Alumni report:

by **Vitriola** » Thu Oct 02, 2003 12:24 pm

by **Worm** » Fri Sep 05, 2003 2:19 pm

Lex wrote:I would like to take this moment to say that I am not going to whine about my custom title; I am, however, going to mention that, yes Worm, I understood the rules. Unless you were being sarcastic, but we know how good you are at that.

After printing this out and leaving it hung up on my fridge with a "Great Work" sticker on it. I finally noticed that you were being sarcastic about me being sarcastic! You get two stickers for that!

by **pinback** » Thu Sep 04, 2003 11:17 pm

Protagonist X wrote:But when I feel discouraged, I can now say "hey, at least I'm not luring 15-year-olds back to my house and jacking off on their faces."

That's funny, thoughts like that are usually what discourage me in the first place.

(J/K!)

(Not really.)

by **Protagonist X** » Thu Sep 04, 2003 11:12 pm

gsdgsd wrote:
A full FIVE YEARS. Jesus, I'm OLD.

I've been dealing with the same feeling lately. My tenth high school anniversary is coming up next year, and I'm just barely going to get my Bachelor's in 2003. (Only one course left -- yay! -- , and it's over in mid-November because the Prof is going to Antartica. To look for meteorites.)

To drive the point of my slackerhood home, the universe has conspired these past few weeks to rub my nose in various circumstances:

* A friend since fifth grade just got his Ph.D in Physics, and he has been spirited away this very week to a college in the Pacific Northwest at a $48,000/year professorial gig. In the time it takes me to finish a degree, better people wind up as faculty.

* Animal House has celebrated its twenty-fifth anniversary, and I keep seeing the clip of Belushi on the lawn with a dazed look, saying "Oh, man -- seven years of college down the drain." And I think to myself, nine. Nine years between UCLA and the U of A. I have two years on Brother "Bluto" Blutarski. And much less partying to show for it.

* It still seemed like my Junior High School years were relatively recent, something not necessarily of the current decade, but not that temporally remote from my present self, either. That illusion was shattered recently, for The Olsen Twins, omnipresent media incarnate, have been tarted up as Britney-Spears-esque Rolling Stone covermodels.

-- When my eye passed over the cover, in the tiny instant between wonder-who-the-hot-chicks-are-this-week and sweet-lord-now-I-feel-like-a-pervert, the thought that spang into mind was: they were fetuses opposite Bob Saget on Full House when I was in Jr. High School.

My own mortality is beginning to weigh on my mind in different, less abstract ways than before.

But when I feel discouraged, I can now say "hey, at least I'm not luring 15-year-olds back to my house and jacking off on their faces."

by **gsdgsd** » Wed Sep 03, 2003 4:28 pm

Protagonist X wrote:Out of curiousity, what years were you at the U of A, and while you were on the paper, did you know a guy named Brian Peary who did layout?

I was there '91-'95. A quick check of the newspaper alumni website says he was there 2000-02, so we missed each other by quite a bit.

A full FIVE YEARS. Jesus, I'm OLD.

by **Debaser** » Wed Sep 03, 2003 4:22 pm

Vitriola wrote:He should also have had them consumer research suppositories.

Ok, see here's the thing. I know that due at least in part to the laws of supply and demand that pretty much every single male or reasonable facsimile on this board has made a pass at Vitriola at some point or another, and I refuse to fall in to that trap.

But mostly, I think I just fell a tiny bit in love. Mostly.

by **Vitriola** » Wed Sep 03, 2003 4:15 pm

He should also have had them consumer research suppositories.

by **Lex** » Wed Sep 03, 2003 3:15 pm

I would like to take this moment to say that I am not going to whine about my custom title; I am, however, going to mention that, yes Worm, I understood the rules. Unless you were being sarcastic, but we know how good you are at that.

Also: I think this guy did really well. Shame about the child-porn and stuff, cos if those were college chicks he would have been a WINNAR. He should also take them to someone else's house, this would help.

by **Protagonist X** » Wed Sep 03, 2003 12:39 am

gsdgsd wrote:
Tyrone worked for me for a while at the college newspaper. The University of Arizona: Building Tomorrow's Leaders Today!

Out of curiousity, what years were you at the U of A, and while you were on the paper, did you know a guy named Brian Peary who did layout? (Brian's a buddy of mine, and -- as far as I know -- NOT any sort of child-molesting fuckweed)

by **gsdgsd** » Tue Sep 02, 2003 4:17 pm

Addendum:

* He was busted a year before on child porn possession.

* His MOTHER is his chief legal defender. I'm pretty close to my parents-- but I get embarrassed when they see me drunk. If they found out I was jerking off on teenagers' faces, I'd shoot myself.

(I mean, if I actually did jerk off on teenagers' faces. Really.)

by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Tue Sep 02, 2003 4:10 pm

My understanding is that it was tricky to prosecute, because he didn't actually touch them and, as they were blindfolded, it wasn't "indecent exposure" or whatnot.

But it looks like they got him.

I don't know. I guess I have only limited sympathy for the girls because, Jesus, how could anyone be that stupid to enter into a situation like that, but just because you offer candy to a baby to get it into the van it doesn't mean you can boil it and eat it.

by **Debaser** » Tue Sep 02, 2003 3:59 pm

I gotta figure the guy's master plan was that the girls in question would be too embarassed about having actually fallen for that to turn him in. Still, points for originality.

Now, if he had admitted up-front that it was spunk but claimed it as some sort of holistic remedy, I wonder how <s>I'd</s> he'd fare.

by **gsdgsd** » Tue Sep 02, 2003 3:56 pm

Worm wrote:The Tuscon Weekly actually wrote "blowing your load"?

It's an "alternative" paper. They were pretty "edgy" back when I lived there.

So does Tyrone seem like the kind of guy who would do this?

Oh, absolutely. The bigger surprise is that he didn't kill and eat them later.

Greg

by **Worm** » Tue Sep 02, 2003 3:53 pm

The Tuscon Weekly actually wrote "blowing your load"? So does Tyrone seem like the kind of guy who would do this? Or is it some fucking Zionist conspiracy?

by **gsdgsd** » Tue Sep 02, 2003 3:46 pm

The Tucson Weekly wrote:Tucson porn-proprietor Tyrone Henry wants you to know that blowing your load on the faces of blindfolded, underage girls who think they're participating in a facial cream marketing study is not fraud or any other crime, no matter what the Arizona Court of Appeals said last month. He also wants you to know he was framed.

Whether he did it or not, he's serving a seven-year sentence because of the creative legal work of a Pima County prosecutor, Brad Roach.

In the summer of 2000, Roach was assigned to prosecute Tyrone Henry after two teenage girls said he lured them to his home to try out a product called "White Dew" facial cream he was developing. Instead of exfoliation, they said they got ejaculation.

The girls, 15 and 16 years old at the time, said Henry showed them examples of women with "clumpy" white cream on their faces and then blindfolded them. The girls said they heard heavy breathing and Henry say, "It's coming," and then felt a thick, warm substance applied to their faces. They said he took photos, paid them $10 a piece and convinced them to make follow-up appointments. Thinking about it later, they realized they'd been hoodwinked and called the police.

Tyrone worked for me for a while at the college newspaper. The University of Arizona: Building Tomorrow's Leaders Today!

Greg

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