This is fucking hilarious. Some bitch is absolutely OUTRAGED at Coors' use of a couple of twins in their ads:
Link
Choice quotes:
"Coors beer ads have created a fantasy scenario with an incestuous twist that communicates brilliantly with the pig-like male brain."
Hahahah! Yeah, THAT'S it, bitch. "Pig-like male brain." Oink, oink.
"Besides being just plain hot, the aesthetically gifted 26-year-old blondes featured in the campaign are twin sisters. Twin sisters whose four blue eyes seem always to be saying, "Hey boys, anyone up for a three-way?" Sisters in a three-way? Gross."
OMG GROSS OH NOES YOU PIG-LIKE MEN AND YR PIG-LIKE BRAINS
I have never read an article on "Salon" -- and I only was directed to this one as it was linked to on News Askew -- that didn't make me embarassed for :
1) The writer.
2) The editors.
3) The Internet in general.
4) Humankind.
What a joke. That there are people out there who pay the subscription fee for that terrible site is probably the saddest thing of all.
Hahaha, I fucking hate Salon
Moderators: AArdvark, Ice Cream Jonsey
-
Ice Cream Jonsey
- Posts: 30067
- Joined: Sat Apr 27, 2002 2:44 pm
- Location: Colorado
- Contact:
Hahaha, I fucking hate Salon
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!
-
outraged James Bond
...
Someone at salon.com seems very intent on being able to read the way eye contact communicates sexiness to the male brain. Considering that the staff is completely made up of stuck-up feminist bitches, I wonder what this states about them? God, I will never fucking visit that site again. You can't make me. You can't. YOU CAN'T.
-
Ice Cream Jonsey
- Posts: 30067
- Joined: Sat Apr 27, 2002 2:44 pm
- Location: Colorado
- Contact:
I honestly cannot think of a single person that I know that, having already stated that he or she would be OK with having a sexual experience with two members of a sex that he or she finds desireable, wouldn't also be turned on if these two people were twins.
However, this entire concept -- which you gotta admit would be fascinating to engage in and learn about -- is completely dismissed with a "gross" by the dumbfuck in question. Here's a hint for any and all writers on the Internet: if someone like me can add "Well! I never!" to the end of your paragraphs and have it fit, then maybe the Internet isn't exactly the place you ought to be writing.
I can understand why garbage like the article in question gets written: there will always be people out there who enjoy writing in a very arrogant and very condescending tone. I hate these people, of course, but they have always and will always exist. What I don't get is that there are people out there who would send over money to support, effectively, being talked down to. Who the hell is giving these nothings money? If I want someone to treat me like an idiot for no good reason, I'll start posting in one of Pinback's thread.
However, this entire concept -- which you gotta admit would be fascinating to engage in and learn about -- is completely dismissed with a "gross" by the dumbfuck in question. Here's a hint for any and all writers on the Internet: if someone like me can add "Well! I never!" to the end of your paragraphs and have it fit, then maybe the Internet isn't exactly the place you ought to be writing.
I can understand why garbage like the article in question gets written: there will always be people out there who enjoy writing in a very arrogant and very condescending tone. I hate these people, of course, but they have always and will always exist. What I don't get is that there are people out there who would send over money to support, effectively, being talked down to. Who the hell is giving these nothings money? If I want someone to treat me like an idiot for no good reason, I'll start posting in one of Pinback's thread.
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!
-
AArdvark
- Posts: 17735
- Joined: Tue May 14, 2002 6:12 pm
- Location: Rochester, NY
the funny part is that the commercial is selling beer. I don't understand how drinking beer is gonna get me laid by the hooter twins. I been drinking beer for years (not constantly tho) and it aint happened yet.
Ever seen that commercial at the theater (yes, the movie theater!) for some kind of body wash/deodorant? All these women (girls) accept the bad behavior that their men did because of this product. In the last scene this girl is asking 'if it's OK if her best friend joins us'. I just keep thinking that what if her best friend is a linebacker named bubba. keeps me awake at night for no good reason...
THE
SUDSY
AARDVARK
Ever seen that commercial at the theater (yes, the movie theater!) for some kind of body wash/deodorant? All these women (girls) accept the bad behavior that their men did because of this product. In the last scene this girl is asking 'if it's OK if her best friend joins us'. I just keep thinking that what if her best friend is a linebacker named bubba. keeps me awake at night for no good reason...
THE
SUDSY
AARDVARK
-
James Bond
To answer both questions in reverse order because I am that fucking *EVIL*...
