My (heavily redacted) Adventures on OKCupid

by **Tdarcos** » Mon Mar 19, 2012 2:21 am

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:This BBS is fucking Zero Guys. That's what this shithole is.

Well, since you own and manage this 'shithole', what does that make you, Chief Sewage Manager? :)

by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Fri Mar 16, 2012 10:40 pm

Why's that, friend? I still haven't had a burger yet, JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. Why can't you support me a little here? At Five Guys Burgers, there's five guys keeping each other on the up and up. This BBS is fucking Zero Guys. That's what this shithole is.

by **pinback** » Fri Mar 16, 2012 8:22 pm

I'm not terribly comfortable with this thread.

I'm glad everyone else is enjoying it, though.

by **AArdvark** » Fri Mar 16, 2012 3:46 pm

Best cupcakes on the planet.

As a rule I do not like cupcakes and I hate frosting. I had these at a wedding last October and shoveled six of them down my gullet. They have only gotten better since.

THE
CUPCAKE MONSTER
AARDVARK

by **Flack** » Fri Mar 16, 2012 10:52 am

On my last anniversary, the wife and I stopped by Pinkitzel to buy some cupcakes. For about 30 seconds we had this delusion that we were going to buy cupcakes for all of our friends at work to celebrate our 15th anniversary. After entering the store we discovered that designer cupcakes are $3.50/each, so instead we bought half a dozen cupcakes, ate two of them, and split the other four among all our friends (after greatly altering our list of "friends"). And I think two people may have had to split one.

It's hard to enjoy a cupcake when, after every bite, your spouse says, "there goes 75 cents".

by **hapticanimal** » Fri Mar 16, 2012 9:55 am

RR is still asleep so I FINALLY have some time to do what I have been meaning to, talk to you guys!

Update- Well, I'm still here, that probably says it best. Neither of us is suffering any physical damage. However, the emotional scars will last a lifetime. I'm in the process of looking for a therapist so I can get a jump on the damage accounting. I'm excited.

Other than that, we've settled into a routine of sorts, one where we have no idea what is happening from day to day and the only constants are RR's incessant emotional torture and my desire to have a cupcake.

On that note, I'm off to wake him up and find a cupcake. Or 12. What? Emotional torture takes a lot out of a girl. And I haven't had a cupcake in AGES.

by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Mon Mar 12, 2012 10:43 pm

Is this the thread where Ben yelled at me to post a picture of a cheeseburger? I haven't had one yet.

by **Flack** » Mon Mar 12, 2012 10:30 pm

About time for the two week update, RR. Hopefully everyone is still happy and laceration free.

by **hapticanimal** » Sun Mar 04, 2012 9:53 pm

http://i884.photobucket.com/albums/ac49 ... CF4053.jpg

AArdvark, you get major points for that. Like, so many points that I will have your babies. And I do not say that lightly.

by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Sun Mar 04, 2012 8:19 pm

Did you scan that yourself, Varkus? That's why you're the secret MVP of this place. Excellent work.

by **AArdvark** » Sun Mar 04, 2012 7:41 pm

getting squelchy (first person to correctly guess the reference wins a cookie!)

All I can think of is a throw-away line from Stephen King's Christine...

Somehow I doubt it's the correct answer.

THE
BUZZER
AARDVARK

by **bruce** » Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:24 pm

Flack wrote:
hapticanimal wrote:getting squelchy
I'm pretty sure this refers to sticking a CB Radio up each others ass while shouting "THAT'S A BIG 10-4, GOOD BUDDY!"

No pics, please.

Bruce

by **bruce** » Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:18 pm

hapticA wrote:I've been brandishing a lot of things at RR but have yet to go for a knife. Most recently there was a rusty spork. Most often I've been brandishing my breasts.

Pics, please.

Bruce

by **Flack** » Sun Mar 04, 2012 3:26 pm

hapticanimal wrote:getting squelchy

I'm pretty sure this refers to sticking a CB Radio up each others ass while shouting "THAT'S A BIG 10-4, GOOD BUDDY!"

And now you know why he was called "The Bandit".

by **hapticanimal** » Sun Mar 04, 2012 2:33 pm

Flack wrote:Is the girl RR met online really posting here?

Yup, that is exactly what's happening. Hi! I decided that to truly drive RR mad I had to invade his life in every way imaginable. I mean, we've done the Facebook friending, seeing each other's abodes, getting squelchy (first person to correctly guess the reference wins a cookie!), and generally destroying each other's carefully constructed existences.

Flack wrote:Did someone get cut? Is someone going to get cut?

No and yes. I just haven't decided the when and where.

To summarize, the thread is really real. RR has achieved the holy grail of geekdom and met a girl online. You should congratulate him and start planning his memorial tribute.

by **Flack** » Sat Mar 03, 2012 11:41 pm

After coughing so hard that I began spitting up blood, my wife made me go to the doctor on Thursday. I am now taking seven or eight pills twice a day. Most of them are new prescriptions, although at least one of them is old stock from our cupboard, and I don't even know what the hell two of them are. (Sue says they're good for me, so I take them.)

That being said, I'm not sure if this thread is really real, or simply the result of this medicinal cocktail swimming around in my hot tub of a gut. Is the girl RR met online really posting here? Did someone get cut? Is someone going to get cut?

I'm going to go lay down now. If I find a knife under my pillow, I'm going to freak the freak out.

by **hapticanimal** » Sat Mar 03, 2012 11:37 pm

RetroRomper wrote:she deliberately left me guessing as to her intention with her definition of "relationship."

What kind of girl would I be if I didn't deliberately keep you guessing on a regular basis? Also, it's no fun if you're not continually baffled and befuddled.

RetroRomper wrote:Now I can safely guess

I have received a lecture, from RR, on no less than 6 different occasions, about the dangers of expectations. Now he's expecting me to be consistent enough for him to make guesses that, were they wrong, would result in his immediate dismissal from my delightful company? The fact that he is willing to take that risk makes me doubt our "relationship."

by **RetroRomper** » Sat Mar 03, 2012 11:08 pm

Just to keep everyone in the loop, she deliberately left me guessing as to her intention with her definition of "relationship." Now I can safely guess (sort of), that she was using implied sarcasm, which means she really is enjoying our time together!

Though I wasn't kidding about the combat knife...

by **hapticanimal** » Sat Mar 03, 2012 11:03 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:How was the first couple hours of getting to know him?

Non stop boredom punctuated by the occasional frantic desire to chew my own leg off in an attempt to escape the shackles he's got me in. Other than that, fantastic.[/quote]

by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Sat Mar 03, 2012 10:55 pm

hapticanimal wrote:Thank you kindly, Ice Cream Jonsey. As I type RR is prepping what I'm sure will prove to be a weak attempt at dishonoring me.

I understand. I'm going to clean up around here though, since we have a new person over. This means that I am going to put plastic over the furniture, get plates out for the pictures of cheeseburgers, and then ban Tdarcos, Casual Observer, my brother and the spambot. That should create the impression that Retro has a tidied room, a clean living area and a great deal of financial independence.

Retro also implies that the first date is still going on, so rather than ask "How was the first date?" I'll ask: How was the first couple hours of getting to know him?

My (heavily redacted) Adventures on OKCupid

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