This is where the thread went I couldn't find. I always assumed that when you released a game non-internet, that is, when people actually PAY for it, that it would come in a nice, full color box. Maybe a pastel or neon colored floppy, an instruction manual in three or four colors (with some graphics) a handy quick start card and maybe a keyboard layover template. I don't remember why I thought this. I don't even remember where I am going with this, something about printing the system requirements on the side of the box cover. Minimum sys req and Jonsey's recomended stats in high contrast script. Anyway, I feel better for having finished my disconnected thought. I have taken sick recently and do not think straight after all the meds.

THE
GAME DESIGN
AARDVARK

You just know someone is having the same conversation right now at shmups.org or jazzplayers.net or something.

Since IF fell out of the mainstream many years ago (and now floats along little tributaries), isn't the circle of players small enough that elitism should be encouraged?

Isn't it possible to keep the unwashed masses away from the pride and joy, the wonderful and enlightening social strata that is IF, that they obviously do not deserve?

I'm selfish of my expierences, and ask that you Jonsey, do not encourage this filth to take part in what is a very personal and very enduring expierence for me. Though since I am of course a better person than all of you, I will allow this one instance of the Avant Garde being forgotten and forgive this sin.

Protect the faith!

[quote="AArdvark"]Anyone who cannot see the retro humor in the requirements should not be allowed to play the game. [/quote]

Er, well --


[quote]you should have a printed questionaire in the box.[/quote]

Well, you see --


[quote]Answer all ten of these questions and then you are allowed to install the game. [/quote]

But I was trying to --


[quote]Mind you, it IS possible to install the game without even looking at the printed form, but the directions ask the person to fill out the thing first.[/quote]

Ulp!


[quote]My neighbor called me about her new HP and was 'worried that her Norton Security trial program was up in a couple days and what should she do about it?' Did she have to send her information over the internet to get everything 'happy' again? Information is knowledge. Knowledge is power. [/quote]

Yeah, but --


[quote]Information is free, why the hell don't these people use this greatest font of knowledge and information the world has ever known to GET A CLUE![/quote]

I should also clarify the following. She could not get an object called the "urn" in the game. You need the urn to ultimately progress.

As it turns out the copy I gave her was 1.01, which (aside from one copy I burned through Mixonic.com) [i]didn't exist anywhere else[/i].* Apparently the urn wasn't in that game or something.

So I gave a person new to IF

1) A game that said "VGA CARD REQUIRED HURR HO HO HO"

2) A game that could not be completed in the version it was in. I just grabbed a copy off the bookcase and handed it to her -- I was displaying that copy of the game because it had no value as an actual, playable object. A one of a kind FAILURE.

Do you understand just how far back I set text games? I sent them back to the mother-fucking FIFTIES, Vark! The FIFTIES! I LIKE IKE!

If this very nice and patient person wants to ever play another text game I am directing her to Photopia. Everyone thinks Lex is quite the looker, by the way.


* I don't think. It's been a couple years.

Another great thread here, everyone. Fantastic work

Anyone who cannot see the retro humor in the requirements should not be allowed to play the game. you should have a printed questionaire in the box. Answer all ten of these questions and then you are allowed to install the game. Mind you, it IS possible to install the game without even looking at the printed form, but the directions ask the person to fill out the thing first.

My neighbor called me about her new HP and was 'worried that her Norton Security trial program was up in a couple days and what should she do about it?' Did she have to send her information over the internet to get everything 'happy' again?
Information is knowledge. Knowledge is power. Information is free, why the hell don't these people use this greatest font of knowledge and information the world has ever known to GET A CLUE!

Oh, and she also wanted to play her favorite game but the new HP's don't have floppy drives anymore (her favorite game is on a floppy disc) what can she do about that?


Sorry, rant over.. back to IF and vga cards and such..

THE
PEEVED
AARDVARK

[quote="Jack Straw"]no, but we can say "middle aged balding piece of insecure shit"[/quote]

Hey, fuck [i]you[/i] too.

Bruce

no, but we can say "middle aged balding piece of insecure shit"

Ah, okay, good.

[b][i]N1GGER![/i][/b]

You're not editing goddamn are you? Isn't it enough we can't say NIIIIGGER!!!???

Well, no. The thing I am working on now will be the best thing I personally have ever contributed to the "g dayum" art, by a long shot.

That's the closest you've gotten to pronouncing IF dead on this BBS.

Harbinger? Death knell?

A friend of Vitriola's was over and saw, or was informed about, the game Necrotic Drift. Because of my enormous, crippling ego I have a copy of the game on the bookshelf next to the signed 2600 version of Crystal Castles. I'm willing to admit that there is something wrong with me, just in a different thread.

Anyway, her friend does not spend up to 15 hours in front of a computer like I and maybe some others within the sound of this font do, and was having some trouble installing the game. The CD version of Necrotic Drift that I used to sell on Feelies has a setup.exe file to hopefully smooth the process, so I was just going to direct her to double clicking on that to get it going.

Before that, though, she said that she saw something on the lower-left corner of the box which said, "VGA Adapter Card and 32 MB RAM Required." Back in the Magnetic Scrolls days they used to list requirements there and in my attempt to make a delicious retro re-issue, I did the same. She did not think she had this card and INSTANTLY I felt like the world's biggest jerk for trying to get cute with the packaging. I mean, Christ, the barrier is already steep enough without my nonsense.

... This has been another [i]Moment in IF History[/i] and addition evidence why the same 200 guys, 3 pups owned by One of the Bruces and Emily Short are the only people currently involved in the text game scene and ever will be. Thank you... and good night!