Fuck Brown Rice

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Sat Oct 10, 2009 2:11 pm

I haven't been to the Indian Store in ages, so I am out of actual basmati rice. As a result, I picked up one of the million bags of "brown rice" at the local King Soopers.

I threw the brown rice in the rice pot. I made some chicken and threw some curry powder (FOOD SEASONING!) over it. 18 minutes later, I checked the brown rice and it was nowhere near done!

What the fuck is this happy horseshit?

Looking at the bag, it says that it requires 40-45 minutes to cook. Is this some kind of sick joke? The directions may as well read "open bag, throw directly into garbage."

Does it being brown have something to do with it? I assumed white rice was bleached because Americans are idiots. Is it actually different in some other way? I'm never getting brown rice again. The idea is, it has to be faster to make than the amount of time it takes a Chinese person to deliver it.

Uncle Ben · Post by **Uncle Ben** » Sat Oct 10, 2009 7:19 pm

Son, you just don't know how good you have it.

Grocer · Post by **Grocer** » Mon Oct 12, 2009 8:36 am

Clearly, you have erred with your rash judgment of BROWN RICE.

As this website kindly points out:

http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-the-dif ... e-rice.htm

Brown rice, however, is left with these outer layers intact, and since the bulk of the nutrition is available in these layers, brown rice is better for the consumer.

ICJ · Post by **ICJ** » Mon Oct 12, 2009 4:48 pm

I did enjoy the brown rice. It was frigging awesome. Three cheers? Eh? Eh??

Benny Haha · Post by **Benny Haha** » Mon Oct 12, 2009 5:10 pm

Velly good, Joe!

joan frazier · Post by **joan frazier** » Wed Dec 16, 2009 7:13 pm

Brown rice is good! maybe you were just annoyed Ice Cream Jonsey at first not knowing what to do with it.

good thing you enjoyed it at the end.

Thanks for sharing.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Wed Dec 16, 2009 10:05 pm

Jonsey did not like brown rice originally because he thought they were the legs of tiny, unborn chicken fetuses.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Wed Dec 16, 2009 10:10 pm

You sure you want to go down this path, pinback?

You certain?

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Wed Dec 16, 2009 10:36 pm

Sure. I mean, why-- is... is there something else to do here?

The ghost of Jolt Country Past is just begging us to go down any path we can find, so YES, YES GODDAMMIT, I WANT TO GO DOWN THIS PATH.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Wed Dec 16, 2009 10:53 pm

Fine.

Pinback is fumbling around, trying to tell you all that - until recently - I believed that the chicken wing pieces that look like legs were actually from tiny or baby chickens.

They are not. They are also part of the wing. They look like drumsticks, but that is in error.

Furthermore, since nobody ever comes to my god-forsaken home (and I mean that: God has forsaken it) I left a dish on the ole Crystal Castles cocktail. The one tinge of humanity left inside me said, "Robb.... don't do that.... Ben will see when he goes to feed your cats... he will see..." But I ignored that.

And then BAM! Brought to the BBS, creating drama.

I asked Pinback if it was a path he wanted to go down. He said yes. So I shall return the favor, and post horrible things about my "friend" Ben Pinback.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Thu Dec 17, 2009 3:32 pm

Sure, this place is a little dead. I'd be happy to go down this dark path with my good buddy Mash!