Lightning-Fast Homemade Egg McMuffins

[pinback]

I can't believe how easy this is, how fast it is, or how much the finished product actually resembles and tastes like a real Egg McMuffin. You likely won't ever buy an Egg McMuffin again. Not that this is any better, but the total cost of the ingredients is about a quarter, and it'll be done quicker than getting through the drive-thru lane.

YOU WILL NEED:
-----------------
1 egg.
1 slice Canadian bacon.
1 slice American cheese.
1 English muffin.
1 microwave egg poacher or small bowl.
1 microwave oven.

YOU WILL DO THIS: (Time / Elapsed)
--------------------------------------
1. Crack egg into bowl or egg poacher. Puncture yolk. (0:15 / 0:15)

2. Microwave egg for one minute. (1:00 / 1:15)

3. Arrange sandwich thusly, from bottom to top: Bottom half of muffin, slice of cheese, egg, slice of Canadian bacon, top half of muffin. (0:20 / 1:35)

4. Microwave sandwich for thirty seconds. (0:30 / 2:05)

That's it. Two minutes and five seconds from start to finish, and it's virtually identical to the real thing.

[Guest]

that sounds nasty dude. Radar ranges are sick, although I can see why you'd be seeking an alternative to the "eggs" at mcdonalds.

Just get the $1 sausage mc muffin, fry an egg the old skool way, slap that bitch on there. It doesn't take long to fry an egg either and you're not using the microwave like a retard.

I use real butter even though it probably costs more than a quarter.

[AArdvark]

The only thing I would modify is the toasting instead of nuking the muffin. Sandwich just needs that crunch. It adds about two minutes to the process but If I set my alarm clock ahead in the morning it will even out.


THE
CARMELIZED
AARDVARK

Note: as an ex-employee of the golden arches, I can testify that the above recipe is exactly how they are made. Only back then they didn't have microwave ovens.

[Tdarcos]

that sounds nasty dude. Radar ranges are sick, although I can see why you'd be seeking an alternative to the "eggs" at mcdonalds.

Just get the $1 sausage mc muffin, fry an egg the old skool way, slap that bitch on there. It doesn't take long to fry an egg either and you're not using the microwave like a retard.

I use real butter even though it probably costs more than a quarter.

I'm not often visiting regular grocery stores otherwise I'd be buying butter instead of margarine, which is what dollar and near-dollar stores sell. I believe butter is better for your body than margarine, and the only good reason for buying margarine is you can't afford the real stuff, which is typically about twice as expensive. The previous two years I never used anything but butter. Lately it's often hard to get to a regular store like Giant or Safeway so I've been using margarine.

I stopped using margarine circa 1985 when I started working for a living and could afford it. I mean, I'm a disabled man who gets food stamps, and I'm able to afford butter. Actually, I watch my expenditures carefully, I usually end up being able to splurge on pizza delivery once a month or so.

When I was working full time I visited the Outback steak house every Sunday. Another story I need to tell.

I decided I didn't feel like going out to buy food today, so I web ordered Pizza Hut's chicken alfredo. It's like $8, with soda, an order of cheese breadsticks, tax and delivery it was about $15. I could only eat half (of the pasta) so I have half left for tomorrow. This is only about twice what I usually spend on food, so it's not too bad. I mean, when breakfast is 1 or possibly 2 cups of Quick oatmeal fom a tub that has like 10 cups for $2.50, that's really cheap eats and it's quite filling.

I typically buy: Spam, ham, clam chowder, beef stew, chunky soup, rib tv dinners, ramen, chili, and sometimes snacks like packages of tuna salad and crackers. I sometimes buy sweet snacks like cookies and nut rolls but I try not to have too much around because I'm sure they aggravate my diabetes. For breakfast I'll buy oatmeal, syrup, butter/margarine, pancake flour, pop tarts, graham crackers and milk depending on what stores I can get to. I don't buy for cost, I buy what I like to eat, and it just happens to be not expensive.


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[pinback]

that sounds nasty dude. Radar ranges are sick, although I can see why you'd be seeking an alternative to the "eggs" at mcdonalds.

Just get the $1 sausage mc muffin, fry an egg the old skool way, slap that bitch on there. It doesn't take long to fry an egg either and you're not using the microwave like a retard.

I use real butter even though it probably costs more than a quarter.

