Which of you bitches and assracks are harshing on God?

Christian Forum Monitor · Tue Sep 09, 2003 2:20 am

Hi! CFM here.

Which of you little bitches are extending your middle fingers towards God again? Just like to know why. The little shit who runs this place has been away for a little while so I thought I'd help mix things up.

Next week is Israel versus Palestine, so get your research ready. A winner in both this thread AND that one WILL be declared.

Anyway, here we go. Here's my opening gambit.

"God exists because you are a fucking moron if you don't think so."

5 points, me. Let's go.

forum nobody · Post by **forum nobody** » Tue Sep 09, 2003 2:20 am

i don't understand. do we declare our own scores?

Christian Forum Monitor · Tue Sep 09, 2003 2:21 am

Yes. We do declare our own scores. Why don't you declare -100,000,000 for your own score and shut the fuck up for the duration of this thread, idiot?

(0 points for me, off-topic and not entertaining.)

Worm · Post by **Worm** » Tue Sep 09, 2003 4:52 am

Well, my holy book is the old NES cart Nemo in Dreamland. Not only does Nemo exist and save all our souls ... there was a movie that proves it.
n = anyone else's points

My points: n+1

Vitriola · Post by **Vitriola** » Tue Sep 09, 2003 8:03 am

With the current Deity, social, economical, and political policies are in direct cohesion with that which has been facilitated.

Score?

+8
-4 because the Eagles lost
+3 for going to the Mo' Money Pawn Shop and almost picking up a copy of Gothic Whore

That brings the total to....7

Slim Shady · Post by **Slim Shady** » Tue Sep 09, 2003 4:10 pm

And Almighty God said...

Nothing you idiots, God is dead! He's locked in my basement!

Precision Comedy Machine · Tue Sep 09, 2003 4:11 pm

Worm wrote:Well, my holy book is the old NES cart Nemo in Dreamland. Not only does Nemo exist and save all our souls ... there was a movie that proves it.

So, would you say you've Found Nemo, then?

Nietzsche · Post by **Nietzsche** » Wed Sep 10, 2003 6:31 am

God is dead.

God · Post by **God** » Wed Sep 10, 2003 6:31 am

Nietzsche is dead.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Wed Sep 10, 2003 10:16 am

He's got you there, Nietzsche.

Roody_Yogurt · Post by **Roody_Yogurt** » Wed Sep 10, 2003 12:16 pm

That joke, however still unoriginal, was better in Lurking Horror.

Worm · Post by **Worm** » Wed Sep 10, 2003 4:04 pm

I would expect God to be so prompt though. So it gets points for accurately portraying how God would post.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Wed Sep 10, 2003 11:36 pm

BenMustard: How can you possibly believe in a benevolent supreme being?
IceCreamJonsey: How can you not, you fucking fruitcake?
IceCreamJonsey: +3
IceCreamJonsey: We score our own arguments, LETS GO
BenMustard: You can only eat one dish the rest of your life. What is it?
IceCreamJonsey: Key lime pie
IceCreamJonsey: +1
BenMustard: Really?

IceCreamJonsey: After our flag football game on Monday, we went for beers. I got diet coke.
IceCreamJonsey: Anyway, I hadn't eaten all day. The entire menu was in front of me.
BenMustard: No. -8
IceCreamJonsey: What did I pick? Not the chicken, not the pizza, not the burger... but the key lime pie

IceCreamJonsey: It's a good thing I had a twisted knee and sprained ankle or I would have gotten shit for it

IceCreamJonsey: Anyway, it's the same thing with God
BenMustard: Did you get a little candle or umbrella with that?
IceCreamJonsey: When I find myself in complete despair and have all the options in the world to me on what to do or who to blame or how to react...
BenMustard: Yeah? What, you KNOW you're making the wrong decision, but you're just going to do it anyway? (+11)
IceCreamJonsey: I choose to believe in a benevolent God.
IceCreamJonsey: +32 for the previous sentences
IceCreamJonsey: I took your dish thing and turned it into my argument
IceCreamJonsey: +54

BenMustard: You took a valid question and twisted it straight out of the world of logic and reason and squarely into WrongWorld, in the galaxy AndWrongmeda. -1028

IceCreamJonsey: Why don't I now just take your cock and fuck your ideas of there being no creator with it?
IceCreamJonsey: +27

BenMustard: U SUCK AT ROBOTRON -2084
IceCreamJonsey: U SUCK AT PC JR RAM -4096
IceCreamJonsey: I think we're finished here.
IceCreamJonsey: I mean, I think you are.

BenMustard: Goodtimes, though.
IceCreamJonsey: Yeah.
IceCreamJonsey: I liked the Andwrongmeda bit.
BenMustard: I like the Robotron bit.
IceCreamJonsey: Yeah, but both of those bits were yours.

Roody_Yogurt · Post by **Roody_Yogurt** » Wed Sep 10, 2003 11:53 pm

Hehe, good stuff.

loafergirl · Post by **loafergirl** » Thu Sep 11, 2003 10:11 pm

Well the babelfish proves god's existence, and since god can only exist by faith and the babel fish is a dead give away "Oops" says god, and dissapears in a puff of logic.
(A horribly paraphrased excerpt from THGTTG)

Does anyone know when the last Hitchiker's Guide book is coming out?

-LG

AArdvark · Post by **AArdvark** » Fri Sep 12, 2003 3:15 am

Doug Adams died last year. 'Mostly Harmless' is to be the last, sadly

THE
BLACK TOWEL
AARDVARK

loafergirl · Post by **loafergirl** » Fri Sep 12, 2003 8:21 am

Incorrect he died last year while working on another, and his publishers said they were going to clean it up and publish it. Since, I have been waiting patiently....

-LG

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Fri Sep 12, 2003 8:26 am

"Salmon of Doubt" contains an unfinished Dirk Gently story... and a bunch of other stuff of his. That was released well over a year ago.

Hadn't heard that there was a HHGG novel in progress when he passed away. This is good! This is news! This is... well, yeah, good news.

loafergirl · Post by **loafergirl** » Fri Sep 12, 2003 8:53 am

If I am wrong I will personally take it upon myself to write another fucking novel because he cannot leave it with Mostly Harmless, I will dig him back up reserect him and kill him again if that is the case.

-LG

Jack Straw · Post by **Jack Straw** » Fri Sep 12, 2003 10:22 am

<sniff>

We miss ya, Loafie.