Roody_Yogurt wrote:I have to agree with Couch Cous Cous here, except for Terry Farrel being considered so hot.
And now, to drag this place down even further, I present:
DEBASER'S GUIDE TO THE WOMEN OF STAR TREK:
Uhura: I never understood why, on a show which featured some new beautiful go-go booted betty for Kirk to bang every week, they stuck a middle-aged receptionist in the regular cast. I mean, it's not like she was a great character or anything, she was just a lower middle class wage slave stuck in perpetual casual Fridays with those uniform skirts.
STATUS: NOT RECOMMENDED!!
Tasha Yar: Why was it that Star Trek could never give a woman a real name? I mean, I'm sure it's like Russian or Bosnian or something, but when you've already got the Klingons running around sticking extra apostrophes in every word, you'd think that they could have dubbed everyone
without forehead prosthetics with something recognizable. Anyway, Tasha. She's okay if you like hulking nordic types, but...
Well, far too manly for one. I mean, I guess the thought is that the target audience is used to getting beaten up by chicks, so they wanted to supply one they wouldn't be embarassed to recieve a pummeling from.
For two, Denise Crosby leaving a season in to find an acting career, discovering she can't act, and then clinging like some passive-aggessive parasite to the fan base's lust for her kind of kills the mood. I mean, hey, being tall, blond, vapid, but too proud for nude scenes didn't add up to the fabulous superstardom you envision, so you can A) Suck is up and return to the show, B) Get a real job, C) Do a couple guest spots then make a documentary that reveals (SHOCK) Trekkies are kind of weird and creepy. In a just universe, the woman would be starring in Bone Trek VI, the Search for Spunk right about now.
STATUS: Not Recommended!
Deanna Troi: Lt's see: Short, annoying voice, did
not age well. She kind of became the show's default sex symbol after Denis Crosby left, and I give the woman the thumbs up for realising she'd found a steady paycheck for her meagre talents and embrasing that role for as long as she could and then moving on to doing voice-over work like the rest of the TNG cast. But really, those uniforms became downright embarrassing as the show wore on, and the woman looks almost
exactly like my mother.
STATUS: Recommended???
Dr. Crusher: Well, aside from the fact that Dr. Crusher is a better name for a Spider Man villain than a Starfleet officer, I'll just point out that she was kind of pretty but like forty years old and the only woman in Star Trek history to wear
more clothing than the regular cast. Has her fans, probably because she reminds lots of people of the English teacher who popped their cherry Freshman year of college.
STATUS: Recommended!
Dr. Polaski: A sixty year old Polish woman who looked like a fifty year old Jewish man.
STATUS: NOT RECOMMENDED!!!
Ro Laren: I guess TNG/DS9 was during Berman's "Warrior Woman" phase and by Voyager/Enterprise time they'd moved on to creepy autistics. Ro was not exactly a classic beauty or anything, but she probably gained a bit by being seen next to Whoppie Goldberg all the time. Really, the entire appeal behind Ro, though, is that while some women crinkle their noses in some adorable when they laugh, she does it ALL THE TIME.
STATUS: Recommended!
Lt. Kira: Ro Laren, only a little older, a little bonier, and a little more manly. A better character, of course, but I doubt any Trekkies were weeping into their semin-stained pillows when she wound up paired with the shapeshifter.
STATUS: Kinda recommended.
Jadzia Dax: Pretty much the first regular Star Trek cast member I found myself legitimately attracted to. She's also the only woman in the history of Star Trek to look good wearing regular clothes, or at least what passes for regular clothes in the Star Trek universe. Pretty face, actually reasonably young, and those little spots were exotic without getting into creepy pseudo-bestial prosthetics. Sure, she used to be a dude, but that just means she'd have no problem with girl on girl. Think about it!
I suppose I should deduct points for leaving the show before the last season, but at least she had enough talent to reasonably expect a post-trek career. I mean, she's not Dame Judi Dench or anything, but moving on to a sitcom with Sam Malone was about fair.
STATUS: RECOMMENDED!!
Ezri Dax: Bashir's consolation prize after the Worf/Jadzia stunt romance. Cute in her way, but honestly I can't even remember what she looked like except "girlish". I may come back and revise this after I catch the DS9 reruns (hint: I won't).
STATUS: Recommended???
Kes: Speaking of "girlsih". She was kind of cute in a bizarro fae sort of fashion, but she was associated with Neelix, the the worst scifi character not played by Wil Wheaton ever, and was technically like three years old.
STATUS: Not Recommended!
Belanna: Another character I can't really picture in my mind's eye, so I'll just point out that Star Trek fans, as a species, probably wouldn't have been looked down upon so much if Paramount hadn't insisted on dressing six-foot women with spiky prosthetics on their foreheads in goofy leather dominatrix outfits. Klingon women were pretty much the definition of fucking creepy.
STATUS: NOT RECOMMENDED!!
Seven of Nine: Okay, having seen Jeri Ryan both in and out of that pseudo-fetish silver thing the producers forced her into, I will say she has the best tits on television since Jewel's early days as a late night musical act. On the other hand, she's like the punch line to every anti-geek joke written after 1996, which means you can't even really yank it to her without feeling a bit too much shame. Plus, turning her into a snarky, nigh-austic fembot with a bad haircut was a huge tactical error as far as I'm concerned.
STATUS: Recommended!
What's her face the Vulcan on the new show with the short hair and the goofy face and... ah fuck it even I don't watch Enterprise anymore.
STATUS: Not Recommended!
