Old Bay Shrimp Boil

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I want you to do this:

1. Fill a pot with 4 quarts of water, one beer, a couple tablespoons of salt, and one half cup of Old Bay, bring it to a light boil.
2. Add some potatoes, wait a few minutes.
3. Add some andouille sausage, wait a few minutes.
4. Add some corn cobs (cut in half, if desired), wait a few minutes.
5. Add some shrimp (with the shells still on), wait a couple minutes.
6. Drain, sprinkle with more Old Bay, serve.

This is the best thing that it is possible to cook or eat.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

What consistency am I looking for in the potatoes? We need to give them enough time to fully boil, right? I thought that was like 45 minutes for some reason.

Are we meant to drink the broth-like substance that results?

[The Happiness Engine]

Potatoes should be like steamed new potatoes (which you should be using and not big fuck-off russets.) I think start to finish you're looking 20-30min but I am not the expert on Boils. We did however have to resort to making our own Old Bay which isn't the same but is tasty enough.

[Tdarcos]

I was going to ask, "what is andouille sausage" only a quick Google search gave me the answer and more. Now that raises two issues: (1) It's a French spiced sausage, which, depending on how spicy it is, may (or may not) be a problem for those sensitive to spice. You may be overly desensitized, (considering you drink hot sauce the way gamers drink Mountain Dew or Jolt Cola) which explains why you add Old Bay to it. (Old Bay is the "unofficial spice of Maryland," if you went anywhere in the state you were bound to see it on sale, an ad for it, or a restaurant advertising something that uses it in its recipe.) (2) for those that want to try this recipe, how difficult is it to buy andouille sausage?

[Billy Mays]

how difficult is it to buy andouille sausage?

Acquiring it is easy. Trying to cook it up in a hospital bedpan, without tripping the smoke alarm, now that's the hard part.

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Great questions, everyone!

What consistency am I looking for in the potatoes? We need to give them enough time to fully boil, right? I thought that was like 45 minutes for some reason.

Like HE, I was thinking small little potatoes that boil up just right in about 20 minutes. But whatever you got. Just put those in first, and then time everything else so that they all finish at the same time.

Are we meant to drink the broth-like substance that results?

You are meant to drain that off, never to be seen again! Bye bye, broth!

which explains why you add Old Bay to it

I do not "add Old Bay to it". Old Bay (and shrimp) are the entire point of this dish. If you don't like andouille, substitute your favorite pork patty, or leave it out entirely!

Old Bay is the "unofficial spice of Maryland,"

I have looked through the entire archives of this BBS and everywhere else you've ever had a presence, and this is the single true statement on your record.

for those that want to try this recipe, how difficult is it to buy andouille sausage?

For the ambulatory, I have never seen a grocery store that didn't have it, right next to the hot dog section. For you, it is impossible.

[The Happiness Engine]

WAIT. Just... let's wait. Paul has lived CLOSE E GOD-DAMNED NUFF to Chesapeake bay for HOW MANY years now and this is the first we are learning that he doesn't even know what Old Bay Seasoning tastes like?! This is a man who has found time to order the hateful lie that is Jerry's so-called "New York-Style" pizza HOW MANY times?

So, I think the only next logical step is how do we send an entire shrimp boil to Paul's room? I assume it is going to involve a tub of some sorts.

[Jizaboz]

We use the hell out of Old Bay in Best Carolina and I am perplexed that this is a new thing to Paul.

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He didn't say he'd never tasted Old Bay. What are you people on about?

[Tdarcos]

WAIT. Just... let's wait. Paul has lived CLOSE E GOD-DAMNED NUFF to Chesapeake bay for HOW MANY years now

I've lived witin 30 miles of Washington, DC for the past roughly 30 years, 1 year of that in DC, and 28 of that within 10 miles of DC. I've visited Baltimore at least a half-dozen times.

and this is the first we are learning that he doesn't even know what Old Bay Seasoning tastes like?!

I don't like spicy food. Spicy food hurts. Jalapenos are unpleasant (tried one, once, maybe 35-40 years go, found it painful). I don't eat spicy food. I don't even try spicy food. Since all I know about Old Bay is that it is a "spice" so I stay away from it. (But Paul, cinnamon and oregano are "spices," and they're not hot.) Shutup! Don't confuse me with facts!

This is a man who has found time to order the hateful lie that is Jerry's so-called "New York-Style" pizza HOW MANY times?

Can't say. More than 3, less than two dozen, But they're not spicy. And they are very tasty.

So, I think the only next logical step is how do we send an entire shrimp boil to Paul's room? I assume it is going to involve a tub of some sorts.

I have no means to heat anything, it would have to be shipped in an insulated cooler to stay hot. (Excuse the oxymoron that a styrofoam or other insulated box to keep things at their current temperature, either hot or cold, is called a "cooler.")

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Old Bay is not "hot" spicy. My mother eats a lot of it, and she can't take the tiniest bit of "hot" spicy in her food.

You've done your entire life incorrectly. Please start over and try again.

[Flack]

The takeaway here was that Paul does not like to be confused with facts.

[The Happiness Engine]

Since all I know about Old Bay is that it is a "spice" so I stay away from it.

...Best of?

I'm surprised you haven't misquoted wikipedia here to figure out it's primarily celery salt, a noted BRINGER of HEAT.

[Tdarcos]

You've done your entire life incorrectly. Please start over and try again.

Wonderful idea; I've come to realize this on several occasions. Please advise how.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

First up we need you to do the Old Bay Challenge, which is getting Retro to send you a bottle of Old Bay.

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You've done your entire life incorrectly. Please start over and try again.

Wonderful idea; I've come to realize this on several occasions. Please advise how.

Perhaps start small, like committing to answering questions in a timely manner that people have asked you on your favorite bulletin board systems!