25 pm

Oh man. I love that guy. I LOVE THAT GUY.

Check it out:

Number of days I run this base: 1

Number of days this base is the greatest thing this BBS has ever seen: 1.

Batting average: 1.000.

Forum name: Still horrible.

ChainGangGuy · Post by **ChainGangGuy** » Fri Jun 06, 2003 10:09 am

C'mon, folks, you're too ma-ture for video games.

Childish video games and comic books take precious time away from mature 24/7 Sex Base posting! Which there needs to be MORE of regardless.

Take it from me, you can do all three!

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Fri Jun 06, 2003 10:21 am

C'mon CGG, you're the main poon-hound on the board right now, why don't you go ahead and get us started!

Completely Off-Topic · Fri Jun 06, 2003 10:35 am

Thanks for the film recommendation, Ben!

NOTHING is as good as 8MM. I mean, COME ON. The Bible tried to be as good, and failed.

AArdvark · Post by **AArdvark** » Fri Jun 06, 2003 7:02 pm

Well, I wouldn't call it the BEST, but I guess I could tell the tale of the two not-really-hot girls and I back in 1983...
(the non -embellished version)

THE
TALES OUT OF SCHOOL
AARDVARK

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Fri Jun 06, 2003 7:10 pm

You had a three-way you silly sonuvabitch?

Oh, by all means, embellish.

Lex · Post by **Lex** » Sat Jun 07, 2003 8:20 am

gsdgsd · Post by **gsdgsd** » Sat Jun 07, 2003 11:45 am

pinback wrote:What's the BEST SEX YOU EVER HAD!??!?

Define best, if you will, PB. Are we talking about simply the physical side of sex, or the complete package? The best for purely physical sensation was with someone I didn't give a shit about. But in terms of what gets dialed up in the memory most often, it's an incident that didn't rate quite as high on the fuckometer but was more spiritually fulfilling, or whatnot.

I eagerly await your answer.

gsdgsd · Post by **gsdgsd** » Sat Jun 07, 2003 11:51 am

While I eagerly await Pinback's response, here's a story involving someone else getting laid.

I just returned from a few days on St. Petersburg Beach (Florida, not Russia). The first night, I went out to one of the lovely beach bars, got smashing drunk, struck out with a blonde (in large part, as I remember, because I told her she had fantastic breasts).

I stumbled back to the hotel room, passed out, only to be awakened at about 2:30 in the morning. A word to the wise: the walls in the St. Petersburg Beach Travelodge are woefully thin. So I spent an undetermined period of time with a pillow over my head, trying and failing to drown out the fuck sounds from next door.

They weren't just the normal squeals, moans, shrieks, and creaks: the female involved was delivering a play-by-play. Full bad porno style; "oh, you're so big", "it's like an iron bar", that sort of thing, and then finally, blissful silence...

...and then a breathy "now fuck me in the ass."

Luckily, that left her unable to verbalize, so it was just the moans and shrieks from that point forward.

THE END

Talk about the best sex you ever had in your life!

Talk about the best sex you ever had in your life!

Re: Talk about the best sex you ever had in your life!