[RECIPE] Ben's Famous Lazy Green Chile Breakfast Burritos

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But a few things in this life are certain. Two things chiefly among them are: 1. Green chile breakfast burritos are the greatest food ever invented, which is why everyone in New Mexico would be seven hundred pounds if they weren't already meth addicts, because they just sit around all day eating breakfast burritos even though it's 4:30 in the goddamn afternoon. Everyone wants one. You want one. Right now. 2. But you're too lazy to make one.

Good thing I'm here, because I'm gonna tell you the LAZY MAN'S (OR WOMAN'S) RECIPE for Green Chile Breakfast Burritos! It's not effort-free, but I've cut corners whenever possible! ...For people.

INGREDIENTS
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- A "burrito-size" flour tortilla
- 2 eggs
- 2 slices bacon
- Frozen hash browns, from your freezer section
- Shredded cheddar cheese that they sell in them bags
- Green chile sauce (*)
- Salt, wherever appropriate
- Cooking spray

DIRECTIONS
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1. Spray a pan with cooking spray, put a couple handfuls of the frozen potatoes in there, and let 'em start fryin' away. Turn once or twice after a few minutes until they be gettin' crispy.

2. On a paper plate (easy to clean!), put a paper towel down. Then put the bacon slices on that. Then put another paper towel over it. Then microwave for two minutes.

3. Mix up the eggs in a bowl, and then in another pan, spray some cooking spray and throw the eggs in there and start scramblin'!

4. Warm/soften the tortilla by putting it between two moistened paper towels and microwaving for 30 seconds.

5. Lay the tortilla out. Throw them eggs on there. Throw them bacon on there. Throw them potatoes on there! Throw them cheese on there! Throw some of that green chile sauce (*) on there!

6. Roll that bad boy up, and EAT DAT BURRITO!!!



(*) Alright, the deal with this is, in PARTS of the country (Colorado & New Mexico, generally speaking) you can just go into the freezer section and buy a tub of this -- usually just called "green chile", and not "green chile sauce". If you are unable to find it, though, you can either make your own, which is quite simple but also doesn't really fit in with the "lazy" aspect of this recipe, OR just get one of those little four ounce cans of chopped green chile from the "Hispanic" aisle of the grocery, and just use those. It'll still be fan-effing-tastic.

[RetroRomper]

Maybe a "calorie conscious," blah blah recipe of some kind would be appropriate?

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[RECIPE] BEN'S FAMOUS CALORIE-CONSCIOUS GREEN CHILE BREAKFAST BURRITO

- Exactly the same as the recipe above, except you don't eat anything else until dinnertime.