Its a beer commercial, marketing mainly towards not those who like an occasional drink or two, but the overweight, sweaty, mangy alcoholics. You'd think that, being alcoholics, they wouldn't *need* to have commercials, but anyway... the "hidden subliminal message" involved is "drink with me you s3zy m3nzah and we'll fuck you into next week! *giggle*" Basically, beer commercials are trying to subliminally tell people "if you drink you'll get layed", but of course they can't actually *say* that. And I'm sure it actually works on the dumb ones, those who don't have the intelectual capacity to go much past "pretty lady! Hiuhk hiuhk!" Additionally, I'm sure it has something to do with complaints from these same stuck-up feminist bitches that we're raving about in the first place complaining about the earlier beer commercials which contained, as Dave Barry put it:
"...large hairy *men* staggering around and shaking each others hands. In one commercial they all pull on large hairy ropes and rescue a barge from floating out to see, before shaking hands again. Also you'll notice that there are no women in these beer commercials. The women have gotten tired of all the men saying "Hey George, we sure rescued that barge, didn't we!" or "Do you think its easy to rescue a barge/ WELL ITS *NOT*!", or, late at night, "Heey... let's go set that barge loose again!". So the women have gone off to find men who make their own beer. [sidenote: Dave Barry makes his own beer] Another of these commercials shows--I am not making this up--the berly men build a house. Now, I am not speaking from experience, except for the time when we helped a friend move out while under the influence buy throwing his posessions out of his fourth story window onto the pavement, but people while under the influence of alcohol... are not that good at building. The camera shows the berley men stacking up bricks to make a wall. It wouldn't surprise me that after the camera cuts out they keep pushing bricks into the wall until it falls over, crushing the sound equipment. And then... they all shake hands."
The people who would pay for this magazine, Robb, are of course women. You notice that all they are talking down to in the magazine are the "pig-like male brain". The entire damn website, as I gathered from the article tainted with the titles of the top links--are all geared towards women viewers. Basically, the entire magazine is designed for all of the arrogant stuck-up feminist bitches of the world to talk jealously to themselves about those pig-like men behind their backs. *coughcough TOTALFUCKINGBULLDYKES! *coughcough*
Its a beer commercial, marketing mainly towards not those who like an occasional drink or two, but the overweight, sweaty, mangy alcoholics. You'd think that, being alcoholics, they wouldn't *need* to have commercials, but anyway... the "hidden subliminal message" involved is "drink with me you s3zy m3nzah and we'll fuck you into next week! *giggle*" Basically, beer commercials are trying to subliminally tell people "if you drink you'll get layed", but of course they can't actually *say* that. And I'm sure it actually works on the dumb ones, those who don't have the intelectual capacity to go much past "pretty lady! Hiuhk hiuhk!" Additionally, I'm sure it has something to do with complaints from these same stuck-up feminist bitches that we're raving about in the first place complaining about the earlier beer commercials which contained, as Dave Barry put it:
"...large hairy *men* staggering around and shaking each others hands. In one commercial they all pull on large hairy ropes and rescue a barge from floating out to see, before shaking hands again. Also you'll notice that there are no women in these beer commercials. The women have gotten tired of all the men saying "Hey George, we sure rescued that barge, didn't we!" or "Do you think its easy to rescue a barge/ WELL ITS *NOT*!", or, late at night, "Heey... let's go set that barge loose again!". So the women have gone off to find men who make their own beer. [sidenote: Dave Barry makes his own beer] Another of these commercials shows--I am not making this up--the berly men build a house. Now, I am not speaking from experience, except for the time when we helped a friend move out while under the influence buy throwing his posessions out of his fourth story window onto the pavement, but people while under the influence of alcohol... are not that good at building. The camera shows the berley men stacking up bricks to make a wall. It wouldn't surprise me that after the camera cuts out they keep pushing bricks into the wall until it falls over, crushing the sound equipment. And then... they all shake hands."
The people who would pay for this magazine, Robb, are of course women. You notice that all they are talking down to in the magazine are the "pig-like male brain". The entire damn website, as I gathered from the article tainted with the titles of the top links--are all geared towards women viewers. Basically, the entire magazine is designed for all of the arrogant stuck-up feminist bitches of the world to talk jealously to themselves about those pig-like men behind their backs. *coughcough TOTALFUCKINGBULLDYKES! *coughcough*
-
Ice Cream Jonsey
- Posts: 30067
- Joined: Sat Apr 27, 2002 2:44 pm
- Location: Colorado
- Contact:
I was going to say, "that's pretty unfair to an entire gender," but then of course this is James Bond we're talking about here. Here's a guy who has made a career out of being mean to Soviets, Auric and girls.
