There Was a Time When I Burned

There was a time long ago. A time when I burned. Yes, literally burned.

Why?

Oh, if I were a betting man (which I’m not), I’d wager it was due to the hot tasty content provided regularly by our roast-host, Ben “Pinback” Parrish.

Be it a pizza, an entire loaf of bread, or his readers — he readily cooked us all.

I remember the first time I glimpsed the searingly satisfying content that Ben branded his ‘fans’ with. It was the 1/3/2002: A Dork in the Road entry if I recall correctly. Ah, how the chuckles spilled out of me like caustic pus from the blisters which soon covered 90% of my body. Yes, those were the days. Days when you’d wake up screaming from the intense suffering wrought from third degree satisfaction! Ben, back then you never failed to turn up the heat.

I was scarred for life at that point. I lost my job and my once faithful, loving wife. Even my own son betrayed me after seeing the “burn-fiend” I had become.

Yet I regret nothing. Not a moment of it.

Even if it meant the ability to eat without the use of a feeding tube.

All joking aside, things have certainly cooled down around here at the ‘new’ PWC3. My wounds have slowly begun to heal. The doctors tell me I will soon be able to walk once more, possibly even rejoin the rest of society.

I think back on the days when I would be perusing the sit as I boiled in my own juices. Then I realize how those days are gone and I weep. Amazing! I thought my tear ducts had been cauterized shut during the Ben Parrish blitzkrieg of 2002. I still weep, even now as I type this post using my charcoal-like blackened digits.

*SIGH*

My name is Bill Beecham, the PWC2 Reader/Tragic Burn Victim.

I no longer burn. I no longer smolder.

I hate my life.

-PWC2 Reader/Tragic Burn Victim