I know I'm forking off in a tdarconian direction, but I signed up for the Cracked Writer's Workshop in 2007 and still occasionally check their forums. They pay $100/article for the first five published articles, and $200/article after that. I'm pretty sure one of the first things they suggest to writers is "don't use your real name."

[quote="Debaser"]I'm guessing the title of this thread is news to no one.[/quote]

You mean that you can't type?

I'm guessing the title of this thread is news to no one. But [url=http://www.cracked.com/article_21628_5-things-i-learned-smuggling-drugs-into-jail-under-my-junk.html]here is the firsthand story of a guy who tied opiates to his cock in order to smuggle them into prison[/url]. At one point the knot he tied to his manhood begins to tighten and he almost risks penile gangrene before he can get it off.

So here we have some guy, confessing a felony to the world under what is presumably his real name in exchange for a soiled envlelope full of pizza coupons Pizza Hut coupons or whatever the going freelance rate is. And the response from the editors was "We think your story about federal prison, illicit narcotics smuggling, and potential genital mutilation is [i]interesting[/i], but we're worried no one will click on it unless you awkwardly cram the tale into an awful listicle format." What a fucking mess.[/i]