Usually, the only times I encounter that site is when somebody on a video game BBS links an article by James Au Wagner. Wagner may very well be the worst writer on the Internet. Back on the Old Man Murray forum (this was a few years back) someone directed him to a thread where we were all ripping the shit out of him, and he started a thread that was just oozing with his patented retardation entitled something like, "Attention: Future Columbiners...." It was really over the top. I should see if it was archived on Webarchive anywhere.
So, perhaps my thoughts on that site are tainted from that guy (who is doing WAY more harm to the industry than good).
Usually, the only times I encounter that site is when somebody on a video game BBS links an article by James Au Wagner. Wagner may very well be the worst writer on the Internet. Back on the Old Man Murray forum (this was a few years back) someone directed him to a thread where we were all ripping the shit out of him, and he started a thread that was just oozing with his patented retardation entitled something like, "Attention: Future Columbiners...." It was really over the top. I should see if it was archived on Webarchive anywhere.
So, perhaps my thoughts on that site are tainted from that guy (who is doing WAY more harm to the industry than good).
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!
-
Worm
- Posts: 3626
- Joined: Sat Aug 24, 2002 12:53 am
- Location: tucked away between the folds of your momma, safe
-
AArdvark
- Posts: 17735
- Joined: Tue May 14, 2002 6:12 pm
- Location: Rochester, NY
Oh boy just wait till I post the article from 'American History reference Guide' on the American history of advertising... basicly it says the same thing thats happening today was happening back in the turn of the century.
Has a beer company ever put out a woman oriented commercial? maybe women don't drink enough beer to be considered a 'target' audience.
THE
TAP THE KEG OF SOCIETY
AARDVARK
Has a beer company ever put out a woman oriented commercial? maybe women don't drink enough beer to be considered a 'target' audience.
THE
TAP THE KEG OF SOCIETY
AARDVARK
-
Debaser
- Posts: 878
- Joined: Tue Jun 25, 2002 9:55 pm
- Location: Aurora, IL
A note on the beauty of exploitive advertisements and Las Vegas:
There are these new tourism ads out for Las Vegas and most of them are fairly unremarkable bits of fluff about how the people on vacation there get "so crazy". But there's this one, right, where in the middle of a montage of women with their boyfriends announcing how the city makes them hot. Anyway, it's these two women (late twenties, early thrirties) interacting with body language that might be described as "flirtatious". Anyway, one of them turns to the camera and says "Rules? Sure I've got rules, but I left them at home.", thereby subtly hinting without outright announcing that Vegas has magically opened her mind to the wonderful possibilities of girl on girl. Not the type of implication you're prepared to deal with while watching the "Superman as Russel Crowe in Gladiator" episode of Justice League, I can assure you, but Siva bless them for somehow slipping it in.
There are these new tourism ads out for Las Vegas and most of them are fairly unremarkable bits of fluff about how the people on vacation there get "so crazy". But there's this one, right, where in the middle of a montage of women with their boyfriends announcing how the city makes them hot. Anyway, it's these two women (late twenties, early thrirties) interacting with body language that might be described as "flirtatious". Anyway, one of them turns to the camera and says "Rules? Sure I've got rules, but I left them at home.", thereby subtly hinting without outright announcing that Vegas has magically opened her mind to the wonderful possibilities of girl on girl. Not the type of implication you're prepared to deal with while watching the "Superman as Russel Crowe in Gladiator" episode of Justice League, I can assure you, but Siva bless them for somehow slipping it in.
-
Ice Cream Jonsey
- Posts: 30067
- Joined: Sat Apr 27, 2002 2:44 pm
- Location: Colorado
- Contact:
I know that I wrote this in the Troll Room already, essentially, but : bwa-hahahahaha!Debaser wrote:Not the type of implication you're prepared to deal with while watching the "Superman as Russel Crowe in Gladiator" episode of Justice League, I can assure you, but Siva bless them for somehow slipping it in.
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!
-
Protagonist X
- Posts: 200
- Joined: Tue Jun 04, 2002 11:20 am
- Location: A fortified bunker deep beneath the Arizona desert surface.
An addenda to this one and some of the other posts raised:Debaser wrote:A note on the beauty of exploitive advertisements and Las Vegas:
Remember around last Superbowl there was a "less filling/tastes great" ad involving a catfight in a fountain between two ridiculously stacked models? Yeah, that one. Instant success and all that, likely spawned a few sequels.
First, it was so over the top that they had to tack on that self-referential pomo ironic tag at the end showing the guys in a bar who "thought up" the ad, with their girlfriends looking at them in amazement/disgust.
Irony is a dangerous mistress -- I can't decide whether this was a knowingly sly jibe at one-track-minded titties-and-beer thinking, or a devious way to get that by people who'd object by saying "but look! It makes fun of that kind of thing and so it's okay!" followed by a sotto voce "(mwah-hahaha, suckers!)" Or maybe both.
