Casual Observer wrote:My fondest memory of a strip club is at Mints. As I lay on my back on the stage, the stripper kneeled over my face and plucked a rolled dollar bill out of my mouth with her lips (vertical ones of course). After that, I don't really need to experience any other strip clubs.

Yeah, things definitely went well for you there.

It was actually rather awkward the last time a bunch of us went. Well, I thought so, anyway. We were sitting up front -- sometimes you just want to tip the dancer without going through all the horseshit of them getting their junk in your face to get the thing. That, coupled with how they have those ridiculous coins makes things just stupid. (I have read on the Internet that you should tip each dancer a buck if sitting up front. The Internet has never lied to me.)

It's also come to my attention that you should never give your credit card to anyone at one of those places. I think I took some money out across the street beforehand, so I was OK. Dodged a bullet. The ATM fees are like $5, plus, the miserable fuckers that run places like that can not be trusted, I don't think. Who can really tell, who can really tell.

Vitriola wrote:I'd like to go to Sundowners or the other place next, though I heard it was larger and less personal. I'm not really looking to make friends or get shed on when I go to a club.

Yeah. I think I am OK with a place not being "personal" if I am going to get thrown out because the pace I was drinking at wasn't good enough for them. I have no idea what they were expecting -- people have to fucking drive out of that shithole. What a bunch of desperate fucking losers running that place. How the hell do you send some poor drinks girl over like that? At least be a man about it and do it yourself.

(Unless the chick in question was bluffing and we called her bluff. Either way, fuck 'em. No reason to ever go back.)

My fondest memory of a strip club is at Mints. As I lay on my back on the stage, the stripper kneeled over my face and plucked a rolled dollar bill out of my mouth with her lips (vertical ones of course). After that, I don't really need to experience any other strip clubs.

After hearing all the good things about Mints, I was disappointed that the managament had turned into a bunch of drink Nazis because the girls were rather decent. I'd like to go to Sundowners or the other place next, though I heard it was larger and less personal. I'm not really looking to make friends or get shed on when I go to a club.

AArdvark wrote:Living close to Cananda, I tend to see a lot of beaver. some of the finest beaver in the world is in Canada. I

I bet you do see a lot of beaver in Canada. What's your favorite, Mints or Sundowner?

Such lovely images of peace and tranquility at the butterfly pavillion. who sponsored it again? Vincent Price?

Coming soon to a theater near you..Butterfly Pavillion Nightmare the 13th on Elm Street.

What do the 'butterflies' eat, guests?

I went to one of those on Wellesly island last summer and the only things in there were butterflies. It was free, to boot. They did have a donation jar tho. Think I dropped a quarter.


THE
I DINT GET SKEERED
AARDVARK

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:But they are sinister. And they are cunning. And evil. They map to human intelligence more than any other creature I've ever encountered. They are terrible.

They really do target you for removal when you piss them off. My last job involved research plots set into the ground outside in California, which was prime black widow and wolf spider habitat. They nested in my buckets, and when I had to get into them, a bit of caution was required. Upon finding the requisite spider in every plot, I often would try and save the spider in the beginning of our territorial disputes, thinking a systematic removal would be in order. Well, it didn't work for Israel, and it sure didn't work for me. Placing the dispossessed one many feet away, it would usually then turn, look at me, rear up, and proceed to come back at me, completely ready to take me on, knowing it's battle would end in sacrificial suicide, but feeling the need to redeem itself and gte it's family honor back. After that, I adopted a more preventative philosophy most often used in horror movies: kill it, kill it again, and then don't turn your back on the corpse.

Worm wrote:So there weren't ANY butterflies? Maybe, they are out of season or something.

There were the butterflies in the main arboretum like you'd expect, but you got upsold the minute you walked in and they soaked you for $8 for something it took you 15 minutes to walk through. They have such an expensive system to upkeep, that they needed to give people more to look at to justify the price they were charging. They also had those 4 inch long mantises that looked like leaves that blended so well that you'd stick your face right up next to the glass trying to catch a view of one, wondering if anything was in there, and then the twig an inch from your face would turn it's head and look at you, causing you to screech and jump back in alarm, agitating the bees and causing the spiders to sequentially start hissing, not unlike a street full of dogs barking in turn as you walk down the street.

So there weren't ANY butterflies? Maybe, they are out of season or something.

The only bugs I really have trouble are ones that nest inside your house. Ants, I'll kill if I see them inside my house, they really don't bother me though. Though, Earwigs really got to me when they were all about my room. Though they only freaked me out when I woke up with one on me.

AArdvark wrote:Maybe they should have called it PHOBIA PAVILLION.

If this was a theme restaurant that sold pizza, I'd be there.

Debaser wrote:You got to see a giant bird eating spider and you're complaining about it?

Tricked! I was tricked into seeing the giant, bird-eating spider. That is clarification that I feel is necessary for reiteration.

I mean, I'll avoid the obvious jokes about going to see a butterfly pavilion in the first place because I've done far pussier things for far worse reason than because my girlfriend was coming along.

I'm totally going to talk about her like she's not an active member of this BBS for a second. But she's awesome. She comes up with these great ideas for things to do on the weekend, stuff I didn't know the earth had, much less this state.

But still, giant bird eating spider? Goddamn.

Not just a soft, lesser bird, like a dove, either. The thing was mandibles-deep into an eagle. I think the one that wasn't out for display was chewing off the last bits of a fighter jet that it brought down.

I never got the whole fear of spiders thing. Really, if the spiders one day decided to start a revolution, you could foil all their dastardly plots just by wearing shoes.

