U.S. Open Week! Part One

Welcome, one and all, to the world-famous 2008 U.S. Open Thread!

This week is U.S. Open week! The toughest test of the four majors in professional golf. The one tournament which, more than any other, turns ultra-rich, self-important white guys who put a stupid ball in a hole for a living into sobbing, whining little crybabies who need their MAMA because the goddamn GREEN is too fast and the goddamn ROUGH is too tall, you friggin’ whining little babies!

As with the previous, world-famous Masters thread, this thread is less about the U.S. Open and more about TIGER “ELDRICK” WOODS, and how he does.

At the beginning of the year, one would have had to say that we could just skip this entire thread and chalk up another W for old Tigs there. Look!

– It’s being played at Torrey Pines, where he never ever loses.
– He’s playing the best of his life.
– Nobody else had a chance.

But times have changed! Because!

– This is his first tournament back after having KNEE SURGERY and being out for two months!
– That’s pretty much the main way in which times have changed!

So our attitude this time is going to be a little different. Gone will be the constant teeth-gnashing brought upon by the 2008 Masters. Gone are the sleepless nights and microscopically-detailed analysis of how every shot, breeze, or random bird flying across the fairway affects Tiger’s chances. Why?

Because I do not think Tiger has a chance this week.

Almost unthinkable! But start thinking it, my friends and polite acquaintances! I just think it’s too much to ask him to win a goddamn major after being out so long.

Bad news, you say?

Not at all! Since he is not expected to do anything, we may take a lighthearted approach this year, and realize that anything good that happens is just gravy on the cake! No expectations = no stress!

And that’s what the 2008 U.S. Open will be all about for us in this thread. No stress! Unlike all of the whiny crybabies sobbing their way around the course!

Round 1 — NO STRESS Round 1 — begins on Thursday!

Let’s all enjoy the 2008 U.S. Open, and the 2008 U.S. Open Thread, free from any anxiety or tension.

Ahhh!