SMOKERS

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

I was gonna get a smoker, then I ate smoked food for two straight days and 4 days out of 7 and I feel like my foot is going to fall off.

How many of you have considered this? Have you considered the right wood??????????????????

[AArdvark]

Friends of ours gave me a small contraption that you fill with wood chips, set fire to it and place it in your existing grill to -simulate- smoking meat while you cook like normal.

The two times I've used it made everything taste more smokey, like I was grilling in a house fire. I put it out near the grill when they come over, as if I'm using it regularly.

My other friend gets a little over the top with his smoker. He has an app on his phone that alerts him if the temperature drops too low or there's not enough ph or humidity or whatever, he's always running out to the patio to make adjustments and stuff. Food's usually pretty good tho.

I wouldn't do all that work just for better tasting food

[RealNC]

Uh, I just buy smoked food. Especially smoked cheese. Why go to all the trouble of smoking it yourself if you can just get it smoked.

[Tdarcos]

I tried smoking a sausage. First it was hard to light, second the draw was really tough, I felt like I'd need a second pair of lungs to take a drag, and third, there wasn't much flavor.

Like the old song, "Winston tastes bad, like the one I just had. No filter, no flavor, they taste like toilet paper."

[Flack]

I was gonna get a smoker, then I ate smoked food for two straight days and 4 days out of 7 and I feel like my foot is going to fall off.

How many of you have considered this? Have you considered the right wood??????????????????

My mother-in-law owned her own BBQ business for a few years. She had two smokers, the larger of which sat on the back of a 16" trailer and could smoke 24 (or was it 48?) slabs of ribs at a time. Her boyfriend at the time was in charge of smoking all the meat and you wouldn't think someone could talk for hours on end about the different types of wood you can put in a smoker but somehow he managed. He wanted us to refer to him as the Grill Master which is funny because behind his back we all called him Monkey Toes because he told us one time he saw a wrench laying in the street and when he drove by he slowed down, slipped off his shoe, opened his door and picked up the wrench with his toes.

The meat always tasted good, but then again I was making less than minimum wage in a BBQ joint doing "other duties as assigned" which included picking dead termites out of buckets of beans and standing outside a pig mascot suit holding a sign that said "KISS THE PIG," so the universe owned me some free fucking food and tastes better when it's free, especially when you're broke.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Uh, I just buy smoked food. Especially smoked cheese. Why go to all the trouble of smoking it yourself if you can just get it smoked.

I dunno. I think it would be fun. There is a BBQ place one exit over from us. A half chicken is $20. That's two meals, sure, but they make you get a side and I can't stop myself from getting macaroni and cheese, which is bad for me. And then as a gentleman, I get my wife supper as well. I think it came out to $60 or so the other day. It's not really a "prices are going up, so I am going to cook my own food" as much as it would be something fun to try out.

I am sure this is a cliche among men my age and my brother is hearing the bits of this thread travel through his brain and will make fun of me when he wakes up. But I dunno. It's fun to do stuff.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

My other friend gets a little over the top with his smoker. He has an app on his phone that alerts him if the temperature drops too low or there's not enough ph or humidity or whatever, he's always running out to the patio to make adjustments and stuff. Food's usually pretty good tho.

One thing to remember is that you live in what I consider to be food paradise. You are rich in options, and I am glad that you don't feel the need to partake.

It's not that the food out here is bad, it isn't, I just miss back home.

I heard a story last weekend about a Bluetooth-enabled smoker. The Bluetooth connection dropped or died or went inactive, and the smoker just happily kept the same temperature, during the meat inside into a disgusting pink slurry. Gross! But in a way I was glad at the incompetence of computer programmers, of fucken course the idiots that designer this particular smoker are going to leave it in a state where it fails in that manner, I wouldn't expect anything else from my industry.

or there's not enough ph

ph? PH?? Pho? Are you trying to say pho? It looks like you started to say a word and then stopped.

Are you ok??

[Jizaboz]

I tried smoking a sausage. First it was hard to light, second the draw was really tough, I felt like I'd need a second pair of lungs to take a drag, and third, there wasn't much flavor.

Like the old song, "Winston tastes bad, like the one I just had. No filter, no flavor, they taste like toilet paper."

You are still just as wrong as you were in the 2014 Caltrops post. lol Winstons were one of my favorite cigarettes back when I smoked. And they indeed had a filter. However, ROFL at yr sausage smokin joke.

ICJ you just reminded me I probably need to throw away the rusty smoker on my porch at the beach trailer. If I get another it will probably be the same type: made for outdoors and kind of resembles an R2 droid. Electric with a thermostat.. no computer. Not real expensive and makes excellent smoked turkey breast.

