Why I really hate the holidays

by **mhuiraich** » Sun Sep 26, 2004 3:31 am

One of my friends in undergrad dressed up as a coffee table for halloween a couple of years ago, replete with tablecloth. Sounds boring at first glance, but it was fun at parties. The coffee table was strapped to his back, so he'd lay down on the floor in front of the couch. Pretty soon people would start putting their beers on the table.. then it would move ever so slightly away and into the next room.

by **Bugs** » Sat Sep 25, 2004 10:15 pm

I went as jerk-off man one year. All I needed was a long-sleeve shirt, something to stuff one sleeve with so as to appear asymetrically muscular, a box of kleenex and a nudie mag.

by **Jack Straw** » Sat Sep 25, 2004 9:32 pm

mhuiraich wrote: Moreover, the costumes are usually not even clever. This is particularly true in the college town that I live in. Last year, everyone seemed to dress up as a variant of your typical skank (male or female variety) or as a typical pop culture figure. More so the former.

I should just reuse my cardboard box from "Unabomber package", cover myself in flour and call it an anthrax-laden package.

Same idea really, but when's the last time you seen someone try to navigate a halloween party in a cardboard box? Great fun, and you can even play Metal Gear Solid and freak people out when they think they saw a box move on the floor. ROCK.

by **AArdvark** » Sat Sep 25, 2004 3:54 pm

How many times can they repackage Elvis and sell the same stuff over and over and over?

I totally ignore anything to do with Christmas until Dec. first. Don't get cards for people. Dont get wrapping paper. Nothing.

BTW: I don't remember Bugs on JC or The Truck Stop or Free File Farm. Those were the only dial ups I ever called. were you known by a different handle then? It's been so long....

I have this friend in florida I haven't talked to since, oh.. '96 or so. He had a unique outlook on Christmas.

As an example, he spent Thanksgiving opne year with a friend of his, totally wasted the entire four day weekend. He had no family to 'come home to' and she didn't have the means to travel to her home state. I guess it was a pretty good time for the both of them. That sounds like a way to celebrate. I guess.

THE
HO HO EFFING HO
AARDVARK

by **AArdvark** » Sat Sep 25, 2004 3:44 pm

Sorry about that. It was late and I was falling asleep at the keybosrd, besides, the post was rapidly becoming unfunny and a chore. I just hit enter and went to eat a midol and wash it down with a beer.

I will try to become a better poster in the future. That will involve lots of sleep because I am funnier when Iv'e had my 9 hours. As for the signoff, I will do two of them next post. Think of it as me running a stop sign and stopping twice at the next one to make up for it.

THE
SCREECH, GO. SCREECH, GO
AARDVARK

THE
DEJA VU
AARDVARK

by **Vitriola** » Sat Sep 25, 2004 3:44 pm

Worm wrote:
Vitriola wrote:Every post from you is 'this is you trying to be funny' or 'this is someone trying to be witty and insightful' or 'this is someone trying to be intellectual and put down someone else effectively' when all these posts from you are doing the EXACT same thing
I can only really enjoy my time on a forum once someone tries to "lay some truth on me" when only knowing me on a message board, and even then not very well compared to the other members. Thanks V.

Yeah, like that.

As for Christmas, I actually enjoy the decorations going up in November, but I probably don't go to stores often enough for it to annoy me. Winter was never my favorite season, always thought it was depressing, which, in upstate NY, it often was, so the holiday festivities couldn't start early enough for me. I also only have about 1-4 people any given year to buy for, so there's that. That Elvis Christmas Carol album, though? That's probably the worst thing ever recorded.

by **Worm** » Sat Sep 25, 2004 10:53 am

Vitriola wrote:
Worm wrote:Christmas is overcommercialized, we basically ALL know. I'm all for venting, but really guys can we rise above a Senfield episode that's trying to be intellectual?
Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you? Every post from you is 'this is you trying to be funny' or 'this is someone trying to be witty and insightful' or 'this is someone trying to be intellectual and put down someone else effectively' when all these posts from you are doing the EXACT same thing, although I get the impression that we all had a better time writing ours than you did. If you're not having fun, why are you here? If we're all just a bunch of morons trying to be the smart one on a bulletin board, why read it, let alone try and one-up us on the snob quotient? If you're so deadset on raising yourself above a bunch of people who just post some stuff they happened to think of, I mean, is this really a victory for you?

