2009 PGA Championship Second Round Update

Let’s do our best to pretend that Tiger’s bogey at the last hole means struggles are ahead, and that even though he now has a four shot lead, there are still people with a chance to make this even remotely interesting.

Tiger leads at -7. There are five players four shots back at -3. There are two at -2. I can’t go any lower than that with a straight face, so let’s get to it:

— The (snnkkkrr) Challengers! —

Vijay Singh (-3) — If you can believe it, Tiger and Vijay will be paired together tomorrow in the final group. Vijay did nothing today, but he went out early before the weather got bad, so his lackluster 72 was actually good enough to put him in the final group. I am guessing he will put away all of his “Tiger Who?” hats before tomorrow’s round. Anyway, if that’s all he could do in the morning, he would be toast even if he wasn’t playing with the Man, and the various pressures that brings. THREAT LEVEL: ALMOST ZERO

Brendan Jones (-3) — Another one of those that took some advantage of the early good weather. And I still don’t know who it is. THREAT LEVEL: ABSOLUTE ZERO

Lucas Glover (-3) — The U.S. Open champ is still hanging around. He was threatening to really put some pressure on today until some late stumbles. Who knows? THREAT LEVEL: SLIGHTLY MORE THAN ZERO

Ross Fisher (-3) — Was having the round of his life, tied for the lead, until he bogeyed the last two holes. Plays well in majors. I still couldn’t pick him out of a lineup, but if he has another magical day tomorrow, and doesn’t give it all back at the end, hey, I’m looking for any excuse to build some drama here. THREAT LEVEL: VERY, VERY LOW, BUT NOT ZERO

Padraig Harrington (-3) — Was genuinely threatening until he fell apart on the back nine. He’s a tough guy, though! If anyone in this lineup can do it, I think it’s him. THREAT LEVEL: LOW, BUT AS GOOD AS WE’RE GONNA GET AT THIS POINT

Ian Poulter (-2) — One of those “any minute now he’s gonna be great” guys. But he isn’t. Put on a nice run earlier in the day (again, with better weather than Tiger had to deal with), but his pants are way too goofy, and he is a loser. THREAT LEVEL: LOSER

Lee Westwood (-2) — Was going to be in second place, paired with Tiger, until he three-putt from about two feet on the 17th hole. Has the talent, but not the stones. Sorry, Lee. You’re outta here. THREAT LEVEL: OUTTA HERE

Aaaand that’s pretty much it. Put this article among the many others being written around the internets right now, trying to put some sort of spin on this story other than “this tournament is over.”

(But this tournament is over.)