Help, I'm in Germany

Keza · Post by **Keza** » Fri Jul 30, 2004 2:57 pm

Staying with a rabid Chrisian lesbian and her family.

Help.

Seriously, she talks of Jesus like he is her close personal friend and wears a God Rocks t-shirt. I am not even allowed to fucking SWEAR for a week.

It's times like this you learn to love Britain.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Fri Jul 30, 2004 3:04 pm

Keza wrote:Staying with a rabid Chrisian lesbian and her family.

Help.

Seriously, she talks of Jesus like he is her close personal friend and wears a God Rocks t-shirt. I am not even allowed to fucking SWEAR for a week.

It's times like this you learn to love Britain.

I understand you get three brunches in Germany.

Vitriola · Post by **Vitriola** » Fri Jul 30, 2004 3:15 pm

A guy at work wore a shirt that said Lord's Gym on it, and it had a huge garish picture of the crucifixion on the front with the words 'His Pain, Your Gain' on the back. Real gym, or metaphor? I couldn't decide all day.

EDIT: Christian T. Found an ad for it.

Keza · Post by **Keza** » Fri Jul 30, 2004 3:17 pm

Oh, it has its advantages all right. For breakfast this morning, I had meat and cheese. Lots of it. For lunch, I had sausages and chips. And for dinner, some more meat and cheese. And lots of cake.

Everywhere you look, you can buy alcohol, with some nice hot sausages and, occasionally, other foods. Also, you can buy beer here at sixteen, and it's über-cheap!

Vitriola · Post by **Vitriola** » Fri Jul 30, 2004 3:21 pm

I wouldn't make it down an entire street without stopping at every little place. Unless, of course, the lesbian gave me some of her own meat to try.

One of the best meals I ever had was an apple-brandy sausage. I never realized that German food would be so damn good until I went here.

Keza · Post by **Keza** » Fri Jul 30, 2004 3:26 pm

Thank you, Vitriola. You have enabled me to a)see how mild German rabid Christianity is compared to American and, thereby, feel liberated, and b)not to feel guilty about the fact that I have stopped at every sausage stall I have yet seen for a Bratwurst.

Lex · Post by **Lex** » Fri Jul 30, 2004 4:15 pm

Hi Keza! I'm still drink! Wanna get jibggygygy? You're 16n ow, right?

Keza · Post by **Keza** » Fri Jul 30, 2004 4:27 pm

I think that stopped mattering about four months ago, babe...

You got drunk without me? :-(

EDIT: Hey, will you look at that, I'm sixteen in sixteen days. Gosh.

chris · Post by **chris** » Fri Jul 30, 2004 5:42 pm

Keza wrote:Thank you, Vitriola. You have enabled me to a)see how mild German rabid Christianity is compared to American and, thereby, feel liberated, and b)not to feel guilty about the fact that I have stopped at every sausage stall I have yet seen for a Bratwurst.

I spent a month in Germany 10 years ago (actually 10 years ago EXACTLY), and came back about 14 pounds LIGHTER. Aside from being sick for 2 weeks while over there, I had a major problem with the food. Eating RAW bacon and fatty sausages for breakfast just wasn't for me.
Thank God for Wienerwald (a chain restaurant with no real comparable chain here in the US). Kinda like Denny's I guess.

Lysander · Post by **Lysander** » Fri Jul 30, 2004 8:30 pm

Rabid Christian lesbian? How does *that* work?

Debaser · Post by **Debaser** » Fri Jul 30, 2004 8:42 pm

Lysander wrote:Rabid Christian lesbian? How does *that* work?

How did you think Mary kept her cherry for so very very long?

bruce · Post by **bruce** » Fri Jul 30, 2004 8:45 pm

Keza wrote:I have stopped at every sausage stall I have yet seen for a Bratwurst.

Oh, if only you were sixteen. [EDIT: eighteen]

Bruce

Keza · Post by **Keza** » Sat Jul 31, 2004 10:22 am

Update: I take it all back. This place is *fucking brilliant*. There happens to be a festival on here in Wettenberg right now and as a Scottish curiosity, hot German bandmembers keep wanting to try out their English on me (hurhurhur).

And, I cannot *believe* how cheap the beer is. I got completely pissed this afternoon on just 18 euros' worth of beer. That's probably about $20's worth, and it was six pints. And as far as food and alcohol portions go, it's Huge or Really Huge. But yeah, if you're not a fan of meat, you're pretty much screwed.

As for my Christian lesbian: she's quite nice really, as long as you don't let her talk about Jesus or come within six metres of you. She's probably not actually a lesbian. Maybe she's just, y'know, affectionate. And German. She has certainly improved since I saw her last May - back then, she didn't seem to know what a bra was, which made for horrific sights everytime she was caught outside in the rain.

Also, last time she made me go to Bible camp with her for an entire weekend, in the company of sad youths with 'Parental Advisory: Christian Content' on their t-shirts. I believe I've gotten off lightly this year with only two visits to Church.

Oh, and I've decided that I am not going to let my well-documented weakness for German men get me into trouble. Not this time. *hides new 'Blasen macht Spaß' t-shirt in back pocket of suitcase*

Worm · Post by **Worm** » Sat Jul 31, 2004 11:03 am

www.kompressormusic.com
I'd really appreciate it if you could get me one of Kompressor's early tapes.

Lysander · Post by **Lysander** » Sat Jul 31, 2004 12:11 pm

...I am so tempted to go off on a rant about all the fucking Christians trying to convert everyone in the goddamn world in a manner not unentirely unlike advertising agents. But I won't, because quite frankly no one on here wants to read it except me.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Sat Jul 31, 2004 12:14 pm

I would like to read it. I hate God.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Jul 31, 2004 3:36 pm

Yay! Me too!

Very, very pissed.

And very full of sausage.

Whooooah.

Worm · Post by **Worm** » Sat Jul 31, 2004 7:16 pm

I don't care enough about Christianity to have an opinion on it. I would like a Kompressor tape in the mail though. ; )

Keza · Post by **Keza** » Sun Aug 01, 2004 8:48 am

Update: Well, Worm, someone had a Kompressor LP for sale, but couldn't find any tapes.

Today, I discovered something called Mandeln: fresh roasted almonds coated in sugar and some magical other substance I cannot identify. Best snack in the WORLD. I bought loads of them to take back to Britainland with me, along with a couple of shirts and a headscarf so I can wander around looking like a hippy dude and thereby avoid the attentions of fat German sausage merchants, and similar.

It is, however, far, far too hot. I woke up in a pool of sweat this morning (highly unpleasant), and things have not much improved as the day has gone on. There's just no way to avoid or get away from the scorching rays of mid-European sun, and the Christians won't let me take my clothes off and dance under a sprinkler like any normal family would.

Am still a bit hungover from yesterday evening. My German usually makes me go outside to meet her friends and then stay with her while she completely ignores me for a few hours, but yesterday evening she gave me another 20 euros to spend and told me I could piss off and do what I wanted for the evening. So, naturally, I ran off to buy beer and ended up tring to hit on the guitarist from a band called Midnight Creepers.

He was probably about forty-eight.

Vitriola · Post by **Vitriola** » Sun Aug 01, 2004 9:21 am

Keza wrote:Today, I discovered something called Mandeln: fresh roasted almonds coated in sugar and some magical other substance I cannot identify. Best snack in the WORLD.

They had somehting like this at the Renaissance Festival. The guy giving out samples called out "NUTS!" every 10 seconds and made leery comments to the women in the crowd. Highly entertaining. Best snack in the WORLD.

Help, I'm in Germany

Help, I'm in Germany

Re: Help, I'm in Germany