Dave Sim Can Suck My Hairy Balls

[bruce]

You know, I'm sure that if that fuckbag were reading this, he'd tell me I hate him because I'm a feminist. And that I want him to kill himself because I'm a feminist.

I'm here to tell you that that's not true. I hate him, and want him to kill himself, because of volumes 14, 15, and 16 of Cerebus. I don't know which issues those were. About 200-300, I think. I read Cerebus in the collected volumes, not in individual issues as they were released.

That fucktard SODOMIZED MY EYEBALLS by making me sit through THREE HUNDRED FUCKING PAGES OF SHIT STARTING WITH THE THREE STOOGES (and let me tell you something: the Three Stooges are pretty goddamn funny as slapstick comedy. As a FUCKING COMIC BOOK? STILL IMAGES ON THE PAGE? NOT GODDAMN FUNNY AT ALL) with BLACK LETTER TYPE BECAUSE IT'S A HOLY BOOK. And THEN WOODY FUCKING ALLEN WHO'S NEVER BEEN WORTH A SHIT. And THEN he leads off VOLUME 16 with 30-odd pages of BLACK LETTER BATSHIT THEOLOGY (with bad biology, worse chemistry, and FUCKING ATROCIOUS PHYSICS and ASTROPHYSICS) which boils down to, and I'm not making this up because I COULDN'T FUCKING MAKE SHIT LIKE THIS UP:

Helium is female and therefore evil. Neutrinos are pure souls.

And then the rest of the book is about senility and farting, basically. It's not worth reading either but AT LEAST IT DID NOT MAKE MY EYES BLEED.

You know, once, a long time ago, I really <i>did</i> care whether Cerebus would die "alone, unmourned, and unloved." But by Volume 16 I was just WISHING HE'D HURRY THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT.

I should have stopped after Church and State II, and then picked up Melmoth. That I should have done. But no, and after a bunch of volumes, I HAD to get THE REST even though I knew it would suck.

So, Dave Sim: I don't hate you because you're a misogynist. You're welcome to your low opinion of women. I hate you BECAUSE YOU FUCKING INFLICTED THE LAST 100 ISSUES OF CEREBUS ON ME AND IT FUCKING SUCKED. The last even REMOTELY READABLE part was the Hemingway story.

Do I want you to kill yourself as quickly yet painfully as possible? Yes. Does it have anything at all to do with your views on feminism or indeed, all things with twats? No.

In summary: SUCK MY HAIRY BALLS out of five stars.

Bruce

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

He wrote about a wisecracking pig for 20 years or something, right? And he claims it's the longest uninterrupted story or what have you, correct?

Hahaha, a talking pig! Hilarious!

[bruce]

He wrote about a wisecracking pig for 20 years or something, right? And he claims it's the longest uninterrupted story or what have you, correct?

Hahaha, a talking pig! Hilarious!

Dude, it's an aardvark.

But anyway, yeah. If he wants SHEER EPIC SCALE, or even SHEER EPIC SCALE OF FUCKED-UP MORALITY PLAY PRESENTED BY PSYCHOTIC PARANOID WITH SEVERE SEXUAL ISSUES, Dave Sim comes in a distant, distant second to Henry Darger (http://www.saraayers.com/darger.htm).

Bruce

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Hahaha, a talking pig! Hilarious!

Dude, it's an aardvark.

Oh.

Yeah, we were good on that after Howard the Duck. Did he not get the memo? Howard was wonderful for the 70s and Doctor Bong not being a guy who smokes up all the time, but someone who kept hitting his liberty-bell-shaped head with his wrecking ball is possibly the greatest arch-villain anyone's ever had, with the possible exception of Lance Armstrong (cancer). Some guy writing about a talking aardvark -- Jesus. Some guy writing misogyny with a talking aardvark, well, I can't understand why it didn't take off??

[Bill Dungsroman]

Hahaha, a talking pig! Hilarious!

Dude, it's an aardvark.

Oh.

Yeah, we were good on that after Howard the Duck. Did he not get the memo? Howard was wonderful for the 70s and Doctor Bong not being a guy who smokes up all the time, but someone who kept hitting his liberty-bell-shaped head with his wrecking ball is possibly the greatest arch-villain anyone's ever had, with the possible exception of Lance Armstrong (cancer). Some guy writing about a talking aardvark -- Jesus. Some guy writing misogyny with a talking aardvark, well, I can't understand why it didn't take off??

And when asked to write for another comic - Spawn - he STILL USES THE FUCKING AARDVARK.

[PoisonX]

the Spawn issue was related to the situation the comics' industry was into at the time. What McFarlane and the guys at Image Studios tried to do, was prove to the comics' Majors (Marvel in first place) that the companies relied too much on the name of the artists, but didn't quite recognize 'em all the rights they should've had on their own creations: both conceptually- and economicallywise.
That's why, in that issue, you see a Violator-like figure dressed fully in dollars mock the tentatives of Spawn/McFarlane to set free the old comicdom heroes, caged in front of blindfolded figures (the authors).
That's why, in that issue, in the very last illustration, you see the names of the authors copyrighting in HUGE letters the names of their creations, followed by the word "FOREVER".
That's why Sim used the "fucking aardvark again".
It was a manifesto-like issue, a milestone in the comics' industry, for which I think a li'l more respect should be shown.

PX

[AntidoteY]

CURED.

AY

[AArdvark]

So.....what's the problem?



THE
I DONT READ COMIC BOOKS
AARDVARK

[AArdvark]

http://www.lambiek.net/sim.htm


OK. This I have seen before. Gotta agree, borrring!





THE
STILL NOT READING
COMIC BOOKS
BUT WOULD SEND AWAY
FOR THE 1200 PIECE
ARMY GUY SET IN A
WOODEN FOOTLOCKER!
AARDVARK

[AArdvark]

THE
YOU KNOW YOU ALWAYS
WANTED EM'
AARDVARK