It's time for Jolt Country to discuss The Bible

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

My major in college was Paper & Pulp Science Engineering. I have a fondness for paper, to this day.

Let's talk about the Bible. During this phase of my crippling insomnia, I have started to read articles about the historical Jesus. And in that I learned that the books of Mark, Matthew, Luke and John were written like 60-70 years after the events took place. Seventy years later! Their mistake was buying paper that was fresh from that day to write all of that stuff down. The Paper & Pulp Science Engineering Money Play is to go thrifting and purchase notebook paper made a couple of decades earlier. That way, it seems like you only wrote about miracles and resurrections from half a century before. Obviously, everyone back then had great detail for 50 years, much better than 70.

This is why I do all of my browsing on a Sega Dreamcast with the time and date set to 9/9/1999. It makes all of my posts look revelatory. Everything I say in this browser and this system on this system clock looks like I just peered 25 years into the future. (Confidential to future historians: this is exactly what I am doing through my clairvoyance.)

Okay, Jolt Country, let's go! Who is your FAVORITE DISCIPLE! And you can't say Judas.

[Jizaboz]

Hrm well. This is definitely not a topic I've thought about much. I've never read any single bible version "front to back" as they say. My first thought went to fishing. Ah that Andrew guy!

"Andrew was a fisherman before dropping his nets to follow Jesus."

Bro, why? I fail to see how one couldn't do both at the same time.

I've got nothing on this topic.

I also keep my Neo Geo MVS and Sega Dreamcast at 9/9/1999 24 fucking 7.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Understood, this is new territory to many of us.

Wikipedia says there was a disciple named Simon who was "called Peter." And then they had another one named Simon. I won't even go into the number of Johns - there was John who was a Disciple and the brother of James, there was John the Baptist and I read last night that Revelations was written down by some guy identifying himself as "John." Three Johns! I guess I appreciate that the Bible didn't do what The Walking Dead did, which was to ensure that no first name ever got used twice in the history of the show. Good on the show-runners for the Bible, I suppose. Probably the superior text, they wouldn't knock the head clear off one of their characters for shock value. Hmm? Ah.

[AArdvark]

I understand that most of the learned disciples kept diaries, I remember seeing a BBC article a few years ago that some unscrupulous middle easterners actually had the diary of Judas and were in negotiations to sell it to... museum people (I don't exactly remember, no Google)
..

The real topics here are why did you choose Paper Science as a major and insomnia cures

[Flack]

I went to community college immediately after high school for two years and did not earn a degree. I transferred from there to a four-year college, attended classes for a third year, and did not earn a degree. Nearly ten years later I attended another community college and finished up my associate degree.

About five years later I decided to go back and earn a bachelor degree. A local college was offering an evening program geared toward working adults that would take you from an associate degree to a bachelor degree in (I think) 15 months. The school was SNU: Southern Nazarene University. I was a little nervous about enrolling there but other than one required course (Biblical Studies) I was told the program was not really geared around religion, and that's cerainly not what the degree was about.

On the first night of class, I along with about 25 other adults sat in a room with long tables arranged in a U-shape. The professor came in and talked for a few minutes and then said we would go around the room and introduce ourselves by telling everyone our name and where we worked and oh, the most important thing, what religion we were. The last thing I wanted to do on night one was say "well, the only time I've spent in churches are weddings and funerals". I was in the next to last seat and so the whole room went around and almost everyone was Baptist or Southern Baptist with a couple of Methodists and Catholics one Jewish guy thrown in there. I wanted to say I was a believer but didn't go to any specific church so when it got to me I said "nondenominational" which I thought meant "generic Christian" but I guess it means evangelical people who believe inthe end of the world and speak in tongues and shit. I got a few questions and then had to kind of talk my way out of that and I just knew there would be a target on my back for the rest of the year. Then the guy sitting next to me went and told the class he was a Wiccan and was literally a practicing witch. All eyes were on him for the remainder of the program so, thank Jesus for witches.

