U.S. Open Round Three Analysis

Analysis Summary

No-Stress week has been cancelled. This is because Tiger started with an even worse start than his previous two starts, dropping 3 shots in the first four holes, starting with his third double-bogey of the week on #1, leaving us with no hope whatsoever. He then held on and kicked it around through the rest of the front nine while some of his competitors dropped by the wayside.

And then he had what will, if he wins, go down as the most bizarre, miraculous back nine of the most bizarre, miraculous win of his (and thus, anyone’s) career.

Here is how bizarre and amazing and miraculous it was:

I didn’t see hardly any of it. All I saw was the 17th hole, in a bar, out with friends and family. On this hole, he sprayed his drive way to the right, slashed at it from way off the course into the rough next to the green, then got amazingly lucky as his wild chip hit the pin and dropped in for the unlikeliest of birdies. The place (and mainly me) went nuts. This is miraculous enough, until you realize that once I got home, I found out that this was the THIRD most bizarre, amazing thing that happened on the back nine. There was the 30-foot curling putt for eagle at the last to put him into sole possession of the lead, and then there was the 70 foot impossibility of a putt on 13 to undo some of the damage that he was doing on holes that he wasn’t performing miracles on.

Basically, each hole was either a disaster or a performance that any other golfer would hope for one such occurrence in his entire career.

And he did this while the pain in his knee has been getting worse and worse, once nearly collapsing from the agony, and having to be helped out of rough and sand traps by his caddie, while using his own clubs as canes to steady himself.

I’ve been reporting on Tiger for years now, and if he can pull this off, it will be the most amazing thing he has ever done, by a long shot. This will go down in history as the gutsiest performance by an athlete that the world of sports has ever seen. This will make Kirk Gibson look like a piker.

They will talk about this for the next generation. Seriously. If you care about sports at all, you should be interested in this. It will be a movie one day.

If he wins.

Which is still not quite assured, because in between miracles, he has been playing just a bit like crap. And there is still a very real possibility that his knee will just give out entirely and he’ll just drop right there on the course and have to be carted away.

And of course, there are still some competitors.

Let’s take a look at them now, at least those with even a slight chance at overtaking the Man and ruining both history and my weekend.

Tiger is currently alone in first place at -3. Chasing him are:

Lee Westwood (-2): Has picked this week to be steady as a rock. Truthfully, if anyone has a legitimate chance here, it’s him. THREAT LEVEL: HIGH

Rocco Mediate (-1): Was totally in charge of this until he crumbled toward the end of the day. I didn’t think he had a chance when he was ahead, so I surely don’t think he has a chance two back. However, he is having the tournament of his life, so who knows? THREAT LEVEL: LOW

Geoff Ogilvy (+1): If any guy here has the game to come back from four down to overtake a busted-up Tiger, it’s him. And it turns out, now that I look at the ratings, that he is actually the #5 ranked player in the world. Who the hell knew? THREAT LEVEL: MEDIUM

D.J. Trahan (+1): Still don’t know who he is. I am officially calling it: Nobody I’ve never heard of is going to win this tournament. THREAT LEVEL: NONE

Hunter Mahan (+2): I’ll expand that last one to say that nobody whose name ends in “ahan” is going to win this tournament. THREAT LEVEL: NONE

Camilo Villegas (+2): Today he was wearing a white shirt and pink pants. That’s it, nobody I’ve never heard of, or whose name ends in “ahan”, or who wears pink pants is going to win this tournament. THREAT LEVEL: LOW

Robert Allenby (+2): A nice steady tournament for Mr. Allenby. He will be quite happy to get a top-10. THREAT LEVEL: LOW

Miguel Angel Jimenez (+2): Still grotesquely ugly, but still right there. THREAT LEVEL: MEDIUM

Robert Karlsson (+2): HIS NAME IS ROBERT KARLSSON! HIS NAME IS ROBERT KARLSSON! I am going to miss this man. THREAT LEVEL: NONE

There is a group at +3 which includes some extremely scary names, like former major winners Mike Weir, Ernie Els, and all around dickwad but excellent golfer Sergio Garcia. But you know what? Too late, buttwipes. Six back is too far. Maybe next year (but probably not.)

So that’s it. No Stress Week is now officially EXTREMELY HIGH STRESS WEEK, because this is right on the precipice of being the sports story of the year, maybe the decade, MAYBE OF YOUR ENTIRE LIFE.

LET THE STRESS BEGIN!!!!