Bruce's Dinner

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Expand view Topic review: Bruce's Dinner

by Vitriola » Tue Mar 16, 2004 7:34 pm

I'm not a huge fan of Aussie wines, but based on the fact that occasionally I get one that's pretty decent for a good price, I won't down them. Specifically, Yellow Tail Chardonnay and alot of the $13 and higher Shiraz's are pretty good.

For those not in the know, a Shiraz is just the Syrah grape, but grown in Australia. Two names for the same thing in 2 locations.

by Debaser » Tue Mar 16, 2004 6:33 pm

Thirsty Lizard is nowhere near as mind-devestating as that article makes Cisco out to be. It looks and tastes funky (I'm pretty sure that if I'd thought to check, the bottle I had would have glowed in the dark), but it's only about as alchoholic as regular wine. Sorry if I was unclear on that.

by bruce » Tue Mar 16, 2004 6:20 pm

Debaser wrote:Since we're on the topic of bad wines, let's talk Aussie Wine.
...
The wine was called "Thirsty Lizard", which should tell you something about something.
...
Really it was more of a pink color. Now I'm not talking about one of those froo froo sissy blush wines here. No, this was an aggressive, in your face, x-treme pink. Or perhaps more of a female-fronted New Wave band sort of a pink. Oh, fuck it, let's just say "neon" and get on with it.

As for the taste? Well, okay, you know orange soda? You know how the companies that make orange soda sometimes make soda in other fruit flavors like grape or cherry or what have you? It was like cherry soda. Not cherry cola (which would have been even wierder). Cherry soda. Only someone snuck up while your back was turned and poured a couple of mouthfuls of some off-brand liquor into the can while you weren't looking. That, in a nutshell, is the "Thirsty Lizard" experience.

Status: Not Recommended!
Wow. I think you have somehow found the Australian version of Cisco.

Even if they do brand it as a "white shiraz".

Congratulations?

by Debaser » Tue Mar 16, 2004 5:47 pm

Since we're on the topic of bad wines, let's talk Aussie Wine.

I'm not normally a wine drinker, understand. I'll drink it with dinner, I'll drink it before I drink cheap beer, and I'll drink it if it's free, but I'm not going to seek it out most of the time. As far as my pallate goes... well, I can tell the difference between red and white, but I can never remember which is supposed to go better with three day old Chinese takeout.

But somehow I got ahold of this bottle of... well I guess taxonomists would insist on referring to it as wine on some sort of technicality, like how they call a duckbilled platypus a mammal just to fuck with the "normies". The wine was called "Thirsty Lizard", which should tell you something about something.

Now, I'm not sure if this was supposed to be a red or white, because really it was more of a pink color. Now I'm not talking about one of those froo froo sissy blush wines here. No, this was an aggressive, in your face, x-treme pink. Or perhaps more of a female-fronted New Wave band sort of a pink. Oh, fuck it, let's just say "neon" and get on with it.

As for the taste? Well, okay, you know orange soda? You know how the companies that make orange soda sometimes make soda in other fruit flavors like grape or cherry or what have you? It was like cherry soda. Not cherry cola (which would have been even wierder). Cherry soda. Only someone snuck up while your back was turned and poured a couple of mouthfuls of some off-brand liquor into the can while you weren't looking. That, in a nutshell, is the "Thirsty Lizard" experience.

Status: Not Recommended!

by Vitriola » Tue Mar 16, 2004 10:18 am

It was horrid. Vinegarey, weak, bitter, and stomach-churning. South American wines su--- wait.

by pinback » Tue Mar 16, 2004 10:07 am

bruce wrote:
Vitriola wrote:Oh yeah, and after tasting 2 different highly recommended red Chilean wines, the reviews are in, and they cannot be heard over the sound of people yakking up red Chilean wines.
I'm not sure if that's intended to be a good thing or a bad thing. It means either,

"Wow, this wine is so nasty you puke it right back up," or "Wow, this wine is drinkable, and so cheap that you can afford to drink it until you puke."

Bruce
This is Jolt Country, Bruce. The place where nobody says anything positive about anything! C'mon, man. Get with the program!

by bruce » Tue Mar 16, 2004 8:22 am

Vitriola wrote:Oh yeah, and after tasting 2 different highly recommended red Chilean wines, the reviews are in, and they cannot be heard over the sound of people yakking up red Chilean wines.
I'm not sure if that's intended to be a good thing or a bad thing. It means either,

"Wow, this wine is so nasty you puke it right back up," or "Wow, this wine is drinkable, and so cheap that you can afford to drink it until you puke."