Anyway, each class was five weeks long and during Biblical Studies we had to read the bible, cover to cover. We got this version that had the King James version and then everything was rewritten in plain English with Cliff Notes. It made it super easy to get through. The class was very factual and historical so there wasn't any talk about turning water into wine or anything. It was more about wars and migrations and actual historical evens from the time.

Also during that class we had to find articles in mainstream newspapers, magazines, or websites that mentioned the bible or religious topics and bring them to class to discuss. My claim to fame was I found a movie review of "All Dogs go to Heaven" and my discussion point was, "in this class we read that only humans have souls and only things with souls go to Heaven and therefor nobody's pets really go to Heaven." That didn't go over well. My backup plan in that class was to fall to the floor and begin speaking in tongues but I never had to resort to that.

I finished that program 20 years ago and don't remember much of what we read or discussed, but I do remember enjoying checking reading the bible off my to-do list.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

When I get ADD brain and think, "You should enroll in an online college and finish your bachelor's degree" I see religious colleges come up. I tend to discount these because religious people are so pushy about it in my mind. I am not opposed to reading about some of this stuff to get an idea of what they say happened.

Reading about the temptations that Jesus didn't give into - so, he's out on his own for 40 days. And Satan shows up 3 times to "tempt" him. Jesus is fasting in all of this. A 40 day fast would be good for me, Jesus didn't seem to need it IMHO. So Satan says, "Hey MAN, why dontcha turn those stones into bread?" And that is his temptation. Satan doesn't even bring the bread! What a jacklick! Imagine trying to "tempt" someone with freshly baked bread - and you live in a place with no limited access to a furnace - and you don't even bring the bread yourself.

Everyone tries to tell you what a bad guy Satan is and I don't buy the big things. But what I do buy are the little things. It's the little examples that show why he would be annoying to be around.

[AArdvark]

https://library.biblicalarchaeology.org ... ing-judas/

[Da King]

Satan roolz.

[Jizaboz]

Satan roolz.

For a while I was really into "Luciferian" teachings (some made total sense like keeping things to yourself though a lot was nonsense with grammar errors), ancient grimoires, etc. I came to the conclusion that it's all fairly boring unless you are a paranoid schizophrenic or something. Much like some of the most hillbilly church goers playing with snakes and such.. takes a certain kind of person to totally buy into it I suppose.

[RealNC]

Satan roolz.

Jesus drools.

[LiamNeesonLittleCars]

Will humanity ever grow up and drop the fairy tales?

Probably not. But do your best.

[AArdvark]

Humans need stories, it's what makes them human. Sometimes they take them too seriously.

[LiamNeesonLittleCars]

Humans need stories, it's what makes them human.

I would challenge that baseless assertion. Both of them!

Lemme clarify, though, I'm not talking about stories for entertainment, for reflection on the human experience, all that. You know what fairy tales I'm talking about. Those that become beliefs, that become identified with, that inform our decisions and our path. Human history (all the way up to this moment right now) is a disastrous tale of people killing each other because they didn't believe in the same fairy tales, or their fairy tales told them who to hate.

Those fairy tales. You know, like the bible.

[AArdvark]

I agree with that, 100%

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Scien ... gement_Day

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Thanks for staying on topic! Favorite disciple and everything!!

[LiamNeesonLittleCars]

You're right, and I apologize. I get triggered by this shit.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

No, I - I -

No! No. No!!! No!!!!!!!!

What happened? Why can't we make jokes? What happened to our ability to LAUGH, LIAM?

Any advice on how we fix this?

[Jizaboz]

Evangelical atheism will not be tolerated in any form.

[AArdvark]

I would like to think it was basically a history/self help book that caught on and eventually got twisted into a control mechanism. Like if Dr. Phil's books fell into the wrong hands in a thousand years.

[LiamNeesonLittleCars]

Evangelical atheism will not be tolerated in any form.

I have no idea what this means.

And okay, I rescind my apology. The title of the thread says it's time to talk about the bible, so I'm talkin' about the fuckin' bible.