[Flack]

Uh, I just buy smoked food. Especially smoked cheese. Why go to all the trouble of smoking it yourself if you can just get it smoked.

I don't know how close you are to middle age, but most men hit an age where doing things like brewing their own beer (which can be bought at any convenient store), building furniture (which is always cheaper to buy than make) and grilling/smoking meat (which is why restaurants exist). Sometimes you gotta change your own oil a couple of times before you can appreciate the guys at Quick Change.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

ICJ you just reminded me I probably need to throw away the rusty smoker on my porch at the beach trailer.

Please put a giant fin on top of it and throw it in the ocean.

[AArdvark]

Re: ph throwaway line

I just put that in the sentence because his phone would alert him almost every five minutes that something needed adjustment in the smoking process and he would have to go out to the patio and do things to make the smoker happy

[pinback]

I received one of these for Christmas, and it works way, way better than I thought it would, with the only drawback being that it makes the house smell like a BBQ restaurant, which is not a drawback: https://www.hammacher.com/product/count ... tal-smoker

No bigger or harder to use than a crockpot, Flack's argument -- "Why bother doing it at home, when there are restaurants" -- is rendered moot. MOOT, I say!!

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Re: ph throwaway line

I just put that in the sentence because his phone would alert him almost every five minutes that something needed adjustment in the smoking process and he would have to go out to the patio and do things to make the smoker happy

I would like to please the smoker.

[Tdarcos]

Like the old song, "Winston tastes bad, like the one I just had. No filter, no flavor, they taste like toilet paper."

Winstons were one of my favorite cigarettes back when I smoked. And they indeed had a filter.

I know that; it's just a "nursery rhyme"

ICJ you just reminded me I probably need to throw away the rusty smoker on my porch at the beach trailer.

That's a rude way to announce you're breaking up with your wife! "Rusty smoker" indeed!

If I get another it will probably be the same type: made for outdoors and kind of resembles an R2 droid.

So you prefer short, fat broads, eh?

Not real expensive and makes excellent smoked turkey breast.

I don't think a woman getting lung cancer should be treated so cavalierly.

[Tdarcos]

ICJ you just reminded me I probably need to throw away the rusty smoker on my porch at the beach trailer.

Please put a giant fin on top of it and throw it in the ocean.

Jonsey, be more polite and don't encourage him to break up with his wife like that.

[Tdarcos]

I just put that in the sentence because his phone would alert him almost every five minutes that something needed adjustment in the smoking process and he would have to go out to the patio and do things to make the smoker happy

If he has to do that much to make her happy, I'm surprised he can get anything done.

[Flack]

No bigger or harder to use than a crockpot, Flack's argument -- "Why bother doing it at home, when there are restaurants" -- is rendered moot. MOOT, I say!!

I wasn't arguing against it, I was justifying it. For most men, part of the midlife crisis experience is becoming interested in making/creating/doing things that are available elsewhere, typically for less money and less effort. One of my buddies paid $1,000+ for a wood lathe last year, which he mostly uses to make wooden ink pens. Ink pens are 10/$1 at Dollar Tree. My other buddy spends an hour a day dealing with chickens which I promise you, no matter what the current price of a dozen eggs is, is not worth the effort.

My cousin-in-law lives for smoking meat. He has two smokers that are somehow different, although the difference (other than size) was lost on me. He's the type of guy who chews on a piece of wood before throwing it on the fire to to validate its worthiness and spends hours tweaking the recipe to his "rub," insisting that different brands of salt can make or break a batch of BBQ. The guy loves doing it and I don't judge him, but there's no way any of that is easier than me using an app on my phone for 30 seconds and having dinner for 4 delivered to my house. Sometimes the joy is in the journey and not the destination, even if the destination is Kookyville.

[pinback]

Used it tonight on some chicken bresses. 30 minutes, 'combo-smoke', which means it cold smokes for 15 minutes and hot smokes for 15 minutes. That's not enough to cook all the way through, so I finished 'em in the oven with some BBQ sauce on 'em.

TOO SMOKY. Motherfucker works too good. Or hickory is just too harsh a smoke. Or Mina put too many wood chips in the little cup. That was probably it.

Nice job, Mina.

Anyway, there is no reason to get anything other than a countertop smoker if you want to try it out. I am enjoying it immensely, and because I don't plan on winning any BBQ competitions or opening a restaurant, this will smoke everything I will ever want to smoke with whatever smoke I want to smoke it with, to the smokiest amount I want to smoke it.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Ok. I'm sold. I'll get one of those.