I swear, I bought like fifteen sauces in preparation for some grand return of the Reviewz the Hot Saucez series. And then I made two horrible mistakes.
The first mistake was, I decided to (
sans recipe, or really any coherent plan whatsoever) make a hot sauce.
The second mistake was, I made it by throwing in a lot of this, and a little of that, and a few shakes of the other, and now there's no way I'll be able to recreate it.
Which is too bad.
Because
Ben's "FART! HEHEHEHE" Banana/Mango XXX Hot Sauce (Batch #1) is the greatest hot sauce I have ever tasted.
The first second you taste it, you are overcome with a warm, tropical sweetness which rolls over you like glowing embers on a cold winter night.
In the second second, somebody tosses an entire bottle of lighter fluid onto the embers.
In the third second, the bottle explodes, and you are destroyed by a brilliant, searing habanero heat which does its best to wipe out the delectable sweetness underneath, but just can
never quite seem to get there.
It is perfection.
And I'll never be able to make another bottle.
Let's try a recipe, though, from memory, because the general structure should be fairly easy to recreate. It's just a matter of balancing the ingredients, and the time right.
Ingredients
-------------
1 ripe banana, rough chop
1 ripe mango, rough chop
2 fresh habanero peppers, stemmed
2-4 cloves garlic
1 tbsp chopped fresh parsley
1 cup vinegar
1 tsp salt
1 tsp allspice
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 cup white sugar
1/4 cup honey
1. Put vinegar, garlic, habaneros in saucepan, simmer for 10 minutes (or so).
2. Add sugar, banana, mango, allspice, cinnamon, salt. Simmer 5 more minutes.
3. Put mix into blender with parsley, and puree until very smooth.
4. Return to pan, return to a simmer, add honey.
5. Simmer until it gets to... I dunno, the right consistency for a hot sauce. (Remember, it will thicken as it cools, so quit it before it gets too thick.)
6. Press cooked mixture through a strainer.
7. Cool in fridge.
8. Bottle, and sell for $100 per 5 oz serving, because the shit's that good.
I dunno. I don't think I'll ever be able to recreate this pure orgasmic taste sensation.
But until this one single bottle is empty, the world's greatest hot sauce exists in apartment 309 of the Laguna Del Rey apartments, in Playa Del Rey, CA.
Ask for it by name.
I swear, I bought like fifteen sauces in preparation for some grand return of the Reviewz the Hot Saucez series. And then I made two horrible mistakes.
The first mistake was, I decided to ([i]sans[/i] recipe, or really any coherent plan whatsoever) make a hot sauce.
The second mistake was, I made it by throwing in a lot of this, and a little of that, and a few shakes of the other, and now there's no way I'll be able to recreate it.
Which is too bad.
Because [b]Ben's "FART! HEHEHEHE" Banana/Mango XXX Hot Sauce (Batch #1)[/b] is the greatest hot sauce I have ever tasted.
The first second you taste it, you are overcome with a warm, tropical sweetness which rolls over you like glowing embers on a cold winter night.
In the second second, somebody tosses an entire bottle of lighter fluid onto the embers.
In the third second, the bottle explodes, and you are destroyed by a brilliant, searing habanero heat which does its best to wipe out the delectable sweetness underneath, but just can [i]never quite seem to get there[/i].
It is perfection.
And I'll never be able to make another bottle.
Let's try a recipe, though, from memory, because the general structure should be fairly easy to recreate. It's just a matter of balancing the ingredients, and the time right.
Ingredients
-------------
1 ripe banana, rough chop
1 ripe mango, rough chop
2 fresh habanero peppers, stemmed
2-4 cloves garlic
1 tbsp chopped fresh parsley
1 cup vinegar
1 tsp salt
1 tsp allspice
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 cup white sugar
1/4 cup honey
1. Put vinegar, garlic, habaneros in saucepan, simmer for 10 minutes (or so).
2. Add sugar, banana, mango, allspice, cinnamon, salt. Simmer 5 more minutes.
3. Put mix into blender with parsley, and puree until very smooth.
4. Return to pan, return to a simmer, add honey.
5. Simmer until it gets to... I dunno, the right consistency for a hot sauce. (Remember, it will thicken as it cools, so quit it before it gets too thick.)
6. Press cooked mixture through a strainer.
7. Cool in fridge.
8. Bottle, and sell for $100 per 5 oz serving, because the shit's that good.
I dunno. I don't think I'll ever be able to recreate this pure orgasmic taste sensation.
But until this one single bottle is empty, the world's greatest hot sauce exists in apartment 309 of the Laguna Del Rey apartments, in Playa Del Rey, CA.
Ask for it by name.
[img]http://sonowthen.net/crap/hotsauce.jpg[/img]