by Flack » Mon May 14, 2012 5:09 pm
Dearly Beloved,
We have gathered here today in the presence of God, to join this man and this woman, who have already been living together in sin in hopes of discovering any problems which might cause this institution of God fail, like not lifting the toilet seat or replacing the toilet paper roll when it runs out.
Let us therefore reverently remember that God has established and sanctified marriage, for the welfare and happiness of mankind, except for cases in which one or both of you does not wash his or her hands after using the restroom. In the name of the Savior, he hopes that neither of you have been living under a facade.
Our Savior has declared that a man shall forsake his father and mother and cleave unto his wife on this holy day of disaster. By his apostles, he has instructed those who enter into this relation to cherish a mutual esteem and love, to bear with each other's infirmities and weaknesses; to comfort each other in sickness, trouble, and sorrow; to put their dirty clothes in the hamper; in honesty and industry to provide for each other and for their household in temporal things; to do the laundry from time to time; to pray for and encourage each other in the things which pertain to God; and to live together as heirs of the grace of life.
In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, expect things to go wrong.
Dearly Beloved,
We have gathered here today in the presence of God, to join this man and this woman, who have already been living together in sin in hopes of discovering any problems which might cause this institution of God fail, like not lifting the toilet seat or replacing the toilet paper roll when it runs out.
Let us therefore reverently remember that God has established and sanctified marriage, for the welfare and happiness of mankind, except for cases in which one or both of you does not wash his or her hands after using the restroom. In the name of the Savior, he hopes that neither of you have been living under a facade.
Our Savior has declared that a man shall forsake his father and mother and cleave unto his wife on this holy day of disaster. By his apostles, he has instructed those who enter into this relation to cherish a mutual esteem and love, to bear with each other's infirmities and weaknesses; to comfort each other in sickness, trouble, and sorrow; to put their dirty clothes in the hamper; in honesty and industry to provide for each other and for their household in temporal things; to do the laundry from time to time; to pray for and encourage each other in the things which pertain to God; and to live together as heirs of the grace of life.
In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, expect things to go wrong.