A Quick Note

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Tue Jul 03, 2012 2:06 pm

To grocery store workers manning the deli sandwich counter:

A SANDWICH IS TWO PIECES OF BREAD WITH SOME MEAT AND VEGETABLES AND WHATEVER BETWEEN THEM.

Since you are WORKING THE SANDWICH COUNTER, it behooves you to UNDERSTAND THIS so that when someone ORDERS A SANDWICH, you don't get this TERRIFIED, CONFUSED LOOK ON YOUR FACE.

This also may primarily be a Washington State thing, though -- no, it happened a lot in Denver, too.

"Hi, welcome to Bob's House of (X)! How may I help you?"

"Well, since you are Bob's House of (X), and the whole purpose of your establishment is to sell me (X), I think I will have an (X), please!"

"NGHGHGGHH!!!!!"

Yeah. That pizza place, in Parker. I'm talking to YOU (and the idiots at the deli counter, for good measure.) You are a PIZZA RESTAURANT. People are going to ORDER PIZZA FROM YOU, because THAT IS WHAT THE SIGN SAYS WE ARE SUPPOSED TO DO.

"Yeah, I'd like a pizza please?"

(I swear this happened.)

"UHHHHhh. Umm. Okay, hold on... (employee has to go into the back to find a manager.)"

I swear that happened.

And it happened at the sandwich counter today, which reminded me to make this point.

MY ADVICE IS: IF YOU ARE WORKING AT A PLACE THAT SELLS ONLY ONE THING, BE PREPARED FOR A CUSTOMER TO EVENTUALLY ORDER ONE OF THAT THING.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Tue Jul 03, 2012 2:19 pm

Pinback describes this perfectly. I don't have much to add. Maybe this:

I am also very, very sick of places that staff greeters who are surprised, confused, and a little condescending when you enter their restaurant. I will never, ever forget the Indian place with the hostess who said the following when I entered:

"Uh... can I.... help you??"

With this look on her face that indicated she really didn't expect or desire people to walk into the fucking place. I know it was only one time, years ago. But that shit happens ALL THE TIME.

The Happiness Engine · Wed Jul 04, 2012 9:05 am

That's a good sign of a restaurant in its death throes. Your best bet is a cheery, "Nope, sorry to bother you!" and go someplace where you don't have to wonder what kind of rotting mess is in the kitchen.

Flack · Post by **Flack** » Wed Jul 04, 2012 5:39 pm

I hate places that answer their drive-thru with anything other than this: "Can I take your order please?"

Taco Bell answers their drive-thru like this: "Hello, how are you doing today?" At which point I say, "fine, thanks!" and then there's a long awkward silence. I guess you're supposed to say, "fine, and it would be better with some of those Dorito tacos in my belly" or something. It's so awkward the way they say it and then leave you hanging.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Wed Jul 04, 2012 9:26 pm

The Happiness Engine wrote:That's a good sign of a restaurant in its death throes. Your best bet is a cheery, "Nope, sorry to bother you!" and go someplace where you don't have to wonder what kind of rotting mess is in the kitchen.

Yeah but I'm a god damn pig

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Thu Jul 05, 2012 12:08 am

Flack wrote:Taco Bell answers their drive-thru like this: "Hello, how are you doing today?" At which point I say, "fine, thanks!" and then there's a long awkward silence. I guess you're supposed to say, "fine, and it would be better with some of those Dorito tacos in my belly" or something. It's so awkward the way they say it and then leave you hanging.

Look, everyone, I don't go to Del Taco any more, because even though I would eat literal poison if it were mixed with 51 USDA Grade "D" beef, I had to stop going there. The reason I stopped ever going to Del Taco was because I changed jobs. But the other reason was because they would pull the most overcomplicated, awkward shit when all I was trying to do was stuff my face full of a burger.

Tdarcos · Post by **Tdarcos** » Thu Jul 05, 2012 11:15 am

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:I would eat literal poison if it were mixed with 51 USDA Grade "D" beef

What's this 51 supposed to mean? I understand the hyperbole with Grade D which is a made up item you're using, were you implying beef ground back in 1951 or does the 51 mean something else?

I lived in a house where people there worked with meat and had to know this because they cooked or had to handle meat. USDA only uses "name" grades, they do not use letters. (They do on full carcasses sold commercially but not for individual meat.)

Off the top of my head I know USDA grades, from best to worst, (the ones in parenthesis I forgot) are Prime, Choice (, Select, Standard, Commercial, Utility,) Canner and Cutter. So what you're saying is it's 51 USDA Grade Canner beef (as opposed to 2012 USDA Grade Prime Beef?)

Is the 51 the implied year or does it mean something else?

AArdvark · Post by **AArdvark** » Thu Jul 05, 2012 1:13 pm

Instead of #1 USDA grade beef, it's grade #51 beef. From Area 51, where the government has it's secret pastures of moo-cows that have tentacles instead of hooves, which make for interesting seafood/beef combination dishes at Applewasp restaurants all over the country.

Huh, surprised you didn't know that.

THE
FINE, DON'T BELIEVE ME
AARDVARK

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Thu Jul 05, 2012 1:18 pm

Tdarcos wrote:
Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:I would eat literal poison if it were mixed with 51 USDA Grade "D" beef
What's this 51 supposed to mean? I understand the hyperbole with Grade D which is a made up item you're using, were you implying beef ground back in 1951 or does the 51 mean something else?

I lived in a house where people there worked with meat and had to know this because they cooked or had to handle meat. USDA only uses "name" grades, they do not use letters. (They do on full carcasses sold commercially but not for individual meat.)

Off the top of my head I know USDA grades, from best to worst, (the ones in parenthesis I forgot) are Prime, Choice (, Select, Standard, Commercial, Utility,) Canner and Cutter. So what you're saying is it's 51 USDA Grade Canner beef (as opposed to 2012 USDA Grade Prime Beef?)

Is the 51 the implied year or does it mean something else?

It means you do not, and will never, understand humor, the NBA salary cap, or anything else.

JONSEY!

SPLIT THAT SHIT!

ICJ · Post by **ICJ** » Thu Jul 05, 2012 2:32 pm

Paul if you post in this thread again you are banned for 1 (1) Month

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Thu Jul 05, 2012 2:34 pm

Heh. There was a scene in one of the deleted chapters of Atlas Shrugged where one of the characters tried to order a sandwich from a deli. It didn't go well!

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Tue Dec 13, 2016 7:40 am

Quick update: This also happens in Tennessee. I've gotten two sandwiches from the new Kroger down the street, and both times the "sandwich artist" constructed it with confused looks on their faces, shaking hands, slowly looking around for mustard as if they didn't know what mustard was and were hoping someone had just labelled one of the bottles "mustard" for them. The final products were basically "bread salads" with all of the ingredients just wildly thrown together and wrapped up.

It's unbelievable.

It's the shaking hands that gets me. UMMM... UMMM!!!!