Curves For Women Sucks Ass

[Vitriola]

The side panel of our Ritz (tm) crackers had a coupon for 3 free workouts at Curves For Women, if I had a receipt for 3 Nabisco (tm) products. We needed crackers anyway, so I bought some and took my ass across town because they offered me a free week. They told me nothing about the gym itself or what it's 'deal' is, but it is glaringly obvious upon entrance. 1 room, painted a Cheery! color of lime green, 10 machines alternating with 10 floor squares all set in a circle, while some giddy enthusiast puts on a tape of Mix Hits! along the idea of some manic rendition of 'Mony, Mony', 'Baby, Baby, Where Did Our Love Go?' and the like, while every 30 seconds some canned fembot says 'please change stations'. You basically exercise in a circle, looking at everybody else across the way, unable to listen to your own music or watch tv or read or surreptitiously check out all the super hot women, of which there are none here. I said it wasn't my thing and bolted, giving all fake information on my sign-in form, after I ascertained that there was not, in fact, an actual weight room or real gym behind the front room. And all this came for only $30 a month! Mothafuckah, I had a membership to 24 Hour Fitness for $16/month, and all their aerobics and yoga and random classes were FREE. The women tried to make it sound like for our benefits, they beat men off at the door who were stepping on each others faces in order to join and look at very large women. She actually apologized that the air conditioner repair guy had to make an appearance once. No self-respecting man would step foot in there, but they'll charge you for the privelege. I left and cranked Behemoth as loud as I could on the way home. Fuck THAT.

[bruce]

for our benefits, they beat men off at the door

Where can I sign up?

Bruce

[Worm]

Curves doesn't work if you have self identity apart from a women in America in the 1920's.

[k. roo]

[Vitriola]

Yes! That's exactly what this one looked like! Shit, they decorate them ALL the same way? WTF?

[bruce]

Sweet Fucking Christ.

I thought I had no pride, but even <i>I</i> don't want to be beaten off by Grammy in what looks like a third-rate chiropractor's office/playschool.

Bruce

[AArdvark]

OH...MY...GOD

V, You went there?

THE
AARDVARK
JAW DROPPING
TO THE FLOOR

[Worm]

OH...MY...GOD

V, You went there?

THE
AARDVARK
JAW DROPPING
TO THE FLOOR

As it's the only picture I've seen of her (I think that was her, right?) I just imagine this zombie nurse on a stair stepper with a bunch of old people gasping.

My mom who is in such good shape that people think I had a teen mother goes to Weight Watchers, I just imagine all the fatties getting weighed shaking their fists at her.

[Knuckles the CLown]

My mom who is in such good shape that people think I had a teen mother goes to Weight Watchers, I just imagine all the fatties getting weighed shaking their fists at her.

Pics please!

[pinback]

Also, Curves is owned by a right-wing, anti-abortion Nazi-type Chrisssssstian.

http://www.snopes.com/business/alliance/curves.asp