by Ben » Mon Jan 06, 2003 3:01 am
I've frequented (some would say, a little TOO frequently) this establishment, in its various incarnations, for years now. I've had a heck of a lot of fun too, all along the way.
I've had a lot of time recently, though, to think about life, to think about myself, and also how I deal with other people. I look back on Deja from some of the years gone by, and seen some of the flamewars I've been deeply involved with, and I kind of scare myself.
I thought I'd chilled out a little, and I actually believe I had, but everything's relative. After my recent tragedy, though, I find myself being supersensitive in my dealings with other people. Now that I'm hurting, I know what it's like to be hurt, and I look back through the various things I've posted here, and on RFTK BBS and other places, and I see what everyone already saw, but which I perhaps was blind to in the face of trying to be funny, or trying to be "controversial", or trying to be... I dunno, trying to be "Pinback", or something.
And now I'm looking around and through the stuff I've written here, even recently, and I see that a lot of the stuff I've written was intended, if evenly jokingly, to hurt.
I've said nasty things. Not only about the host here, with regard to his relatively low output of "content" lately, or to other people for such insignificant things as spelling or grammar errors, or more "important" things (though it's funny to even think that way now) like what's important in game design, or what's constitutes true humor, or who's.... well, I could go on, but that's not the point.
The point of this whole thing is just to tell you all this one thing which has finally occurred to me after this entire week of emotional torment and reviewing my dealings with you people here:
Anything I've ever said which you construed as mean-spirited, or hurtful, or hostile, or damaging, or in any way otherwise unpleasant, I absolutely meant, from the bottom of my heart. And I still do.
Because, let's face it. You suck. You've always sucked, and the forecast calls for a 100% chance of sucking in your local area. I nailed it, dead on, every single time. I'd say that I pity you, but the fact is, I actually pity me, because I have to deal with you on a daily basis.
Jesus.
I've frequented (some would say, a little TOO frequently) this establishment, in its various incarnations, for years now. I've had a heck of a lot of fun too, all along the way.
I've had a lot of time recently, though, to think about life, to think about myself, and also how I deal with other people. I look back on Deja from some of the years gone by, and seen some of the flamewars I've been deeply involved with, and I kind of scare myself.
I thought I'd chilled out a little, and I actually believe I had, but everything's relative. After my recent tragedy, though, I find myself being supersensitive in my dealings with other people. Now that I'm hurting, I know what it's like to be hurt, and I look back through the various things I've posted here, and on RFTK BBS and other places, and I see what everyone already saw, but which I perhaps was blind to in the face of trying to be funny, or trying to be "controversial", or trying to be... I dunno, trying to be "Pinback", or something.
And now I'm looking around and through the stuff I've written here, even recently, and I see that a lot of the stuff I've written was intended, if evenly jokingly, to [i]hurt[/i].
I've said [i]nasty[/i] things. Not only about the host here, with regard to his relatively low output of "content" lately, or to other people for such insignificant things as spelling or grammar errors, or more "important" things (though it's funny to even think that way now) like what's important in game design, or what's constitutes true humor, or who's.... well, I could go on, but that's not the point.
The point of this whole thing is just to tell you all this one thing which has finally occurred to me after this entire week of emotional torment and reviewing my dealings with you people here:
Anything I've ever said which you construed as mean-spirited, or hurtful, or hostile, or damaging, or in any way otherwise unpleasant, I [b]absolutely meant[/b], from the bottom of my heart. And I still do.
Because, let's face it. You suck. You've always sucked, and the forecast calls for a 100% chance of sucking in your local area. I nailed it, dead on, every single time. I'd say that I pity you, but the fact is, I actually pity me, because I have to deal with you on a daily basis.
Jesus.