BWW's Mango and Habanero Wings

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Flack
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BWW's Mango and Habanero Wings

Post by Flack »

A few months ago I fell down an internet rabbit hole and ended up watching multiple seasons of Hot Ones, a YouTube show in which host Sean Evans interviews celebrities while the two of them eat progressively hot wings. The interviews are good and some of the questions are unique, but the main draw of the show is watching celebrities suffer as they eat increasingly spicy wings.

Lots of guests swear they won't make it through to the end -- they can quit at anytime -- but most of them do. Maybe it's the pressure of being on camera, or, as I began to suspect, maybe spicy is a state of mind. Maybe, just maybe, the burn hidden within those wings could be overcome by simple mind over matter. Maybe I could will myself into thinking -- no, believing -- that hot wings just weren't that hot.

I decided to test my theory last week while having lunch at Buffalo Wild Wings. BWW is the McDonald's of buffalo wings, but there we were when I built up enough courage to leap up into the "hot" sauces. The sauce I settled on was "Mango and Habanero," which I picked for two reasons. One, because mangos seem pretty innocent. (This is the same logic that had the Ghostbusters battling the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.) And two, because the habanero sauce Jiz recently mailed me simply wasn't that hot. I've been coating food with it like hot fudge on a sundae without as much as a single tear. I was ready for this.

(I was not ready for this.)

The combination of habanero and mango turned out to be a diabolical one. First, allow me to say this; I believe that the bottle of habanero sauce Jiz mailed me did not contain a single drop of habanero sauce. The first bite at Buffalo Wild Wings burned my mouth more than pouring an entire bottle of Jiz's friend's in my eye would have. The mango made things more interesting. First, it's sweet, which delays the heat just long enough to trick you into thinking you're not going to die. And two, it's thick and syrupy, almost like jelly... which means it works like napalm. It's like dipping your balls into a mound of red ants and then using glue to make sure they stay there.

By the time I was working on my second wing, my body was already fighting me. The closer I moved the wing toward my mouth, the more my lips quivered. "Mind over matter!" I reminded myself, but as I pushed the wing into my mouth I noticed my lips, with a mind of their own, were doing their best to avoid contact with the burning gel. It didn't help. Everywhere the mango stuck -- lips, cheeks, gums, tongue -- burned like fire.

I thought (hoped? prayed?) by the time I started the third wing, either my mouth would be numb, or the pain from the first two would subside. Nope; with each one, the pain got worse. The heat was cumulative. Normally I can eat a wing in a single bite; I shove the whole thing in my mouth, split the bones, and pull each one out completely clean. Not here; not now. My third wing took at least four, maybe five bites. By the end of number three, it felt like my teeth were burning.

Three down, twelve to do.

Man, was this a bad idea.

On and on I went, each wing hotter than the last. By number six or seven the heat maxed out, which is like saying after you've been run over six or seven times, the eighth time doesn't hurt any worse than the seventh. I tried dipping the wings in the ranch that came with my celery, which didn't help.

Around the tenth wing, I saw Jesus. He shimmered before me like a heavenly mirage, and turned wine into ice water in a glass before my eyes. My wife contends this was our waitress and that, delirious and with tears in my eyes, I only thought I saw Jesus. Who are the non-blessed to question my own personal Jesus? For further proof, I raised my hands and showed everyone at the table the signs of stigmata on my wrists, which someone pointed out was just mango and habanero sauce. I walked into that restaurant a non-believer; two-thirds the way through the meal, I begged to meet my maker.

I don't remember eating wings 11-14. Maybe I buried the memory. Maybe I blacked out. People were rooting me on. Well, my wife wasn't. She was afraid I was going to die. She also reminded me that things that go in hot come out hot. My stomach was already burning; if this mango came out my manhole as spicy as it went in... I mean it couldn't, could it?

I do remember that last one, though. If you're dumb enough to eat fourteen hot wings, you're dumb enough to eat fifteen. I joked that my lips must have shriveled up and fallen off, except of course they hadn't -- I was highly aware of where they were as they sizzled from one corner of my mouth to the other. But what are you going to do, quit with one wing left? Nah, bro.

By the time I dropped the remains of that fifteenth wing in the bone pile, my napkin was shredded and orange. My glass of ice water (I'd had 3-4 refills by this point) was slimy and slippery, coated with whatever mango jelly hadn't found my mouth.

Everyone else at the table was long done, and so we quickly paid and left. Even though the wings were all gone, the burn was still there. I thought by the time I got outside it would stop, but it didn't. Then I thought by the time I got on the interstate it would stop, but it didn't. Three exits away from work, I pulled into a convenient store and bought a cold drink and an ice cream sandwich. I ate the ice cream first, which tasted like a mix of vanilla and fiery death. By the time the ice cream hit my stomach, a battle broke in my tum-tum. Angels vs. Devils, I tell you. Where was Jesus when I needed him most?

