Soft, "medium-rare" bacon.

[AArdvark]

Could you describe the smell?

So glad the internet doesn't transmit olfactory information.

THE
ODORIFEROUS
AARDVARK

[Tdarcos]

Let me explain the joke to you -- I am willing to pay Comcast $20 to turn off your internet access. And by "$20" I really mean "four billion dollars."

In which case I sue Comcast, collect the money you paid them plus huge punitive damages, then get FIOS from Verizon.

Then if you try to stop them, I will have enough money to buy a commercial connection from MFS.

Then if you stop them, I buy it from Level 3 Communications.

Then buy it from MCI.
Then buy it from AT&T.
Then buy it from Sprint.

And if it goes beyond that, I'll have enough money to pay for a direct gigabit connection to the nearest internet exchange point which is 75 miles away in Warrenton, VA. It costs about 5 grand a mile to lay fiber, so...

And then I could sell the surplus bandwidth and buy this house, and run my own carrier.

And at that point, you could never disconnect me.

[Flack]

Then I would use the mind control ray from your novel to convince them otherwise.