by Ben » Mon Sep 23, 2002 8:03 pm
I know we're supposed to use fake names, but that post really touched a nerve with me, and I hope you'll forgive me for getting a little self-indulgent with my answer.
In a gale force wind of coincidence, I was thinking about the very same thing earlier today... I was standing along the side of the Pacific Coast Highway at lunch, leaning up against my car, listening to the Kiley and Booms sports show, and eating a "veggie" sandwich with all sorts of healthy-looking stuff in it, while looking out over the ocean, watching the waves come in and crash against the rocks.
I thought back to twenty years ago, when my whole life was ahead of me, as I sat in my room, still flush with the excitement of the latest Knight Rider episode, dreaming of times which seemed impossibly far into the future, but which in fact rush up to hit you in the face like a 4-year-old girl in a Kohls parking lot.
What kind of person was I going to be? Where was I going to live? What was I going to do? What would I look like? What would my voice sound like? Would I still be alive? Would I be married? Would I be happy or sad?
Of course, even at that age I was wise enough to understand that you can never really know the answers to these questions until they've already answered themselves. But just as a little fun exercise, I spent some time with a pen and paper, writing down the answers the way I wanted them to "work out", as the original question put it. Pages and pages I wrote, too, in feverishly scribbled cursive, sitting there drawing my future self on a canvas of words.
I had to hide under the bed with a flashlight to finish, as bedtime came and went and I still refused to stop until my job had been completed. I took only short breaks to fake sleeping while my mother walked in to check on me. But then five seconds later, I was right back at it.
I saved all those pages, just so, twenty years later, I'd be able to compare my youthful vision of my adult self with what I'd actually become. Just so I could answer Gimmick's question. Answer it for this audience, sure, but it was more important that I be able to answer it myself.
I can now truly state in response that no, my life did not work out the way I thought it would.
I pictured it being a ham and cheese sandwich.
I know we're supposed to use fake names, but that post really touched a nerve with me, and I hope you'll forgive me for getting a little self-indulgent with my answer.
In a gale force wind of coincidence, I was thinking about the very same thing earlier today... I was standing along the side of the Pacific Coast Highway at lunch, leaning up against my car, listening to the Kiley and Booms sports show, and eating a "veggie" sandwich with all sorts of healthy-looking stuff in it, while looking out over the ocean, watching the waves come in and crash against the rocks.
I thought back to twenty years ago, when my whole life was ahead of me, as I sat in my room, still flush with the excitement of the latest Knight Rider episode, dreaming of times which seemed impossibly far into the future, but which in fact rush up to hit you in the face like a 4-year-old girl in a Kohls parking lot.
What kind of person was I going to be? Where was I going to live? What was I going to do? What would I look like? What would my voice sound like? Would I still be alive? Would I be married? Would I be happy or sad?
Of course, even at that age I was wise enough to understand that you can never really know the answers to these questions until they've already answered themselves. But just as a little fun exercise, I spent some time with a pen and paper, writing down the answers the way I wanted them to "work out", as the original question put it. Pages and pages I wrote, too, in feverishly scribbled cursive, sitting there drawing my future self on a canvas of words.
I had to hide under the bed with a flashlight to finish, as bedtime came and went and I still refused to stop until my job had been completed. I took only short breaks to fake sleeping while my mother walked in to check on me. But then five seconds later, I was right back at it.
I saved all those pages, just so, twenty years later, I'd be able to compare my youthful vision of my adult self with what I'd actually become. Just so I could answer Gimmick's question. Answer it for this audience, sure, but it was more important that I be able to answer it myself.
I can now truly state in response that [i]no[/i], my life did [i]not[/i] work out the way I thought it would.
I pictured it being a ham and cheese sandwich.