I hope there's video.


THE
RECOIL
AARDVARK

Re

Flack wrote:(PS: I am kidding about this. Not the facts, but the tone. Just having a bit of fun. TDarcos, I enjoyed the video regardless of my billing order, and you did not have to redo it. The video was one of your best so far!)

The inability to detect sarcasm is one of the first signs of dementia. Luckily most of us are out of wheelchair range for when he cracks.

YES! Nothing goes better with crepes than BEING A WINNER!

For those of you who didn't catch on, in one of the 9,305 crepe threads, TDarcos said he wasn't sure in what order we (the crepe sponsors) would appear, since we were all paying the same amount. In an attempt to be sneaky, instead of sending $10 I actually sent $10.01! This is the equivalent of being a jack-ass bidder on eBay, but I was sure my plan would garner me top billing.

All was well until the nefarious Ice Cream Johnsey decided to sabotage my plans by sending in $10.10! ICJh claims that this was an accident, but I don't see how that could be. How could someone accidentally screw up my plans?!!? I am pretty sure ICJh visits me in the night and spies on my brain. I am in the process of covering my windows with anti-static fabric and have begun sleeping in my tin foil hat. SO FAR IT'S WORKING.

So after I saw ICJh's pathetic attempt to steal from me my moment at the top, I fired back by sending TDarcos another dollar -- A WHOLE BUCK -- putting my payment at $11! (Because Spinal Tap taught us that the great things in life go to 11!) Somehow, TDarcos missed the payment (I assume he took Johnsey's dime as a bribe) and EVEN THOUGH I PAID THE MOST I did not receive top billing! THIS CAUSED ME GREAT EMOTIONAL DISTRESS AND I WAS NOT ABLE TO ENJOY THE CREPES!

Everything has been corrected. The video has been fixed, I have been moved to the top, all is right in the world and now I declare the crepes video to be the greatest video of all time.

(PS: I am kidding about this. Not the facts, but the tone. Just having a bit of fun. TDarcos, I enjoyed the video regardless of my billing order, and you did not have to redo it. The video was one of your best so far!)

Flack wrote:

Tdarcos wrote:

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:"JON-sey"? Is that how it reads to all of you? Is that what's been going through your brains all these years? I am truly shocked. I'm not mad. I thought ... I thought it came off as "JONES-y." Although it is spelled differently. I had no idea I was doing that to all of you.

Also, apparently the agreement was forgotten?

Jonsey, you paid $10.10. Flack paid $10.01. Ben paid $9. 45 or some number like that (He did pay $10; Paypal collects a fee for the transaction, it's like 55c). I thought I went through everything I was supposed to.

I paid $11!!! I sent you an extra dollar today after Johnsey screwed up my plan with his extra dime!!!

This has been corrected, this now contains the re-uploaded video that has your name first.

I think there might be delays with my email. My customer I'm doing programming for replied to a message at 8 in the morning and I never saw it. Also, when I was doing the video at the time I looked I only saw 3 payments, not 4. Had I seen the other $1 I'd have put Flack's name first as I said I would do.

Oh, the raw video for this as .avi files uses 204 megabytes. As .mov files, it uses 1.05 GB. That's not counting the original videos I didn't even use because the last segment got lost when the camera shut down.

If anyone wants the original uncut video files I'll post them on-line or mail a DVD. I can tell you what's in the outtake I did intentionally that I dropped. I was stirring the batter, and I said, "This has got to be the worst fucking shit I've ever eaten. Oh wait, this is the batter, I need to cook it first."

To make up a good gag reel of the mistakes I've made from different videos would take a while. It's 1:30 in the morning and I'm too tired to do it now. Also, we've got good weather, I want to go to the theater tomorrow and see "Atlas Shrugged Part I."

pinback wrote:How did THAT taste, huh?

(No, seriously... how did they taste?)

They were perfect, they always are. What amazed me is that by simply following the recipe, I get perfect ones every time. One cup all purpose flour, 1/2 cup milk, 1/2 cup water, 2 tbsp margarine, 2 eggs and a little salt. And I wasn't even following the instructions that closely. I just mixed everything together and made sure it was all stirred until smooth. The instructions said to mix in a certain way and use a whisk; I wasn't that careful. Then I just cook for at least two minutes, then turn over and cook 2 more. If I miss and do 3, they don't burn. And they're never raw inside.

Good show, old chap. You make a mean crepe!

Where's the outtakes?

