The Top 100 Keyboard Keys of All-Time

by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Thu Nov 20, 2008 12:55 am

#93 - Z

Nobody thought I forgot about this list, did they? Fuck no I didn't forget. Listen, THIS IS ALL I HAVE.

I think this is the best spot for z - it was the key that was so useless, Infocom knew it would be free to assign as a shortcut for "wait," which was, and usually is, a fairly bullshitty part of a text game. "Oh, look at me, I am breaking the game!" says the person >waiting all the time. "I made the clock flip on Pantomime! Hee hee hee!"

Furthermore, I dumped the db for Jolt Country Dot Com and did a letter-by-letter check... and we used Z the least of all 26 letters. And ZORK IS MY FAVORITE GAME. You won't miss it, and you'll be glad it is nowhere near the top of this list.

by **Worm** » Mon Oct 06, 2008 8:30 pm

What about Num Lock? I will probably argue against your num lock placement no matter where you place it.

by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Mon Oct 06, 2008 12:51 am

Middle "C" is gonna be at the top of the list, because I use it constantly, you curmedgeon cunt-crackle. I have "perfect pitch" for one note! Middle C! I can always tell when it has entered the room!

by **Bugs** » Tue Sep 30, 2008 7:46 pm

Can you just tell me where middle C is going to be on this countdown so I can stop wasting my time viewing unread posts?

by **Tdarcos** » Tue Sep 30, 2008 9:01 am

pinback wrote:Right Alt can fucking SUCK MY BALL BAG.

America, FUCK YEAH!
Coming again, to save the mother fucking day yeah,
America, FUCK YEAH!
Freedom is the only way yeah,
Terrorist your game is through cause now you have to answer to,
America, FUCK YEAH!
So lick my butt, and suck on my balls,
America, FUCK YEAH!

by **AArdvark** » Wed Sep 17, 2008 5:05 pm

So basically all the right hand function keys are being profiled here? I bet the right hand windows key and the same-as-right-click key will show up soon.

Know what I don't like? The insert key. Accidentally hit it while inserting text and you've overwritten something. This is not helpful when writing programs for machine tools. I don't like the key and I wish the key would get caught in an embarrassing photo scandal with the Governor of Alaska.

THE
COVER OF
KEYBOARDING MONTHLY
AND THE POST
AARDVARK

by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Wed Sep 17, 2008 4:17 pm

Bleedin fucked me too, man. Fucked me, too.

by **pinback** » Wed Sep 17, 2008 3:59 pm

I was molested by RIGHT CTRL as a child.

by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Wed Sep 17, 2008 3:42 pm

#94 - RIGHT CTRL

There is very little to say. I don't think, except for the resetting Windows thing, I've ever pressed this key. I should hook it up to the alarm system on my car or something.

It's a fucker. It's a horrible fucker and I don't particularly care for it.

I'm looking at the key right now, on my Saitek keyboard. And although I try to have a meaningful relationship with all 101 keys... me and Right Cntl? We have nothing to say to each other.

And that's the saddest thing of them all.

by **hygraed** » Thu Sep 11, 2008 2:48 pm

CO wrote:
Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:Seriously, can any of you tell me the last time you went, "Phew! Glad I had right alt and right control!"?
Yeah, without those keys it would be impossible to do the three finger salute with only one hand. I don't seem to need this as much now that windows is somewhat more stable but there were times that I needed this convenience several times a day.

Yeah, if you lose the rhythm it takes you a while to get back into it

by CO » Thu Sep 11, 2008 11:50 am

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:Seriously, can any of you tell me the last time you went, "Phew! Glad I had right alt and right control!"?

Yeah, without those keys it would be impossible to do the three finger salute with only one hand. I don't seem to need this as much now that windows is somewhat more stable but there were times that I needed this convenience several times a day.

by **AArdvark** » Wed Sep 10, 2008 5:11 pm

I want a computer that does what I want. I want to open my laptop and say:

"Hey, you silicon shit, get all of Jolt Country's new messages and read them back to me in different voices for each poster."

then it actually does it.

plus the keyboard will not have a double click button.

THE
NEXT ON THE LIST
AARDVARK

by **bruce** » Wed Sep 10, 2008 5:04 pm

Worm wrote:At least it's a direct reaction to the moronic mac rhetoric. "A computer that works the way you work".

Are you implying that the Mac doesn't work in a pissed-off drunken semi-stupor?

Bruce

by **Worm** » Tue Sep 09, 2008 6:50 am

At least it's a direct reaction to the moronic mac rhetoric. "A computer that works the way you work".

by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Mon Sep 08, 2008 9:21 am

Seriously. I assume it's all some attempt to humanize Microsoft and Gates, but man, I hate being manipulated.

And actually, for being at one time the richest guy in the world, he does not seem to be (previous to these commercials)(er, not that the commericals made him) a huge prick.

by **hygraed** » Mon Sep 08, 2008 6:36 am

More importantly, why is Gates shopping at discount shoe stores?

by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Sun Sep 07, 2008 2:44 pm

I appreciate the help there. We really are in the worst section of the keyboard. Little to say to some useless keys.

And speaking of which: what on earth is up with these Seinfeld / Bill Gates ads? If ever there was a guy that I would think uses a Mac, it's Jerry Seinfeld.

by **pinback** » Sun Sep 07, 2008 10:07 am

Right Alt can fucking SUCK MY BALL BAG.

by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Sat Sep 06, 2008 5:40 pm

#95 - RIGHT ALT

Here is how shitty the right alt key is: I have NOTHING to say about it, or its buddy the right control key. They almost killed this list!

Seriously, can any of you tell me the last time you went, "Phew! Glad I had right alt and right control!"?

by **AArdvark** » Mon Sep 01, 2008 2:58 pm

DOH!!!!!!

The Top 100 Keyboard Keys of All-Time

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