by bruce » Tue Jan 25, 2005 8:10 pm
Hey, Lex! Happy Burns night!
Yes, that's right, it's Robert Burns's birthday! And here's Bruce's Guide to Burns Night.
1) Drink a lot of Scotch. In fact, consider that Step 1 goes in between all the other steps. Even the steps that are themselves Step 1 repeated. This means you're drinking Scotch recursively. Indeed, even, fractally. If fractal Scotch drinking doesn't make sense to you, drink more Scotch.
2) Shout all the Robert Burns "poetry" you can remember. I put "poetry" in sneer quotes, because, let's face it, you probably need to be ripped on Scotch before it seems like poetry. In my case, this consists of yelling "Wee sleekit cow'rin' tim'rous beastie!" at the dogs repeatedly. After a few repetitions they are cowering and timorous. I guess they're wee and sleekit compared to, I dunno, mastodons or something.
3) Put on a miniskirt and remove your underwear. It helps, but is not essential, if the miniskirt is plaid.
4) At some point during the evening you will probably vomit on the floor. This is OK. Point proudly to it, and declaim that this is "The Presentation of the Haggis."
4a) If you don't vomit, feel free to expose yourself to someone and call that "The Presentation of the Haggis."
4b) Or take a shit on the sidewalk, &c.
Bruce
Hey, Lex! Happy Burns night!
Yes, that's right, it's Robert Burns's birthday! And here's Bruce's Guide to Burns Night.
1) Drink a lot of Scotch. In fact, consider that Step 1 goes in between all the other steps. Even the steps that are themselves Step 1 repeated. This means you're drinking Scotch recursively. Indeed, even, fractally. If fractal Scotch drinking doesn't make sense to you, drink more Scotch.
2) Shout all the Robert Burns "poetry" you can remember. I put "poetry" in sneer quotes, because, let's face it, you probably need to be ripped on Scotch before it seems like poetry. In my case, this consists of yelling "Wee sleekit cow'rin' tim'rous beastie!" at the dogs repeatedly. After a few repetitions they are cowering and timorous. I guess they're wee and sleekit compared to, I dunno, mastodons or something.
3) Put on a miniskirt and remove your underwear. It helps, but is not essential, if the miniskirt is plaid.
4) At some point during the evening you will probably vomit on the floor. This is OK. Point proudly to it, and declaim that this is "The Presentation of the Haggis."
4a) If you don't vomit, feel free to expose yourself to someone and call that "The Presentation of the Haggis."
4b) Or take a shit on the sidewalk, &c.
Bruce