True. But they are sinister. And they are cunning. And evil. They map to human intelligence more than any other creature I've ever encountered. They are terrible.

... But they are also good for the environment, killing off truly despicable pests. Thus, the quandary. My old townhouse was pretty airtight. I much prefer just chucking them out the window than killing them. Of course, now with three cats around even if they were to make themselves known it's not for very long.

WALL OF BEES, though, would give me a goddamn heart attack.

There was a tube that led to the outside, so that certain bees could get out and gather badwill or impregnate flowers or whatever their true function is.

It is my understanding that a study was done that posed the question, "How far will bees go to obtain the necessary life-enriching nutrients they need for survival?"

And the answer was... "As far as they need to."

Good for bees. Bad for me. Oftentimes I hardly voyage past the Discount Safeway across the street from me when it comes to a quick repast.

Living close to Cananda, I tend to see a lot of beaver. some of the finest beaver in the world is in Canada. I must admit that any spider with more fur than your average beaver is a HAIRY freaking spider. Smetimes when the beaver population get too large you have to chase them out of thier natural habitat. So if you go chasing beaver, make sure you carry protection, they can bite...

Maybe they should have called it PHOBIA PAVILLION. Meet your darkest fears in the fine mesh netting of nightmares. Sponsored by Wes Craven and the Maladjusted Society of Nebbishes.


THE
I DON' LIKE SPIDERS AND SNAKES
AARDVARK

You got to see a giant bird eating spider and you're complaining about it? I mean, I'll avoid the obvious jokes about going to see a butterfly pavilion in the first place because I've done far pussier things for far worse reason than because my girlfriend was coming along. But still, giant bird eating spider? Goddamn.

I never got the whole fear of spiders thing. Really, if the spiders one day decided to start a revolution, you could foil all their dastardly plots just by wearing shoes. At that point, the more persistent revolutionaries might try to scale your leg but then you just deploy the rolled up newspaper and you've reasserted your specieal dominance pretty handily. Not that I'm advocating war on the spiders, mind you. One time this tiny spider got inside my car and as I was driving home proceeded to construct an elaborate web amongst the fingers of my "two o'clock" hand. I don't know what microscopic particles he hoped to catch in his tiny little deathtrap, but I still felt guilty at the end of the ride when I had to move my digits after all the work he'd put into silking them up.

WALL OF BEES, though, would give me a goddamn heart attack. Flies freak me out, too, to the point where I've broken valuable objects by chucking 1000 page compendiums of Eastern thought across the room just to attempt... ATTEMPT to end the life of a fly. I figure maybe being crushed by the Bhagavad Gita will inspire them to come back as something a little less fucking disgusting next time. And Moths are my arch enemies. Really, nothing with wings should ever be in the same room with me unless it wants its shit fucked up hardcore style. Except butterflies. I remember this really roxxors to the max butterfly pavilion I saw in South Carolina when I was like twelve.

But basically, yeah. Birds shit on your head, bees sting, flies eat your food by regurgitaing their little flyshit all over it and moths get all up in your area and smack you in the face because they think the light on your computer screen is the fucking moon. Fucking moths. And those little brown ugly ladybug things that started infesting Illinois last year can go straight to hell too. They're tiny but they've got this huge fucking wingspan when they fly and drone all to get out when they've crawled through some microscopic hole in the wall to fly around your living space. Last summer every window screen in the Chicagoland area was fucking COVERED in those things. Like I think they were crawling over the dead bodies of their comrades just to fucking ruin your view of the out of doors that much more. Hate me some cicadas, too, but we don't seem to get them anymore. Or else there's some seven year cycle or something, I forget.

So I guessmy thesis here is this: Giant bird eating spider? GO GO GROUND TEAM!!!

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:BIRD EATING SPIDER .... Enough fur on that thing to put a lair of mynx-fucking beavers to shame.

That's a lotta fur.

Bruce

Here's my take on the Butterfly Pavillion in Westminster, Colorado: One guy telling everyone to sit down, and when they do, it's on a whoopee cushion.

"Ha-ha!! YOU GOT ME!!"

My girlfriend and I headed to it over the weekend. I thought we'd see... well, imagine you're in my shoes. I thought we'd see some butterflies. Some plants. That kind of thing. Maybe a wind machine out in the open.

Instead, as soon as you walk into the place you're greeted by a number of spiders. All shapes and sizes, too! HEY THANKS GUYS. Anyone looking for fur? Like a fur coat, I mean. Well, if the cost was previously prohibitive, it need not be any longer -- head down to the "Butterfly Pavillion" and kill yourself the giant BIRD EATING SPIDER they have locked up. Enough fur on that thing to put a lair of mynx-fucking beavers to shame.

I just love how they give you the carrot before giving you the stick. There are butterflies on the side of the building. The sign to the thing clearly has the term 'butterfly" in it. No mention of the sinking fangs and multi-colored, multi-legged little beasties anywhere.

I mean, is this funny? Is it funny to trick people into hanging out with their irrational fear? If you go to see an old railway are people shoving you on planes? If you go to see the world's biggest ball of twine are you forced into a contraption that takes you up a mile in the sky and... fuck, I can't even think of any other common phobias -- takes you up to great heights and demands that you commit to a woman or something? Then and only then: twine?

They did have a wall of bees there as well. That was pretty cool. All their eyes were on me, and all my eyes were on them, because due to that incident in the summer of 86 we just don't trust each other. Me and the bees, I mean, not me and the persons-taking-me-to-incorrectly-named museums.