Multi-Headed Shark Attack Movie Reviews

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Flack
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Multi-Headed Shark Attack Movie Reviews

Post by Flack »

As the result of a conversation with Pinback, I am presenting brief reviews of all four movies in the "mult-headed" shark attack series. These reviews will be brief as nobody really gives a fuck.



2-HEADED SHARK ATTACK (2012)
After a ship full of hot college students is damaged, the students take refuge and become stranded on an atoll, which is similar to an island except (as we eventually learn) it can flood. The students learn they are being stalked by a large two-headed shark after three of them are eaten while skinny-dipping, and despite this fact others keep finding ways to get into the water (or at least close enough for shark-shark's liking). In this film the shark operates like a killer in a horror movie, and mostly only eats students who take their clothes off, try to selfishly steal rescue boats, or are simply dumb. Other than being the first in the multi-headed shark series, the movie is most notable for featuring Charlie (brother of Jerry) O'Connell, Brooke (daughter of Hulk) Hogan, and... Carmen Electra.

Shark's fake demise: a student holds on to a makeshift bomb and sacrifices herself to the shark. The sharks eats both the student and the bomb and the bomb explodes, only destroying one of the shark's two heads.

Shark's ultimate demise: the remaining students send a speedboat off as a decoy. The shark attacks the ship from behind, bites the propeller, and explodes as if 1,000 tons of TNT were detonated.

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3-HEADED SHARK ATTACK (2015)

After an oceanic research facility (mostly staffed by hot 20-somethings) is attacked and destroyed by a 3-headed great white shark, the "scientists" retreat to a nearby island. Not only does the shark track them there, but once again, the sexy people find themselves back in the water repeatedly. Eventually the shark attacks a party boat full of even hotter people. The only people equipped to take on this three-headed monstrosity is a nearby fishing boat manned by Danny Trejo and former WWE superstar, Rob Van Dam.

Shark's fake demise: after shooting the shark 20 times in the face with a handgun, Trejo manages to cut off one of the shark's three heads with a machete. Note that the shark's missing head regenerates three new heads, meaning that in "3-Headed Shark Attack" the shark has (at different times) three, two, and finally five heads.

Shark's real demise: One of the crew sacrifices himself to the shark so that others can escape. In the feeding frenzy, the shark accidentally begins eating its own heads and kills itself.

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Note. There is no 4-Headed Shark Attack film. They jumped right to number five.

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5-HEADED SHARK ATTACK (2017)

During a photo shoot, six people are eaten by a four-headed shark. As the police view the photos, they seek help from a local marine biologist associated with a local aquarium, who devise a plan to capture the shark. They hire a poor man's Quint named "Red" who takes them out to capture the shark. During one of the attacks, the shark's tail is injured and it regenerates into a fifth head (that's four in the front and one in place of a tail). Needless to say, the plan to capture a giant five-headed shark is quickly abandoned and the goal turns to one of survival.

Shark's fake demise: the shark is lured to an area using dolphin sound recordings and blown up with dynamite, but the plan doesn't work.

Shark's real demise: Red jumps on to the shark's back, sticks a giant hook into it, and while surfing on its back force feeds it depth charges.

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6-HEADED SHARK ATTACK (2018)

Multiple couples end up on an island for marriage therapy. A six-headed shark arrives and eats a few of the staff before taking on the couples. Many of the people are unlikeable but still apparently tasty. The great thing about this one is that the shark has evolved to walk around on the beach using its six heads like an insect's legs.

Shark's fake demise: the shark eats a cannister of compressed air (just like in Jaws) and they take shots at it, but aren't able to hit the tank.

Shark's real demise: the camp counselor shoots an explosive attached to the shark's face at point blank range using a flare gun (I think), blowing the six-headed beast into a million pieces.

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So there you have it. And now from 5-Headed Shark Attack is a clip called "you just thought you were safe in a helicopter."

"Jack Flack always escapes." -Davey Osborne

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AArdvark
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Re: Multi-Headed Shark Attack Movie Reviews

Post by AArdvark »

Do sharks growl? I'm pretty sure the shark heads were growling underwater

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Re: Multi-Headed Shark Attack Movie Reviews

Post by pinback »

Flack wrote: Sat Aug 28, 2021 4:39 pmDanny Trejo
That's pretty cool when you can say you were in the best TV show of all time, and the worst movie of all time. Feather in the ol' cap there.
In the yard, not too far from the car.

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Flack
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Re: Multi-Headed Shark Attack Movie Reviews

Post by Flack »

"Inmate #1: The Rise of Danny Trejo" is available on Amazon Prime and seals the guy's image as one of the coolest and baddest dudes working in Hollywood.
"Jack Flack always escapes." -Davey Osborne

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Re: Multi-Headed Shark Attack Movie Reviews

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In the yard, not too far from the car.

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Re: Multi-Headed Shark Attack Movie Reviews

Post by Tdarcos »

They'll never beat Sharknado!
"Perhaps she'll understand, if you tell it to her, plain."
- Don McLean, Castles in the Air

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