Great Moments in Computer Programming

[AArdvark]

What make of laptop is it so I'll know to avoid getting one?

Closing lid = enabling display....whaaa?

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

I enjoy Flack's line, "I used to be good at computers." I get it.

I needed more storage space so I bought an 8TB drive off Amazon. They said it would be delivered "overnight." They've never done that. There's always some problem. Three days later I just asked for a refund.

I bought another one from of those resellers on A
Amazon. This one literally beeped on boot. Refunding this one too.

At first I thought it was me until I heard the plates get stuck and the beeps. I think we are still good with computers. It's everyone else that got lazy and corrupt.

[Jizaboz]

I enjoy Flack's line, "I used to be good at computers." I get it.

You guys are seriously starting to make me worry about being over 50 in a few years.

[Tdarcos]

Those games that advertise on YouTube are offering their program in a version for the PC. Not a browser game, but an actual download. So I download their installer and it proceeds to do its business.

The game starts with a pop-up box which reads "Please confirm you have read and agree with our Terms and Conditions and Privacy Policy before you start the game" and an Agree button at the bottom. The words I have marked in blue are white on a dark background. The items I show in underlined orange are links to open a browser window displaying their Privacy Policy and Terms and Conditions, of course, and that's the exact way it does it

The link to "Terms and Conditions" opens the page to their Privacy Policy, and the link to "Privacy Policy" opens the page to their Terms and conditions.

[Flack]

While trying to upgrade an old Windows server, the upgrade failed because "you have WinZip 6.3-80 installed."

I checked Add/Remove Programs and the Registry. I 100% do not have WinZip installed.

After an hour of troubleshooting and searching I discovered that on an attached drive that stores old backups, I had a copy of WinZip32.exe. Not installed, not being used... just sitting there about five folders deep in a directory path that begins with r:\home\backup\BBS\...

Just wanted to throw that out there. That Windows server won't upgrade if you have a copy of WinZip32.exe sitting in attached NAS storage in a random backup folder.

Oh, and Microsoft doesn't tell you the name of the file or the location. I got the name of the file from a hidden log file left behind by the installation and then had to go find the file for myself.

A+, Microsoft. A+.

[Flack]

Oh, let me add one more.

While trying to upgrade the server, I received the following message on two different locations:

"We can't tell if your PC is ready to continue installing Windows Server."

I didn't make that up. Somewhere, a programmer thought that would be helpful information.

The first time I got that error was because I didn't have enough drive space. The error could have said, "you don't have enough drive space." Instead, it said... that.

The second time I got it was because there was no direct upgrade path between the old version of Windows Server I'm running and a modern version. Could have said that, too.

[AArdvark]

Scene: A cubicle office in a large technical building in some city, we'll call it Dilberton.

Engineer 1: Hey Eddie, whatcha doing?

Engineer 2: (rapidly types code into a PC) just putting the finishing touches on the latest update.

E1: All across the whole product line?

E2: Yep. Soon as this hits, we'll be able to take full advantage of the new Nvalid chipset

E1: You mean the GeezorGak 'Gnarly Gnome'?

E2: The one and only (presses enter button) Done and done.

E1: But that's not out of Beta yet, They don't even have advance orders.

E2: And when it does hit the market we'll be ready.

E1: That's a whole new architecture. What about all the current customers with existing hardware? Everything will stop working.

E2: They'll have to upgrade.

E1: You didn't include any legacy options?

E2: Legacy, what's that?

E1 You used to work for Microsoft, didn't you

E2 (blushes slightly) Guilty

E1 So you expect all our customers to just go out and buy all new hardware to support your update?

E2: It's a consumer culture. the people love buying all new hardware.

E1: You used to work for Apple as well, didn't you

E2: How did you know? Have you been reading my resume?

E1: Just a lucky guess.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Yeah. I am not going to buy different hardware to run an OS I don't want. They'll walk the bad stuff back with Windows 12. Or they won't and whatever.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

I don't have a printer. I need to sign a document swearing that my brother and wife are really married.

FOUR sites I tried to get it to mail me a fucking pdf.

Staples: said I'd get a single document in the mail by July 18th. The closest one to me to pick it up is 35 minutes away.

click2mail: trying to set it up I got an asynchronous JavaScript error.

