The sectional we purchased while living at our last house has not held up well. It came with a 10 year warranty which recently expired. During the past 10 years we've had it repaired twice, and while mechanical issues are covered, general wear and tear is not. Sit in just the right spot and you would swear you were resting on a leather-covered 2x4. Last week my wife decided it was time to replace the sectional with a couple of recliners and a loveseat; today they arrived, and I was tasked with getting rid of the old sectional quickly. So, I posted the following ad on Facebook Marketplace:
I included four pictures of the sectional -- one from each of the two front angles, one of the damage our cats had inflicted upon the rear of the sectional, and one of the entire thing disassembled.We paid $3k for this sectional 10 years ago. Today, it can be yours for $1. While it doesn't show up well in the pictures, our cats have used the back of the couch as a scratching post. Also, a lot of the seatback padding is gone. If you don't like sitting on what feels like 2x4s, plan to add padding or some back cushions.
Willing to trade for a large pizza (meat lover's, preferred) or two 20oz Diet Dr. Peppers. Maybe a skateboard, or an old lunch box from the 80s? I don't know, surprise me. The real takeaway is that we need this sectional gone so we can move in new furniture.
No holds. Bring a truck and a friend. At this price, I'm not moving it!
Let the games begin.
The first potential buyer, "Benjamin," asked if there was "damage on the outside from the cats" and if I had pics. I took one additional picture of the worst damage, sent it to him, and updated the post. He then asked "is it east to add more seat padding," to which I replied "beats me." He then asked if the pieces separated. I confirmed that they did, even though I had already posted a picture of the pieces separated. 10 minutes after asking me where I lived, Benjamin decided he would pass.
The next person who contacted me was David. David asked "Is this item still available?" which is the default text Facebook sends. I said yes, and never heard from David again. I'm not sure why people ask if an item is still for sale and then never respond, but it happened to me 20 times.
Next up was Christian. Christian said "just the back of the couch is messed up right". At this point I had 20 people messaging me and I just didn't have the energy to respond and list every single thing wrong with this $1 couch. I mean, no, Christian. The place where I rest my head is faded. The recliner mechanisms are kind of janky. It has somewhere between 3,000 and 4,000 claw marks on it. Before this conversation even started you should know in your heart if you are a person looking for a couch that costs $1.
Next up was Jesse who only had one question. "Where r you located". I said "Yukon," which is listed in the ad. That was the end of Jesse.
Somewhere in the middle of all of this came Manuel. After confirming the couch was still available, Manuel asked "how much". Maybe I'm being a dick, but the top of the ad says $1, the text in the ad says $1, and then there's a whole list of other things I would exchange for the couch. I would have traded the couch for an old ventriloquist doll or a pair of roller skates. Over the next few minutes Manuel messaged me with "hello?" five times. He also said he lived in "sw okc" which is not what his profile said. Red flag. Adios, Manuel.
Angela, Alexandra, Carlos, Maricruz, Torey, Jeremiah, and Karly all messaged to ask if it was available. I said yes. They never responded.
Then came Parker! Parker was my favorite. According to Parker's profile, he's a local college kid. What local college kid wouldn't love a sectional? "Parker, I want you to have this sectional," I said. "Awesome, where are you located?" he asked, and I told him. After a few more messages followed by 10 minutes of silence, Parker let me down. "Sir I’m very interested but I’m just gonna have to pass today I’m very sorry for wasting your time God bless you I hope you forgive me". I do forgive you, Parker, but I will not forget. I will never forget.
While texting with Parker, Coleman entered the picture. "Does the couch come in pieces? I’m trying to see how many trucks I would need to make it in one trip." I send him the picture of the couch in pieces from the ad. "Could I come get it in about an hour?" he asked. Coleman! My man! That was followed by this: "Also text me here- this is my buddy who will be coming to get it since I’m still in Dallas at home" This was followed by an out-of-state phone number. "Could I get the length and widths of the couch?"
Many of these conversations were happening at the same time, but one of the last ones was with Kimberly. "I live in Yukon and would love the couch." We were off to a good start. "I would love you to have it," I responded. After sending her my address, she told me they lived 10 minutes away and would come whenever I was ready. "I'm ready!"
Going against my word, I used a dolly to move all the pieces out to the driveway. True to her word, 10 minutes later Kimberly and her husband arrived with a trailer in tow. We made small talk for a few minutes and determined that my wife and I have known and worked with Kimberly's cousin for the past 20 years.
While her husband loaded up the pieces of the sectional, Kimberly slipped me a $20. "We didn't have time to pick up a pizza," she said. Fair enough. I told her I would get her some change but she asked me to keep it.
Five minutes after they pulled away, Manuel texted me "hello?" and Coleman said he could drive up from Dallas (four hours away) to pick up the couch. I marked it as sold, which archived and silenced all the conversations.
Then I went inside, popped open a beer, and sat down in my brand new recliner.
