Flavored Vodka Reviews

[gsdgsd]

I went through a phase some years back -- before I had kids and "not blacking out" became more of a priority -- where vanilla vodka and orange soda was my Sunday football drink of choice. I remember it being wonderful.

I also drank much of a bottle of Swedish Fish vodka on the couch one carefree evening. Then, I threw up.

[Jizaboz]

Ha yeah I can't drink vodka. The first time I hit it hard as a minor I blacked out and woke up in a grotesque scene and later learned of bizarre and horrible things I said and did on New Years Eve. This was the pre-party. Never made it to the real party.

Now when I try to drink vodka it just instantly gives me a headache before I feel a buzz. Cheap stuff or expensive.. doesn't matter.

[Flack]

For those of you who don't like vodka, here's a review of...

CRUZAN BANANA RUM

I threw a party last year and a friend of mine brought this bottle of banana rum to the party and left it behind. What kind of friend brings banana rum to a party, AMIRITE?

I'm sipping on a glass right now. The smell reminds me less of bananas, and more like cheap suntan lotion. A sip tastes like... I don't know. It's like a hint of artificial banana flavor with a cheap rum aftertaste. It's no surprise this stuff costs about half what a bottle of Captain Morgan runs.

You'll need a big glass if you want to sail this banana boat to blackout land. At 20% alcohol (40 proof), Cruzan's Banana Rum has barely more alcohol than a paper cup full of pruno. I don't know that I'd serve it to a toddler, but by the time a kid can ride a bike without training wheels, they should be able to handle this.

If fruity drinks (or a glass full of suntan lotion) are your thing, check out Cruzan's Banana Rum. Otherwise, spend the extra few bucks for some better quality rum.

[ChainGangGuy]

I'm not, no. I don't know if I ever flat out said it here, but I put crap in drinks all the time. The more it tastes like Kool-Aid the better it is for me.

But I gotta know if ChainGangGuy has ever had a flavored vodka or if that godawful bottle of Mad Dog is the extent of it.

Yes. Absolut Mandrin. This would've been just after it debuted either in 1999, maybe 2000. Great lessons were learned that night.

As for the Mad Dog, it stayed roaming around the kitchen counter, occasionally being held towards the current foster dog Tripp, who would turn away in fear, as if from an evil omen. Sometime later, Amy's father happily absconded with it in a fit of mad laughter. I was sure to be open about the curious black mold growths underneath the cap. The laughter only intensified as he slipped out the door, bottle in hand.

I have no knowledge of its current whereabouts.

[Flack]

Smirnoff KISSED CARAMEL Vodka

Not anticipating an end to the furlough any time soon, and facing the reality that this weekend my wife and I were going to stand in a line at the fairgrounds food bank to pick up food, the first thing I did this morning was swing by the liquor store and pick up an old friend. Actually I've never had this flavor before, so it's a new friend. A new friendly flavor of an old friend. Whatever.

Like the other flavored vodkas I've tried, $15.99 gets you 750ml of 60 proof (30%) happy drank. Also like the others, the caramel taste mostly appears after you swallow. Going down, it just tastes like vodka. The residual flavor is sweeter than caramel candy, but recognizable. It doesn't burn like vodka used to. Either vodka is weaker these days, or it's time to set up a GoFundMe for a new liver. Or both.

Caramel vodka seems to serve two purposes in life -- to be mixed with something apple flavored, or to be mixed into a white Russian. Some of the recipes suggested by Smirnoff on their website include Kissed Caramel & Apple Cider, Caramel Apple Drop, Caramel Spiked Cider, Kidded Caramel Appletini, and Caramel Candy Apple. There's not a lot of "thinking outside the box" going on over there at Smirnoff. After two (edit: four) glasses, let me tell you what goes well with Kissed Caramel vodka: ice. Just pour it over some ice and drink it. How about them apples?

For everybody at Jolt Country who had a shitty week this week, or last week... bottom's up, pals.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Fuck and yeah

[The Happiness Engine]

60 proof flavored vodka IS weaker than 80 proof normal vodka. Your liver is OK.

[Flack]

Right but after the third glass I discovered it mixed okay with everclear.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

A good friend of mine indicated that he likes caramel vodka - is there any way to ship that stuff across state lines?

[Flack]

I know you can't do it with USPS, but I think you can do it with UPS and FedEx. I think. I'd have to double check that. If all else fails you could just wrap it up in a bunch of packing material, use a fake return address, and cross your fingers that it arrives.

[Casual Observer]

A good friend of mine indicated that he likes caramel vodka - is there any way to ship that stuff across state lines?

Think it depends on what state you're sending to. Where does your friend live?

[Flack]

A good friend of mine indicated that he likes caramel vodka - is there any way to ship that stuff across state lines?

I wanted to update this with some real-world intel. I did some above-and-beyond work for my boss over the past couple of weeks, and late last week a box arrived with, among other things, a bottle of Kahlua. He shipped it through UPS and had no issues.

[pinback]

Well, you can ship anything by UPS. Just, when they ask "are there any liquids?", say the following words: "No."

[Flack]

I asked my boss if he bought an alcohol stamp or anything and he said "what's that?" so there's some truth to your theory there.

[Flack]

This is coffee-flavored Agave, I guess. We paid $30 for it while on our cruise in Mexico. I thought 1903 was the brand name but now I think it's how much we overpaid. It's 16% alcohol so, 32 proof, which puts it on par with the flavored vodkas. I'll allow it.

Like the others, 16% alcohol does not warrant a mixer. Chilled and on ice, it tastes like an iced coffee with a tiny kick -- like a double espresso, maybe. The ironic part is, instead of waking you up, after a couple of glasses I was ready for a nap. It's a sweet sipper that went well with donuts and not so well with watermelon. The pink label lets you know who its for.

No peaty taste here, just good, chilled coffee. The bottle lasted two weekdays.

[Billy Mays]

Can you please do a review of Crown Royal neat?