Halfway through the drink and two-thirds the way back to the office, the burning stopped. Maybe I was light-headed, but the further I got from Buffalo Wild Wings, the more the whole experience began to feel like a dream. Had I imagined the heat? Had I not, in fact, actually seen Jesus? By the time I was back at my desk, I had convinced myself that the wings weren't so hot after all.

Mind over matter, baby.
"I failed a savings throw and now I am back."

Casual Observer
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Re: BWW's Mango and Habanero Wings

Post by Casual Observer »

Have you ever tried their "Blazin" sauce? It's really fucking hot. I couldn't handle it but my wife thought, "it's pretty hot".

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Re: BWW's Mango and Habanero Wings

Post by pinback »

I get the "Blazin'" sauce, which used to be part of a lame challenge they'd do where if you finished them, you were allowed to buy a T-shirt saying you did it. I don't want the shirt unless it was free, but I like the sauce, so I get it anyway.

I've been to BWW twice in the last couple years, and each time it was remarkably better than the half-dozen times I'd been there in the previous decade. I'd read that the management had made a conscious effort to turn the place around, and unbelievably, I think they did.

It's the first restaurant chain I've ever seen get better.
I don't have to say anything. I'm a doctor, too.

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Ice Cream Jonsey
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Re: BWW's Mango and Habanero Wings

Post by Ice Cream Jonsey »

Goddamn, Flack, I can't eat 15 Buffalo wings at once. Much less anything with some HEAT.

So, I have a dumb opinion about "BWW." My father-in law, mother-in-law and nephew like BWW. I have this prideful thing about wings because where I grew up, but I'm not the kind of guy that is going to make any sort of crab face when it comes to a restaurant. Plus, if the kid likes it then I like it.

Last time we went in there was two Super Bowls ago. Not for the game, we just went there because they liked it. I think we took the nephew out to play ice hockey that day.

Like Pinner says, the experience was good. There was lots of room between where everyone was eating. The food ordered was chicken nuggets (BONELESS) and they were fine! No, it's not like that one dump in East Rochester, NY, but if you put that out of your head it was acceptable.

I used to eat a lot of food that was bad for me, I am slightly better since I lost my gall bladder. BWW was fine. Pinback is correct.

Flack, how was the dining experience in the joint?
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!

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Jizaboz
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Re: BWW's Mango and Habanero Wings

Post by Jizaboz »

Man that's insane! I ate there a few times but always got extra hot. I'm not near one anymore. Just ECW. Was the next day really rough?
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AArdvark
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Re: BWW's Mango and Habanero Wings

Post by AArdvark »

The last time I went to Wild Wings was when my other nephew's hockey team had a promotion with them. The kids act as table waiters and all the parents and family eat the substandard food. This was years ago, they aren't around in Rochester anymore. Can't do the really hot stuff because it burns my mouth. But the beers were cold and the Sabres were on the tv so it was 3 out of 5 stars.

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Flack
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Re: BWW's Mango and Habanero Wings

Post by Flack »

So, a few things.

First, normally I would not order 15 wings. BWW's order sizes are small, medium, and large. I asked the waitress twice how many wings come to an order and never got a straight answer, so I went with medium, which was too many. On a normal day I would have stopped 2/3 the way through, but on this particular day everyone would assume it was because of the heat, which is why I pressed on. But on a normal day, 10 wings is just about right.

Second, Oklahoma is not known for its wings per se, so there are chain places (which are okay) and then local places (which are usually better). Here's the problem with that. I live in Yukon, which has a few chain places. Here is a list I got from Google of "best wing places in OKC."

Chick-N-Beer - 715 NW 23rd
Bobo's Chicken - NE 23rd
Don's Wing Wagon - NW 23rd
Sam's Southern Eatery - NW 23rd
Jim's Famous Chicken - NE 23rd
Wingstop - NW 23rd

Now, here is a crime map of OKC.

Image

There's a Wing Stop near me, and a couple of BWW's and a few other places, but for the really good ones I'm going to need to borrow a junker car and wear a bulletproof vest.
"I failed a savings throw and now I am back."

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Re: BWW's Mango and Habanero Wings

Post by pinback »

How'd you get that cute map? What do the little blue guys mean?
I don't have to say anything. I'm a doctor, too.

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Flack
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Re: BWW's Mango and Habanero Wings

Post by Flack »

"I failed a savings throw and now I am back."

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