Bruce

by Vitriola » Mon Mar 15, 2004 10:46 pm

Oh yeah, and after tasting 2 different highly recommended red Chilean wines, the reviews are in, and they cannot be heard over the sound of people yakking up red Chilean wines.

by Vitriola » Mon Mar 15, 2004 10:44 pm

In Brazil, the national drink is Cachaca, which is a rum-like drink made from the cane juice instead of the molasses and without our 40% bullshit attached to it. Aloisio and Lorenzio had much the same conversation about the sugarcane.

Brazilian national drink Caipirinha, available at Churrascarias near you:

Code: Select all

1 lime

2 ounces of cachaça

Sugar to taste

Ice cubes 

Wash the lime and roll it on the board to loosen the juices. Cut the lime into pieces and place them in a glass. Sprinkle with the sugar and crush the pieces (pulp side up) with a pestle. (We have a long, wooden one from Brazil, made specifically for this purpose.) Just enough to release the juice, otherwise it'll get bitter. Add the cachaça and stir to mix. Add the ice and stir again. It is delicious and potent!

You can also make a pitcher of caipirinha. Figure out how many people and multiply amounts. If you can't find cachaça where you live, use a good vodka. The drink will then be called caipiroshka. No vodka? Use white rum and you will have a caipiríssima.  Caipirinhas made with sake are all the rage in Rio now! 

by bruce » Mon Mar 15, 2004 5:37 pm

Vitriola wrote: Where's the alcohol in the Pisco sours? The Pisco? What's that?
Yeah. The Pisco.

It's the Peruvian National Liquor.

It's pretty much Peruvian (or Chilean) grappa: a grape distillate, high-potency, good for stripping paint and knocking you on your ass, but not real subtle. I'm sure the recipe is something like:
Two Peruvian Winemakers wrote: Eh, Pedro, we have made all our wine, si?
Si, Manuel!
But Pedro, we have all thees shit of grape stems and nasty-ass crushed grapes and stuff left! What shall we do?
Manuel! Let us take that shit, and ferment it, and then distill the <i>fuck</i> out of it!
Si, Pedro! We will get shitfaced!
Bruce

by Vitriola » Mon Mar 15, 2004 5:09 pm

bruce wrote:I mentioned Pisco Sours, didn't I?

Pisco Sour (about 4 drinks)
1 C Pisco
1/4 C lime juice
1 egg white
1/4 C light syrup

Salmonella: chya right, like anything's going to survive in that kind of acidic and alcoholic environment.
Where's the alcohol in the Pisco sours? The Pisco? What's that? I threw out the egg whites because I didn't have these ingredients, or know which booze to use.

The not Key lime pie, however, was excellent.

by Ice Cream Jonsey » Sat Mar 13, 2004 7:43 pm

I thought I read somewhere that it was going to take forty-six minutes to make, so I didn't end up doing it.


=(

by Vitriola » Sat Mar 13, 2004 7:29 pm

Yeah, how'd that go?

by Ice Cream Jonsey » Sat Mar 13, 2004 1:55 pm

Vitriola wrote:Note to self: This weekend! Make one of these recipes.
Haha, I'm going to go get limes in a sec here while you're reading about the Blue Beetle and you won't know why I left the apartment till you read this. Ho ho ho heh heh heh.

by Vitriola » Sat Mar 13, 2004 11:53 am

I used to drink orange juice blended with an egg and sugar, so I'm good on that. I've already had salmonella, and can't get it again, so I'm good on both counts. I am also rather wondering if I did, in fact, survive the deulge of drinks I poured down my throat last night, so those bases seem to be covered nicely.

by bruce » Sat Mar 13, 2004 11:44 am

I mentioned Pisco Sours, didn't I?

Pisco Sour (about 4 drinks)
1 C Pisco
1/4 C lime juice
1 egg white
1/4 C light syrup

Put everything in a blender. Blend until frothy. Pour over crused ice. Drink.

The syrup: there's an actual Peruvian gummy syrup that's designed for this, but dissolving a lot of confectioner's sugar in a very little hot water works nearly as well. You just want a supersaturated sugar solution.

Salmonella: chya right, like anything's going to survive in that kind of acidic and alcoholic environment. <i>You're</i> not going to survive if you have more than four of these, or at least you will wish the next day that you hadn't.

Bruce

by Vitriola » Sat Mar 13, 2004 10:31 am

I was going to post something shallow about your spelling of bearnaise, but upon looking it up, I find that about 15,000 people on either side of the fence spell it each way. Odd.

Note to self: This weekend! Make one of these recipes.

Bruce's Dinner

by bruce » Fri Mar 12, 2004 9:44 pm

Tonight's menu: pan-fried steak with Bearnaise Sauce, steamed asparagus, and baked potato. Dessert: Not Key Lime Pie.

