by Debaser » Fri Jul 02, 2004 10:56 pm
Enough with this dothead shit.
If I can be said to have a philosophy of life (and I can) it's to consider nothing sacred. I smirk at religion and laugh out loud at geeks who get pissed because the movies don't adhere faithfully to the cannon of their favorite book/comic/whatever.
But there are two things I take seriously in my life. The first is not taking anything seriously in my life. The second is Italian Sausage.
It's not hard to make. Fuck, if I can make it, you can too. You don't even really need an outdoor grill (though it helps). But here are some rules:
1. Put in on a french roll, you goddamn fruit. People figure the French are only good for wine and righteous indignation, but the fact is that they're better at bread than any other nation. For Siva's sake, don't put it on a goddamn hotdog bun. In a civilized nation, they would stone you for that.
2. Don't eat it at a restaurant. Despite how easy it is to make, and despite the fact that there are like aprroximately 5,000 hot dog places in Chicagoland that make good Italian beef, no restaurant anywhere can resist the dread lure of overcooking their sausages. I think it has something to do with them being pre-prepared.
3. On a related note, don't overcook the sausage. You know you've done it right if, on the first bight, juices squirt out and scald your tongue. If they don't do that, you've fucked up. Start over, loser.
4. Ignore the homoeroticism of my talking about putting a sausage in my mouth and having hot juice squirt out. Please.
5. Potatos o'brien is the natural couterpart of Italian sausage, providing a soft, relatively tame counterpoint to the peppers and shit... I'm too drunk to remember the spice that's in Italian sausage. And again, it's ludicrously easy to make if you buy it in a bag. Just make sure it's the right bag. Oreida, for instance, puts in too many onions and not enough peppers. You can just make it yourself, but that involves cutting shit up, and Italian sausage is the official food of lazy people everywhere.
6. Beer is fine with Italian sausage. But drink decent beer, please. I also like... I'm sorry, but I like Mike's Hard Lemonade. It's like a girly drink in a bottle. I'd never drink it in a bar, especially with their new set of commercials about guys whose girlfriends are really tough or guys who are remarkably good at cunnilingus, but at home it's a perfectly acceptable mix between the dullness of soda and the bitterness of beer.
There, now you know all the secrets to decent Italian sausage. Go eat, bitches.
Enough with this dothead shit.
If I can be said to have a philosophy of life (and I can) it's to consider nothing sacred. I smirk at religion and laugh out loud at geeks who get pissed because the movies don't adhere faithfully to the cannon of their favorite book/comic/whatever.
But there are two things I take seriously in my life. The first is not taking anything seriously in my life. The second is Italian Sausage.
It's not hard to make. Fuck, if I can make it, you can too. You don't even really need an outdoor grill (though it helps). But here are some rules:
1. Put in on a french roll, you goddamn fruit. People figure the French are only good for wine and righteous indignation, but the fact is that they're better at bread than any other nation. For Siva's sake, don't put it on a goddamn hotdog bun. In a civilized nation, they would stone you for that.
2. Don't eat it at a restaurant. Despite how easy it is to make, and despite the fact that there are like aprroximately 5,000 hot dog places in Chicagoland that make good Italian beef, no restaurant anywhere can resist the dread lure of overcooking their sausages. I think it has something to do with them being pre-prepared.
3. On a related note, don't overcook the sausage. You know you've done it right if, on the first bight, juices squirt out and scald your tongue. If they don't do that, you've fucked up. Start over, loser.
4. Ignore the homoeroticism of my talking about putting a sausage in my mouth and having hot juice squirt out. Please.
5. Potatos o'brien is the natural couterpart of Italian sausage, providing a soft, relatively tame counterpoint to the peppers and shit... I'm too drunk to remember the spice that's in Italian sausage. And again, it's ludicrously easy to make if you buy it in a bag. Just make sure it's the right bag. Oreida, for instance, puts in too many onions and not enough peppers. You can just make it yourself, but that involves cutting shit up, and Italian sausage is the official food of lazy people everywhere.
6. Beer is fine with Italian sausage. But drink decent beer, please. I also like... I'm sorry, but I like [size=59]Mike's Hard Lemonade[/size]. It's like a girly drink in a bottle. I'd never drink it in a bar, especially with their new set of commercials about guys whose girlfriends are really tough or guys who are remarkably good at cunnilingus, but at home it's a perfectly acceptable mix between the dullness of soda and the bitterness of beer.
There, now you know all the secrets to decent Italian sausage. Go eat, bitches.