I can only really enjoy my time on a forum once someone tries to "lay some truth on me" when only knowing me on a message board, and even then not very well compared to the other members. Thanks V.

It just went a little too far, holidays are commercialized, it's America, everyone knows. I don't mind hearing what people just thought of, I though do mind having the collective thoughts of every fucking teenager from 78-2004 spit up with the major point/complaint being, they put up decorations SOOOOOOOOOOO
EAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRLLLLLLLYYYYY
MAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNN.
Especially so when it's like the person's 27th (I guess) Christmas/Halloween/Thanksgiving in America.

by **Vitriola** » Sat Sep 25, 2004 7:29 am

Worm wrote:Christmas is overcommercialized, we basically ALL know. I'm all for venting, but really guys can we rise above a Senfield episode that's trying to be intellectual?

Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you? Every post from you is 'this is you trying to be funny' or 'this is someone trying to be witty and insightful' or 'this is someone trying to be intellectual and put down someone else effectively' when all these posts from you are doing the EXACT same thing, although I get the impression that we all had a better time writing ours than you did. If you're not having fun, why are you here? If we're all just a bunch of morons trying to be the smart one on a bulletin board, why read it, let alone try and one-up us on the snob quotient? If you're so deadset on raising yourself above a bunch of people who just post some stuff they happened to think of, I mean, is this really a victory for you?

by **Bugs** » Fri Sep 24, 2004 11:04 pm

AArdvark wrote:Ah....This is Professor Vark..ah...There is a deep seated psycological...ah, revulsion, shall we say, towards the..ah..corruption of the holidays we hold most dear. Like the Native Americans that were invited to the first...ah.. Thanksgiving feast. They soon discovered a long lasting tradition, mainly thus, the Lions will, without fail, lose on that fateful Thursday. they obviously placed a wampum wager on da Bears. It is to be said that, under normal conditions our..ah.. holiday spirit has slowly and without some small assistance from the..ah..television industry, corroded, to what we in the mental health circles call dispartation. A feeling of..ah.. distancing oneself from the merriment and joy that the holiday was originally intended to celebrate. This ...

I think that's the first time I ever saw a post from you ANYwhere (and I'm talking about way back in teh dialup daze too) that didn't end in "THE ____ AARDVARK."

I feel... Empty.

THE
FLUMMOXED
BUGS

by **Debaser** » Fri Sep 24, 2004 8:08 pm

Worm wrote:Seriously I thought this was going to be a quick post about how chris should check out the articles page or something.

Since Worm took the time to obliquely plug me, I'll agree with him here.

Some people spend the Christmas season putting up intricate decorations and going deep into debt buying expensive presents for their nephews and grandchildren. These imbiciles drive the economy, so it's hard to get to mad at them. And since they are imbicels, it's hard to blame the people trying to exploit them.

Some people spend Christmas naked and drunk on Safeway Brand Safeway Eggnog with flashing lights wrapped around their genitals. Some people commit suicide.

Too each their own, sez I. If it bothers you that much, just get together with your loved ones and pick some day in May to exchange knit socks on.

by **AArdvark** » Fri Sep 24, 2004 7:41 pm

Ah....This is Professor Vark..ah...There is a deep seated psycological...ah, revulsion, shall we say, towards the..ah..corruption of the holidays we hold most dear. Like the Native Americans that were invited to the first...ah.. Thanksgiving feast. They soon discovered a long lasting tradition, mainly thus, the Lions will, without fail, lose on that fateful Thursday. they obviously placed a wampum wager on da Bears. It is to be said that, under normal conditions our..ah.. holiday spirit has slowly and without some small assistance from the..ah..television industry, corroded, to what we in the mental health circles call dispartation. A feeling of..ah.. distancing oneself from the merriment and joy that the holiday was originally intended to celebrate. This ...

by **Worm** » Fri Sep 24, 2004 7:11 pm

Seriously I thought this was going to be a quick post about how chris should check out the articles page or something.