In the following recipes, you want to time everything so it's all done about the same time, except the dessert. I made the pie yesterday; you need to finish cooking it at least 4 hours before dinner so it has time to chill and set properly. Where I don't give quantities for salt and pepper, assume it's "to taste"--a little, not a lot, as you like. C=cup, T=tablespoon, t=teaspoon.

Let's get the boring stuff out of the way first:

Baked Potatoes:
2 medium-sized baking potatoes
Put on a cookie sheet. Bake at 400 for 1 hour. Cut open, put on butter, sour cream, salt, and pepper (bacon and cheddar are also good, but probably not as a side dish to this dinner). Eat.

Steamed Asparagus:
3/4 lb. asparagus
Steam for about 8 minutes. Steam, do not boil. If you boil it it gets all soggy. Eat.

Now on to the things that require technique:

Pan-Fried Steak (based on <i>Best Recipes</i> cookbook):
2 steaks, 8-12 oz. each, 1.5 inches thick, some cut you like
salt
pepper
1 T high-temperature vegetable oil (canola is probably what you have, and it's fine. Corn oil is OK too. Olive oil has too much flavor and won't get hot enough. Same, alas, for butter.)

Heat a heavy cast-iron skillet--anything that holds heat really well, but cast iron is a) best, and b) really quite cheap--on medium heat for 10 minutes. While that's happening, put salt and pepper on both sides of both steaks.

When skillet is hot, put oil into it and swirl around to coat.

Put steaks in skillet. Cook for 5 minutes, moving occasionally to keep them from burning to the pan. Flip over and cook for 3 minutes more for rare, 4 for medium-rare, 5 for medium. For Jonsey, transfer to 450 oven and bake for six hours.
Remove steaks from heat and let rest for five minutes before cutting into.

Bearnaise Sauce (from Julia Child's <i>Julia's Kitchen Wisdom</i>, more or less):
2 eggs
1.5 sticks butter
1 T tarragon
1 side of a shallot
1/2 cup white wine vinegar
salt
pepper

Take 2T butter and cut into little cubes about a quarter inch on a side. Chill this (or keep it chilled if your butter came out of the fridge). Melt the rest of the butter, for instance by putting in a bowl, microwaving for 40 seconds on high, and then stirring with a fork.
Chop the shallot fine.
Put the shallot, the white wine vinegar, the tarragon, the salt, and the pepper. Cook over medium-high heat until there's just like 3T of vinegar left--that is, reduce it until the liquid is mostly gone.
Separate the egg yolks. In a stainless steel--NOT a cast-iron--pan, beat the yolks for a couple minutes until they thicken a little and turn a sort of lemony color. Now put them over medium-low heat and add the vinegar/shallot mixture and 1T of the chilled butter. Beat continuously until everything dissolves and then you start to see the pan between strokes of the whisk.
Now take the pan off the heat and add the other 1T of chilled butter and keep beating. Once that butter dissolves, start beating in the melted butter, very very slowly at first or else the sauce will separate. As you add more you can begin to add it more at a time. Beat until it's all thick and creamy, and then you're done with the Bearnaise sauce.

Now pour the Bearnaise on the steaks and asparagus, and eat. Serve with a heavy-side-of-medium red wine--a cabernet sauvignon, or a hefty Shiraz or something like that.

Not Key Lime Pie (also mostly <i>Best Recipe</i> cookbook):
4 limes
1 14-oz can sweetened condensed milk
4 eggs
10 graham crackers
5T butter
3T granulated sugar
3/4 C heavy whipping cream
1/4 C confectioner's sugar

Preheat the oven to 325. Melt the butter. Crush graham crackers to a fine crumble. Mix crackers and sugar in medium bowl. When well blended, stir in butter with a fork until you have a paste. Now put paste in a 9-inch pie plate and press out until it covers the bottom and the sides and you have a crust. Put this in the oven and bake for about 15 minutes, until the crust browns and becomes fragrant.

Separate the egg yolks. Throw away the whites and shells, or make Pisco Sours, or something. Juice the limes, so you have about 1/2C of strained lime juice. Zest one or two of the limes to get 4t of lime zest (a ginger grater works well for this, but a cheese grater will also do the trick).

Beat the egg yolks and lime zest together for about 2 minutes, until the yolks start to turn greenish. Beat in the can of sweetened condensed milk. Beat in the lime juice. Set aside to thicken.

Take the pie crust out of the oven and let cool for about 20 minutes until it's room temperature. Pour the filling into the crust and bake for 15-17 minutes, until the center is set but still a little jiggly. Take out of the oven and let cool to room temperature (about 20 minutes). Then refrigerate for at least 3 hours.

Just before you eat it: whip the cream until it forms soft peaks. Then add the confectioner's sugar and whip until it forms stiff peaks. Then spoon it over the pie. Eat.

Bruce

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