[quote="Roody_Yogurt"]I have to agree with Couch Cous Cous here, except for Terry Farrel being considered so hot.[/quote]
And now, to drag this place down even further, I present:
DEBASER'S GUIDE TO THE WOMEN OF STAR TREK:
[b]Uhura:[/b] I never understood why, on a show which featured some new beautiful go-go booted betty for Kirk to bang every week, they stuck a middle-aged receptionist in the regular cast. I mean, it's not like she was a great character or anything, she was just a lower middle class wage slave stuck in perpetual casual Fridays with those uniform skirts.
[b]STATUS:[/b] NOT RECOMMENDED!!
[b]Tasha Yar:[/b] Why was it that Star Trek could never give a woman a real name? I mean, I'm sure it's like Russian or Bosnian or something, but when you've already got the Klingons running around sticking extra apostrophes in every word, you'd think that they could have dubbed everyone [i]without[/i] forehead prosthetics with something recognizable. Anyway, Tasha. She's okay if you like hulking nordic types, but...
Well, far too manly for one. I mean, I guess the thought is that the target audience is used to getting beaten up by chicks, so they wanted to supply one they wouldn't be embarassed to recieve a pummeling from.
For two, Denise Crosby leaving a season in to find an acting career, discovering she can't act, and then clinging like some passive-aggessive parasite to the fan base's lust for her kind of kills the mood. I mean, hey, being tall, blond, vapid, but too proud for nude scenes didn't add up to the fabulous superstardom you envision, so you can A) Suck is up and return to the show, B) Get a real job, C) Do a couple guest spots then make a documentary that reveals (SHOCK) Trekkies are kind of weird and creepy. In a just universe, the woman would be starring in Bone Trek VI, the Search for Spunk right about now.
[b]STATUS:[/b] Not Recommended!
[b]Deanna Troi:[/b] Lt's see: Short, annoying voice, did [i]not[/i] age well. She kind of became the show's default sex symbol after Denis Crosby left, and I give the woman the thumbs up for realising she'd found a steady paycheck for her meagre talents and embrasing that role for as long as she could and then moving on to doing voice-over work like the rest of the TNG cast. But really, those uniforms became downright embarrassing as the show wore on, and the woman looks almost [i]exactly[/i] like my mother.
[b]STATUS:[/b] Recommended???
[b]Dr. Crusher:[/b] Well, aside from the fact that Dr. Crusher is a better name for a Spider Man villain than a Starfleet officer, I'll just point out that she was kind of pretty but like forty years old and the only woman in Star Trek history to wear [i]more[/i] clothing than the regular cast. Has her fans, probably because she reminds lots of people of the English teacher who popped their cherry Freshman year of college.
[b]STATUS:[/b] Recommended!
[b]Dr. Polaski:[/b] A sixty year old Polish woman who looked like a fifty year old Jewish man.
[b]STATUS: NOT RECOMMENDED!!![/b]
[b]Ro Laren:[/b] I guess TNG/DS9 was during Berman's "Warrior Woman" phase and by Voyager/Enterprise time they'd moved on to creepy autistics. Ro was not exactly a classic beauty or anything, but she probably gained a bit by being seen next to Whoppie Goldberg all the time. Really, the entire appeal behind Ro, though, is that while some women crinkle their noses in some adorable when they laugh, she does it ALL THE TIME.
[b]STATUS:[/b] Recommended!
[b]Lt. Kira:[/b] Ro Laren, only a little older, a little bonier, and a little more manly. A better character, of course, but I doubt any Trekkies were weeping into their semin-stained pillows when she wound up paired with the shapeshifter.
[b]STATUS:[/b] Kinda recommended.
[b]Jadzia Dax:[/b] Pretty much the first regular Star Trek cast member I found myself legitimately attracted to. She's also the only woman in the history of Star Trek to look good wearing regular clothes, or at least what passes for regular clothes in the Star Trek universe. Pretty face, actually reasonably young, and those little spots were exotic without getting into creepy pseudo-bestial prosthetics. Sure, she used to be a dude, but that just means she'd have no problem with girl on girl. Think about it!
I suppose I should deduct points for leaving the show before the last season, but at least she had enough talent to reasonably expect a post-trek career. I mean, she's not Dame Judi Dench or anything, but moving on to a sitcom with Sam Malone was about fair.
[b]STATUS:[/b] RECOMMENDED!!
[b]Ezri Dax:[/b] Bashir's consolation prize after the Worf/Jadzia stunt romance. Cute in her way, but honestly I can't even remember what she looked like except "girlish". I may come back and revise this after I catch the DS9 reruns (hint: I won't).
[b]STATUS:[/b] Recommended???
[b]Kes:[/b] Speaking of "girlsih". She was kind of cute in a bizarro fae sort of fashion, but she was associated with Neelix, the the worst scifi character not played by Wil Wheaton ever, and was technically like three years old.
[b]STATUS:[/b] Not Recommended!
[b]Belanna:[/b] Another character I can't really picture in my mind's eye, so I'll just point out that Star Trek fans, as a species, probably wouldn't have been looked down upon so much if Paramount hadn't insisted on dressing six-foot women with spiky prosthetics on their foreheads in goofy leather dominatrix outfits. Klingon women were pretty much the definition of fucking creepy.
[b]STATUS:[/b] NOT RECOMMENDED!!
[b]Seven of Nine:[/b] Okay, having seen Jeri Ryan both in and out of that pseudo-fetish silver thing the producers forced her into, I will say she has the best tits on television since Jewel's early days as a late night musical act. On the other hand, she's like the punch line to every anti-geek joke written after 1996, which means you can't even really yank it to her without feeling a bit too much shame. Plus, turning her into a snarky, nigh-austic fembot with a bad haircut was a huge tactical error as far as I'm concerned.
[b]STATUS:[/b] Recommended!
[b]What's her face the Vulcan on the new show with the short hair and the goofy face and... ah fuck it even [i]I[/i] don't watch Enterprise anymore.
STATUS:[/b] Not Recommended!