Tonight we're cooking this!
http://www.recipe-ideas.co.uk/recipes-1 ... Curry).htm
Cooking!!!
Moderators: AArdvark, Ice Cream Jonsey
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Yuso Toopid
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Curry Expert
Welcome to our brand new feature in the "Cooking!!!" thread: ASK THE CURRY EXPERT! During this segment, Curry Expert will answer any and all of your questions about curry!
Q: So, what is "curry", anyway? Is it a flavor? A spice? A type of dish? I mean, what gives, bitch?
CE: NONE OF THE ABOVE! "Curry" is, in fact, a bullshit word made up by the fucking British in a lame attempt to describe the British-influenced Indian dishes resembling a gravied stew. If you have to use the despicable, disgusting, borderline racist word "curry", use it only to describe these kinds of dishes, and never when trying to describe a flavor, and definitely never when trying to describe a spice or spice blend. I once met someone who didn't want to try a soup described as "curry-flavored", because they "didn't like curry". I had to kill both that person, and the person who cooked and named the soup.
Q: Well, I mean, what's the Indian word for "curry"?
CE: There is none. No self-respecting dot-head would ever disgrace the native cuisine of their homeland by uttering that most repugnant, disrespectful of words.
Q: If I want to cook one of these dishes, what kind of curry powder is the best?
CE: If you even touch a jar of "curry powder", I will personally find you and cut your head off, scoop out your brains, and fill it with curry powder. Buying "curry powder" would be like buying something called "food seasoning" and putting it in everything you made. "Curry powder" features but one of countless spice blends you may want to use to cook your dishes. Letting the hated manufacturer decide what the blend is speaks only to your own stupidity. Buy the spices separately, preferably grind them yourself, and quit with this "curry" crap. There is no such thing as "curry powder". I suggest burning down every store you find which carries it.
Q: But didn't Emeril Lagasse, on his Food Network show this very morning use "curry powder" to season a dish and "give it that nice curry flavor"?
CE: Yes, he did. I tracked him down a few hours ago. Let's just say, you won't be seeing any more new episodes of Emeril Live for awhile.
Q: I've been to several Indian restaurants, and they all list various "curries" on the menu. Why would they say that, if it's so "unauthentic"?
CE: Because they've resigned themselves to having to cater to unimaginative, clueless Brits and Americans who refuse to know any better, no matter what. This is why you find the same ten dishes at every damn restaurant, and why 99% of all "Mexican restaurants" serve the same five things, none of which is ever eaten in Mexico, and why you can't get any decent goddamn food anywhere. God, do I hate everyone.
Q: I have friends and family who don't want to eat Indian food because it's too hot. What should I do?
CE: First berate them for being so fucking stupid, and then kill them. Saying "Indian food is hot" is like saying "Italian food is round". Like each cuisine is represented by ONE SINGLE DISH, and nothing else exists. In fact, anyone who starts a sentence, "[such and such cuisine] is..." should be instantly killed and then burned.
Q: You seem pretty worked up about this.
CE: I'm the CURRY EXPERT. This is all I do, all day, every day. I have no love, no escape, no reason for living. You'd be pretty worked up too.
Q: So, what is "curry", anyway? Is it a flavor? A spice? A type of dish? I mean, what gives, bitch?
CE: NONE OF THE ABOVE! "Curry" is, in fact, a bullshit word made up by the fucking British in a lame attempt to describe the British-influenced Indian dishes resembling a gravied stew. If you have to use the despicable, disgusting, borderline racist word "curry", use it only to describe these kinds of dishes, and never when trying to describe a flavor, and definitely never when trying to describe a spice or spice blend. I once met someone who didn't want to try a soup described as "curry-flavored", because they "didn't like curry". I had to kill both that person, and the person who cooked and named the soup.
Q: Well, I mean, what's the Indian word for "curry"?
CE: There is none. No self-respecting dot-head would ever disgrace the native cuisine of their homeland by uttering that most repugnant, disrespectful of words.
Q: If I want to cook one of these dishes, what kind of curry powder is the best?
CE: If you even touch a jar of "curry powder", I will personally find you and cut your head off, scoop out your brains, and fill it with curry powder. Buying "curry powder" would be like buying something called "food seasoning" and putting it in everything you made. "Curry powder" features but one of countless spice blends you may want to use to cook your dishes. Letting the hated manufacturer decide what the blend is speaks only to your own stupidity. Buy the spices separately, preferably grind them yourself, and quit with this "curry" crap. There is no such thing as "curry powder". I suggest burning down every store you find which carries it.
Q: But didn't Emeril Lagasse, on his Food Network show this very morning use "curry powder" to season a dish and "give it that nice curry flavor"?
CE: Yes, he did. I tracked him down a few hours ago. Let's just say, you won't be seeing any more new episodes of Emeril Live for awhile.
Q: I've been to several Indian restaurants, and they all list various "curries" on the menu. Why would they say that, if it's so "unauthentic"?
CE: Because they've resigned themselves to having to cater to unimaginative, clueless Brits and Americans who refuse to know any better, no matter what. This is why you find the same ten dishes at every damn restaurant, and why 99% of all "Mexican restaurants" serve the same five things, none of which is ever eaten in Mexico, and why you can't get any decent goddamn food anywhere. God, do I hate everyone.
Q: I have friends and family who don't want to eat Indian food because it's too hot. What should I do?
CE: First berate them for being so fucking stupid, and then kill them. Saying "Indian food is hot" is like saying "Italian food is round". Like each cuisine is represented by ONE SINGLE DISH, and nothing else exists. In fact, anyone who starts a sentence, "[such and such cuisine] is..." should be instantly killed and then burned.
Q: You seem pretty worked up about this.
CE: I'm the CURRY EXPERT. This is all I do, all day, every day. I have no love, no escape, no reason for living. You'd be pretty worked up too.
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ChainGangGuy
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