McD eggs are not fried, though, so you're making an entirely different sandwich. They are, for lack of a better word, "poached", and microwaving does a pretty excellent job of simulated said "poach".

[pinback]

BTW, just tried this with two slices of fried SPAM instead of back bacon, and it's so goddamn good I think I need someone to hold me.

HOLD ME, FLACK.

[Flack]

Riiiiight.

The only thing more disgusting than eating Spam that I can think of is hugging a Spam-eater. Your body can't digest Spam juice, you know. It just oozes back out through your sweat pores. One good squeeze and you'll be covered in a disgusting layer of sweaty Spam jelly. No thanks.

For what it's worth, Spam jelly juice can neither be created nor destroyed. The sweat from a Spam eater can be collected in a jar, cooked, and turned back into Spam.

Touch you? Not even with Tdarcos' non-functioning cock.

[pinback]

=(

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Touch you? Not even with Tdarcos' non-functioning cock.

More of a balancing act there, friends; one might balance a dude on cock.

[Tdarcos]

BTW, just tried this with two slices of fried SPAM instead of back bacon, and it's so goddamn good I think I need someone to hold me.

HOLD ME, FLACK.

Hold me now, touch me now, I don't wanna live without you.
- Glenn Medeiros, "Nothing's Gonna Change My Love for You"


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[Tdarcos]

Riiiiight.

The only thing more disgusting than eating Spam that I can think of is hugging a Spam-eater. Your body can't digest Spam juice, you know.

To quote you, "Riiiiight."

"Spam Juice" or "Spam Jelly" as you call it, has another name: gellatin. The main ingredient in Jello. Where do you think they get gellatin from? The bones and gristle of animals.

It just oozes back out through your sweat pores. One good squeeze and you'll be covered in a disgusting layer of sweaty Spam jelly. No thanks.

For what it's worth, Spam jelly juice can neither be created nor destroyed.

That's matter and energy.

The sweat from a Spam eater can be collected in a jar, cooked, and turned back into Spam.

Not without extra meat, it ain't.

Touch you? Not even with Tdarcos' non-functioning cock.

I resemble that remark. I don't know how you found that out, but I'm going to shoot the person who told you once I find out who it..

Hold on a minute, I know who did.
(Loud Gunshot heard in my room.)


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[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Straw man.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

that sounds nasty dude. Radar ranges are sick, although I can see why you'd be seeking an alternative to the "eggs" at mcdonalds.

Just get the $1 sausage mc muffin, fry an egg the old skool way, slap that bitch on there. It doesn't take long to fry an egg either and you're not using the microwave like a retard.

I use real butter even though it probably costs more than a quarter.

I don't know who this asshole was, but I want to note that this piece of shit said Pinback's recipe was "nasty" and then suggested:

1. Driving to McDonalds
2. Buying a Sausage McMuffin
3. Driving home
3. Frying an egg
4. Assembling it

That's the person from 2011 throwing the "retard" line around. Man we had some dumb shits stumble through this site. All of this is without EVEN getting into how the person called microwaves "radar ranges" which might be the single dumbest conspiracy theory / paranoid bit I've ever seen in my life.

[pinback]

I miss our guests. :(

[pinback]

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This tagline did not age well.

[Jizaboz]

Egg Mcmuffins with "Canada bacon" is the one of the only items I still enjoy from McDonalds on occasion. That, a small black coffee and a big ass ice water is an awesome quick surfer's breakfast!

[pinback]

During our Florida vacation, we had a few mornings where we couldn't be arsed to have a decent breakfast, so we hit the McD drive-thru. On each and every occasion, we all got Eggymuffins. It is still the greatest thing that restaurant makes, and this is still one of the greatest recipes on this site, despite the reservations expressed by "Guest".

God, do I love Eggymuffins.

[Tdarcos]

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This tagline did not age well.

Neither have you.

[Tdarcos]

Egg Mcmuffins with "Canada bacon" is the one of the only items I still enjoy from McDonalds on occasion.

On each and every occasion, we all got Eggymuffins. It is still the greatest thing that restaurant makes,

Apparently, neither one of you has eaten a steak, egg, and cheese bagel. I'd have two along with chocolate milk. Pure ambrosia.

THE
YOU'RE THE ONLY MUFFIN
I'VE BEEN DREAMING OF
TDARCOS

[pinback]

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This tagline did not age well.

Neither have you.