MS Task Scheduler vs My Social Life

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Wed Aug 27, 2003 9:19 pm

Fucking assholes. When I installed Norton Anti-Virus it created a Microsoft Task Schedule entry to scan my PC for viruses at a given time each week.

What did it pick? Oh, 8:00pm every Friday.

I've been on the computer at that time since I've done it. DOUCHE BAGS. Ho ho ho! they say. "You shouldn't be on your computer on a Friday night! You should be out GETTING LAID." This is what the help file says. I am not shitting you here. Peter Norton is telling me to go fuck some "lightskirt doxy," to pick a phrase and go get a real virus while he sits at home and guards my PC against electronic ones.

Fuck you, Norton!

I ended up changing the schedule so that it would do it at 8:00am on Monday, when Peter Norton is likely at work ripping the three or four silver strands of hair he has left out of his head because some crosseyed Croat has launched another e-mail worm into the wild whereas I am safely and snugly asleep because I don't go into work until 10:00am on Monday. I feel this best communicates what I want to communicate, which is a large, extended middle finger to him and his presumptions. I don't know. Maybe he and his round table of virus-extracting bitches are all watching Farscape or something on a Friday night. Who can tell, who can tell.

Lysander · Post by **Lysander** » Thu Aug 28, 2003 7:48 am

I had a thought (TM).

Y'know this MS Blast virus that's been the terror of the computer world lately?

Well, aside from crashing your computer, it also launches DOS attacks on microsoft.com. I've heard from a tech show that its damn easy to get and, if you know the code, damn easy to modify to get past the current security and whatnot.

So, my Evil Plan (TM): Get ahold of a copy of MS Blast, then modify the code so that (1) it doesn't crash computers, and (2) aims its DOS attacks at the Gatre/GAIN corporation.

Think of it. They wouldn't think to try and get rid of it, because no one would know it was there, because their computers are just fine. Then, at some time or other, several hundred thousand computers DOS the Gatre corporation all at once.

Pardon me, this thought has caused me to orgasm. I will be back momentarilly.

danzaland · Post by **danzaland** » Thu Aug 28, 2003 12:04 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:"You shouldn't be on your computer on a Friday night! You should be out GETTING LAID." This is what the help file says. I am not shitting you here.

I want a screen cap or the help file.

Worm · Post by **Worm** » Thu Aug 28, 2003 12:21 pm

Lysander, the MSBLAST virus isn't that bad. It's simple to get rid of.

Vitriola · Post by **Vitriola** » Thu Aug 28, 2003 2:51 pm

I want a screen cap or the help file.

I want to see clippy in a blonde wig, miniskirt and stiletto heels taking it from that androgynous AIM gingerbread man-type thing, but it ain't gonna happen.

Oh, wait, on the internet, anything's possible. Even Robb getting a date for a Friday night.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Thu Aug 28, 2003 3:45 pm

Vitriola wrote:Oh, wait, on the internet, anything's possible. Even Robb getting a date for a Friday night.

One great thing about the Internet is that it is rudimentary for me to hit Control-C and Control-V on comments like these and keep them in sort of a file or database. The other great thing about the Internet is just how easy it is to obtain a roll of duct tape, whip and a ball gag.

Worm · Post by **Worm** » Thu Aug 28, 2003 4:07 pm

Yeah, because she seems like the kind of girl who really wouldn't enjoy that.

Lysander · Post by **Lysander** » Thu Aug 28, 2003 4:39 pm

Worm wrote:Lysander, the MSBLAST virus isn't that bad. It's simple to get rid of.

I know its easy to get rid of. But you could change so that the current security doesn't work, and then use it. No one would think to come up with patches for it, because no one would know that it was a problem, because it wasn't causing problems. Even *after* Gater were to get DOSed, the users who had the virus wouldn't know it unless a virus scanner which knew how to identify it told them, because *they* weren't having any problems.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Thu Aug 28, 2003 4:50 pm

"Gator," m'man.

lazy Lysander · Post by **lazy Lysander** » Thu Aug 28, 2003 7:03 pm

...I knew that.
*dumps a bucket of water on his head* That'll fuckin' teach me to post under the influence of... shit, what *did* I take? Not Niquil, the other cold/cough medicine that doesn't go at all with Coke...

Worm · Post by **Worm** » Thu Aug 28, 2003 7:15 pm

Lysander wrote:
Worm wrote:Lysander, the MSBLAST virus isn't that bad. It's simple to get rid of.
I know its easy to get rid of. But you could change so that the current security doesn't work, and then use it. No one would think to come up with patches for it, because no one would know that it was a problem, because it wasn't causing problems. Even *after* Gater were to get DOSed, the users who had the virus wouldn't know it unless a virus scanner which knew how to identify it told them, because *they* weren't having any problems.

Anyone who knows salt about their computer would see it when they used CTRL ALT DEL and they would mail symantec and we all know what happens after that. You'd have to utilize the certain registry keys that hid the process from the task manager and I don't know how to do that in XP I don't even know if you can. Furthermore if you could so easily modify the code for MSBLAST why not just write your own DOS attack virus or better yet launch your own DOS attack. Beyond that the security breach in windows that allowed MSBLAST to infect as been pretty much(?) installed everywhere.

Jack Straw · Post by **Jack Straw** » Thu Aug 28, 2003 8:39 pm

lazy Lysander wrote:...I knew that.
*dumps a bucket of water on his head* That'll fuckin' teach me to post under the influence of... shit, what *did* I take? Not Niquil, the other cold/cough medicine that doesn't go at all with Coke...

"Nyquil, m'man."

Weekly Obscure Reference · Fri Aug 29, 2003 7:29 pm

Lysander wrote:I had a thought (TM).

Y'know this MS Blast virus that's been the terror of the computer world lately?

Well, aside from crashing your computer, it also launches DOS attacks on microsoft.com. I've heard from a tech show that its damn easy to get and, if you know the code, damn easy to modify to get past the current security and whatnot.

So, my Evil Plan (TM): Get ahold of a copy of MS Blast, then modify the code so that (1) it doesn't crash computers, and (2) aims its DOS attacks at the Gatre/GAIN corporation.

Think of it. They wouldn't think to try and get rid of it, because no one would know it was there, because their computers are just fine. Then, at some time or other, several hundred thousand computers DOS the Gatre corporation all at once.

Pardon me, this thought has caused me to orgasm. I will be back momentarilly.

Why don't you go back to alt.2600?

Lysander · Post by **Lysander** » Sat Aug 30, 2003 1:43 pm

What makes you think--BANNED!

MS Task Scheduler vs My Social Life

MS Task Scheduler vs My Social Life

Re: MS Task Scheduler vs My Social Life