LetterStream: Four CAPTCHAs to sign up. It then fucking wanted the address of where I was going to send it ON the document itself. And then its UI wanted me to draw a box around it. Instead of, you fucking know, typing it into a text box on where I wanted to send it. What alien came up with this? I did "draw a box" and it told me the box I drew was in the wrong spot. I don't know man, this is your garbage fucking UI.

mailform.io worked but I almost quit when it couldn't handle me putting in a simple address, but wanted some kind of csv file with all the addresses I wanted to use. It assumed a mailing list to start.

We'll see if and when I get it from mailform. I'm not holding my breath.

I apparently need to buy a printer.


EDIT! Didn't see this - mailform said I'd get it on "Estimated Delivery: July 14, 2025." Jesus fucking Christ.

Someone set up a company that lets you print documents and send them to people. You'll be a trillionaire in four weeks.

[AArdvark]

This sounds like a lack of smoke testing!

I just learned that

[Flack]

I don't have a printer. I need to sign a document swearing that my brother and wife are really married.

FOUR sites I tried to get it to mail me a fucking pdf.

I just went through this myself. Someone emailed me a PDF contract that I needed to sign. I discovered my old version of Acrobat no longer worked so like you I hit Google and tried every site that said it would allow me to edit a PDF for free. They actually do let you edit them for free but then they won't let you save it, export it, or print it for free, because they are complete cocksuckers.

I DO have a printer but in 2025 I thought I could figure out a way to electronically sign a document. I could not. I ended up printing it out, signing it with an ink pen, rescanning it, and emailing that back to them. I might as well clubbed a dinosaur over the head after that.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

It is honestly sickening to see capitalism take over in this unregulated way.

We don't want printers because we aren't printing much, but also the printer companies have more or less decided to be scum of the earth and try pushing subscription shit at us. There's the "it won't print because it's out of yellow" thing. There is the "inkjet drying up" thing. There is the "it won't connect via WiFi or a Network Cable or parallel port" thing. We've all seen Office Space. Nothing has changed in 25 years. So we don't want them around. I think there is ONE model of a printer by Brother that is just a regular black and white laser printer, but it's $150. I'd get one, except the economy is in a shambles right now.

In slightly different news, let me talk about what a goddamn nightmare it was to sign up to Zelle, to pay one of our contractors. I am at 5 2FA SMS codes, two phone calls and two failed payment attempts. And counting!!

[Casual Observer]

ICJ, do you not have any FedEx/Kinkos locations nearby? Log in, upload, pick it up in minutes.

[Da King]

I gotta be honest... I like the subscription thing.

I pay HP $1.79 per month. Under $43 per year. I get to print 15 pages per month (which is plenty, other than when I do my taxes). Whatever I dont use every month, I can carryover to the following month, up to 45 pages total.

When any of my cartridges get low, a new one magically shows up in the mail. I replace it, put the old one in a prepaid envelope, and drop it in the mail.

Now, I dont know if I'm ahead of the game or not. But I DO know that I've never gone to print something, realized that I had a empty(ish) cartridge, and had to make a late night run to Best Buy to overpay for an ink cartridge.

[AArdvark]

I bought that $150. Brother laser printer a few years ago and haven't had any issues at all. Well worth the price

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Yeah, gonna throw that down as a Christmas request I guess.

[RealNC]

I used to do the print/sign/scan thing 10 years ago. It's annoying. I went to a print store to digitize my signature. They sent me a PNG that I can simply copy and paste.

[Flack]

My laptop will not switch to a resolution lower than 2560 x 1440. To make anything remotely readable I had to change the zoom lever in Windows to 150%, which breaks multiple applications. It literally changes the pointer in Photoshop to digital garbage and the point where it things the cursor is doesn't line up. I was able to hook up a second monitor which goes down to 1080p, but the zoom level applies to both monitors so everything on the external one is too big and everything on the laptop is too small.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

You used to be able to search Steam by release date and look at the oldest games released by going to the last page. In other words - you search by the CRPG tag, then sort by release date.... go to page 200 or whatever and see what got released first.

Can't do it any more because some genius designer over there heard about Infinite Scroll and made them implement it. Great work. Eliminate function for no benefit. Designers chasing what some dipshit dev created ruins applications.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

The website that I have to use to sign Wyatt up for tee ball does the thing where it pretends to send you a password reset email if you put an email address in the form, even if you aren't registered.

They also implemented 2FA and demand it be used, it isn't optional.

This is a website for signing up kids that communicate with crayons to smack a ball around on a tee.