It iss difficult to know wherrre to beginn. Tigerrr hath sssssuch mixed reviews lassssst yearrr. And yet, the finalized product wassss clearly unplayable. Sssss. I would enjoy, hurm, a golfing experrrrience that did not fracturrrr time so readily, and was not otherrrrrwise crippled and unfun.
Clearly, there isss room in the marrrketplace for another golf game, one that is more competently produuuced. And yet, with Tigerrrr ssssuch a draw (and an exclussssive one at thhhh-at!) the competition would ssssurely be trounced, like so much foooolish Elowann space craft. Fortunately, I had my own minions, lassst year, purrrrchase the warre and play it before I wasssted my own valuable time and ccccccycles upon that…. annoyance. It wasss clearly a cruel and horrrrible gesssture laid upon those of usssss that enjoy… the gentleman’s game of golf.
In fact, one of the thingssss I enjoyed most were the Arrrrrthian announcersss. Both gone! Thhth! Although, perhaps the new onessss won’t react as if I had picked up the ball and thhhhhrrown it into a neighboring highway if I misssss a putt by just inches. That would be greatly… appreciated.
But I feel I am within the cold, desperate grip of the game reviewers now. Now, with thissss EA product, ssspecccifically. Many of my other, ah, “correspondents” here on thissss group blog have experienced it before: the hockey series routinely got worse in the Aughts, and ditto for Arrrrrthian football. And now, my golf. Why do you annoy usssssss?
It beggarrrrs thy imagination.
Everrry… near every review begins the same way!! ‘Electronic Arts has really attacked the issues that so plagued last year’s version. This year promises to be the best version yet!’ SssSSSssSSssth! But yet, they DID NOT mention these issues last year! Corrrrporate whorrresssssSSSssSs! All of them! Thhhhhhth!
(head bobs violently)
And yet, I grrrrieve.
Forrrr my only otherrr optionsss are a bar that doesss not allow my fellow Thrynn. For at thissss bar is one ‘Golden Tee.’ ‘Golden.’ ‘Tee.’
(head bobs even more violently)
Pssssath! I loathe myself for this decision. Thissss is my world now. Bring me thisssss Tigerrrrr Woods, 09.