The Christmas Light Poll

[Vitriola]

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

I enjoy driving my car at high speeds and sending frozen ice up from the curb in order to puncture air-filled and lit-out Jolly Santas.

Oh, hey there, Milker.

[milker]

Dick up.

Robb, you should take your lovely companion up and see my parents house for Christmas. She will need 2 pair that night. She will shit herself.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Robb, you should take your lovely companion up and see my parents house for Christmas. She will need 2 pair that night. She will shit herself.

Why do I get the feeling that Old Man McLellan pretty much becomes transformed into Clark Griswold for Christmas?

(Well, probably because the Milker's dad and other son enjoy roleplaying the part of a heart attack victim (Milker Sr.) and a frightened and distressed offspring (Miker Sr.'s Son Robbie) at the haunted houses we went to for Halloween. That's probably exactly why I drew that conclusion.)

[Vitriola]

Robb, you should take your lovely companion up and see my parents house for Christmas.

Yes! A night of blinding bad taste, the Milker, and Saturn with the dairy telescope. Please? Please?

[Jack Straw]

I enjoy rearranging Christmas lawn ornaments in sexual poses.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Robb, you should take your lovely companion up and see my parents house for Christmas.

Yes! A night of blinding bad taste, the Milker, and Saturn with the dairy telescope. Please? Please?

You bet, doll. It's the least I can do.

Get this, JC Denizens: OK, last night we have some Christmas music going. And -- though I didn't know it at the time -- We Three Kings comes on. I am asked what song it is, and I reply "Greensleeves."

Look, they practically sound the same.

Anyway, I am told that it is not Greensleeves. I recall saying, "Yes! It's GREENSLEEVES YOU YUTZ." (Sort of regret the 'yutz' part now.)

We listen a little longer... and I realize it is not Greensleeves.

V then goes on to download about fifty different versions of Greensleeves from Soulseek, Kazaa, FTP sites, Napster, alt.binaries.christmas-music and for all I know, iTunes and St. Nick's own USB Flashdrive. Greensleeves is played for the next twenty minutes before I roll off the bed and fix the Winamp queue.

I ask you, my light-hearted friends... is that or is that not single handedly creating A Very Obnoxious Christmas?

So anyway, yeah. Saturn will be a part of our holiday plans... but also the Milker's dad. It's the way it's gotta be.