Tdarcos wrote:

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:"JON-sey"? Is that how it reads to all of you? Is that what's been going through your brains all these years? I am truly shocked. I'm not mad. I thought ... I thought it came off as "JONES-y." Although it is spelled differently. I had no idea I was doing that to all of you.

Also, apparently the agreement was forgotten?

Jonsey, you paid $10.10. Flack paid $10.01. Ben paid $9. 45 or some number like that (He did pay $10; Paypal collects a fee for the transaction, it's like 55c). I thought I went through everything I was supposed to.

I paid $11!!! I sent you an extra dollar today after Johnsey screwed up my plan with his extra dime!!!

How did THAT taste, huh?

(No, seriously... how did they taste?)

That was the finest cooking video I have ever seen, and it was well worth every penny. A triumph.

Today is the single-greatest day in the history of this BBS, web or dial-up form. Thank you gentlemen.

Thank you.

That's the best $9.45 + processing fee I've spent in 2011.

Flack wrote:This is bullshit! BULLSHIT!

WHERE'S MY TOP BILLING!!!

Congrats to Ice Cream Johnsy on stealing my top billing.

PS: The crepes looked very nice.

PPS: Is that a degree in crepe-ology hanging on the wall there?

The upper one is my commission as a notary public from the Commonwealth of Virginia. The lower one is my commission as a notary public from the State of Maryland. I figure anyone seeing it wouldn't be able to read the text other than "Commonwealth of Virginia" and figure it was a diploma or a license to practice law or medicine or something much more significant rather than a license to practice as a Notary Public.

Technically it's a commission, not a license. When you're commissioned, it means when you're acting in that function you're acting as a government official, as minor as the role is. Virginia takes it much more seriously.

In Maryland, impersonating a notary is a misdemeanor. In Virginia, impersonating a notary is a class 6 felony. Someone told me that the penalty for dealing crack in Virginia is less than for pretending to be a notary when you're not commissioned.

Flack wrote:PPPS: I like how you used a different, non-contaminated fork. Kudos!

PPPPS: Where is that low-rumble in your audio coming from?

When I did the video I mention I needed a second knife because the first one would be dirty. Then I realized I said "knife" not "fork" so I had to re-record it. That particular segment I did in my room where the wheelchair charger is plugged in, I suppose that was the noise.

The regular noise through the rest of the video is the microphone on the camera catching the noise in the room.

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:"JON-sey"? Is that how it reads to all of you? Is that what's been going through your brains all these years? I am truly shocked. I'm not mad. I thought ... I thought it came off as "JONES-y." Although it is spelled differently. I had no idea I was doing that to all of you.

Also, apparently the agreement was forgotten?

Jonsey, you paid $10.10. Flack paid $10.01. Ben paid $9. 45 or some number like that (He did pay $10; Paypal collects a fee for the transaction, it's like 55c). I thought I went through everything I was supposed to.

"JON-sey"? Is that how it reads to all of you? Is that what's been going through your brains all these years? I am truly shocked. I'm not mad. I thought ... I thought it came off as "JONES-y." Although it is spelled differently. I had no idea I was doing that to all of you.

Also, apparently the agreement was forgotten?

This is bullshit! BULLSHIT!

WHERE'S MY TOP BILLING!!!

Congrats to Ice Cream Johnsy on stealing my top billing.

PS: The crepes looked very nice.

PPS: Is that a degree in crepe-ology hanging on the wall there?

PPPS: I like how you used a different, non-contaminated fork. Kudos!

PPPPS: Where is that low-rumble in your audio coming from?

F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5-F5 ...

[youtube][/youtube]

pinback wrote:I am creating this thread so there will be one place we can all agree that the video link will be posted once it's done.

Good news and bad news. The good news: It's done, it's finished, it's edited.

The bad news: Windows Movie Maker will need another 64 minutes to bake the movie, so it won't be ready until probably 5:45, then it will take about 20 minutes to upload, so you won't be able to see it until about 6 pm, Eastern Daylight Time.

But you'll get it here as soon as I can get it on YouTube. Is anyone interested either in the raw footage, or the outtakes? I made one, about 20 seconds especially for you guys, do you want to just have me tell you what it was or do you want to see it? (It's not in the finished video because it's NSFW and I do "family" videos.)

Update: as of 5:18 the video still needs 35 minutes to cook. As of 6:19 it's been uploaded to YouTube so I should have the URL any minute.

I am creating this thread so there will be one place we can all agree that the video link will be posted once it's done.