Second, whatever the hypocrisy of the ad, it's clearly trumped by the network that refused to air travel ads for Las Vegas during the Superbowl. On the grouns that "Las Vegas sends the wrong sort of image [drinking, sex, gambling on sports events] for a wholesome family entertainment purveyor like pro football." And yet the same people had no problem with the "catfight in a fountain" ad.
I think this kind of cognitive dissonance deserves a big, hearty What The Fuck?
-
Ice Cream Jonsey
- Posts: 30067
- Joined: Sat Apr 27, 2002 2:44 pm
- Location: Colorado
- Contact:
Having the two dorks at the end of the Catfight ad (and, with the two gronks and their "girls" there it was nice to see like eight different ethnicities representeed by four people) made Miller or Coors or Bud or whoever GIANT pussies. I agree with your second rationalization: the ad wizards who came up with it wanted an "out."
Here are some fun facts:
1) There are large numbers of photos out on the Internet of the brunette in that ad wearing, well, nothing.
2) The blonde's name was registered as an URL by Jolt Country's own Da King. I can't remember what her name actually is, but if you go to Da King's homepage at www.metasmo.com, I think he has a link there to it. He was hoping for the blonde's career to take off so he could sell the URL at a profit.
Here are some fun facts:
1) There are large numbers of photos out on the Internet of the brunette in that ad wearing, well, nothing.
2) The blonde's name was registered as an URL by Jolt Country's own Da King. I can't remember what her name actually is, but if you go to Da King's homepage at www.metasmo.com, I think he has a link there to it. He was hoping for the blonde's career to take off so he could sell the URL at a profit.
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!
-
Protagonist X
- Posts: 200
- Joined: Tue Jun 04, 2002 11:20 am
- Location: A fortified bunker deep beneath the Arizona desert surface.
Having read that, I unconsciously moved my hand towards the mouse to google the topic. I caught myself when I realized that Google is more than a search engine to me: it is now a motor reflex response.
I look forward to a Google feature that lets you know exactly where a search is ranked, sort of like the way that Amazon lets budding authors obsess over their book being #111,213. Or whatever.
They occasionally let on what the topmost searches of the month were, as far as I know, but I still think it would be a cool html toy to watch given phrases translated onto a graph, letting you track the bizarre memes you want.
Of course, some blog-happy asshole would start skewing the markings then by enlisting all his friends to keep typing "miller catfight brunette nude" or "Full throttle downloads warez" or "Paris cola lubricant" or something to see how much influence that has. But still. It'd be interesting to track pop culture this way.
Oh, and props to Da King for upholding the capitalist dream.
I look forward to a Google feature that lets you know exactly where a search is ranked, sort of like the way that Amazon lets budding authors obsess over their book being #111,213. Or whatever.
They occasionally let on what the topmost searches of the month were, as far as I know, but I still think it would be a cool html toy to watch given phrases translated onto a graph, letting you track the bizarre memes you want.
Of course, some blog-happy asshole would start skewing the markings then by enlisting all his friends to keep typing "miller catfight brunette nude" or "Full throttle downloads warez" or "Paris cola lubricant" or something to see how much influence that has. But still. It'd be interesting to track pop culture this way.
Oh, and props to Da King for upholding the capitalist dream.
-
loafergirl
- Posts: 688
- Joined: Thu May 02, 2002 1:26 pm
- Location: Rochester
Bear commercial?Violet wrote:That's my favorite drink but then again I'm all for girl on girl. OOOH and guy on guy, how about that for a bear commercial. Some sexy twin guys making out, now that would be hot. Really HOT.
Sexy twin guys suddenly being mauled by the Labats bear? I'd pay to see that shit... and then a couple hottie chick twins all "wow, you're strong, wanna hang out at our tent?" to the bear... *LOL* Sex AND violence!
-LG
1, 2, 5!
3 sir...
3!
3 sir...
3!
-
James Bond, terrified
-
Worm
- Posts: 3626
- Joined: Sat Aug 24, 2002 12:53 am
- Location: tucked away between the folds of your momma, safe
Well, you guys of course prompted a google for "bear sex" http://www.emyrs.com:8080/bears/default.asp Gummi bears ... cute huh? Oh, and bear is the porno term for a hairy fat man. I can't seem to find any pictures of chicks who were willing to tackle smokey ... oops!
Still, I do reccomend you make as many commercials as you can showing incestious homosexual male content. Just so I could start writing for something like the salon.
Still, I do reccomend you make as many commercials as you can showing incestious homosexual male content. Just so I could start writing for something like the salon.
Good point Bobby!