Christmas is overcommercialized, we basically ALL know. I'm all for venting, but really guys can we rise above a Senfield episode that's trying to be intellectual?

by **mhuiraich** » Fri Sep 24, 2004 1:22 pm

To some extent, I noticed this when I was a kid. Halloween isn't a remotely scary holiday anymore. That is, nobody dresses up as potentially frightening or cardiac arrest inducing hooligans. Moreover, the costumes are usually not even clever. This is particularly true in the college town that I live in. Last year, everyone seemed to dress up as a variant of your typical skank (male or female variety) or as a typical pop culture figure. More so the former.

by **Vitriola** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 6:34 pm

That only makes real pranks even less expected. How can one go wrong here? molesters making door to doors impractical, psychos making candy unsafe, and everybody else feeling safe and complacent? IT'S A GOLDEN AGE.

by **AArdvark** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 6:27 pm

Not stop shopping, STOP USING THE HOLIDAYS TO MAKE A BUCK!!!!!

That's all they seem to be good for now-a-days. Remember when it used to be fun to go out on Halloween and blast people with a Co2 fire extinguisher? Or how about aiming the furnace blower down the driveway and dropping bags of baby powder in the intake when kids would approach?

Not a bit of commercialization in any of that stuff...

Now it's watch the Simpsons special on TV and hand out Hershey's minis that I bought in the black and orange decorated bin at the grocery store in AUGUST!!!!

GRRRRR.

THE
PHOOMP!!
AARDVARK

by **Worm** » Tue Sep 21, 2004 4:55 am

Yeah, but the fundamental problem is that we are all assuming that the brunt of the people at one time want to stop shopping.

by **AArdvark** » Tue Sep 21, 2004 3:13 am

So it's not the holiday itself, it's the merchants that take advantage of them and commercialize the shit out of them. I think the holiday is neither here nor there, it's what you make of it. If all you want is for people to spend, spend, spend then it reduces the true meaning of it.

A small anecdote; Dr. Suess wrote 'The Grinch' as a jab at the over-commercialization of christmas (and that was in the 50's) So now he croaks ( he wouldn't release the rights) and his widow OK's the movie rights. They make a movie out of it and you can go out and buy all that junk relating to the movie, further reducing the message of the movie. A vicious cycle.

THE
ANYTHING FOR
A BUCK
AARDVARK

by **bruce** » Mon Sep 20, 2004 10:37 am

pinback wrote:RAUUGHGHGH!!!!

Yeah. What he said.

Bruce

by **pinback** » Mon Sep 20, 2004 9:56 am

RAAGHGHH!! GRAAAUGHGHH!! RAAAHGHGH!! BLAAHGHGUH!! FRAAUGHGHHH!! BRAAaGUGUH!

RAUUGHGHGH!!!!

by **Lysander** » Mon Sep 20, 2004 9:05 am

Just fuck Thanksgiving and Christmas in general, seriously. Why should everyone celebrate Christmas? I think it's a sad look at the human condition that we need a day to be nice to everyone. Which doesn't work, incidentally. It just pisses everyone off who wanted to be mean. And thanksgiving? Yes! Let's all be thankful of the hundreds of Indians we slaughtered! Let's be thankful for Crabine rifles we used to completely decimate them! And of course, let's all give a good ol' thank you to their open, trusting nature, and the Small Pox virus! Without htem they might have actually stood a snowball's chance in Hell of succeeding! And what do we do for each holiday? Gourge and give people things. Can't we think of anything better to do than get fat and give people shit? Seriously, the only two good holidays are the fouth of July and Saint Patric's day. Celibrating our indipendence from Britain by letting off huge motherfucking explosions. Yeah. I dig that. And who doesn't love Saint Patty's day? It's a day where te whole point is to get roaringly drunk. How can you overcomercialize that? But other than those two, I think we need to just give up and start over.

Why I really hate the holidays

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