This is the first Toys 'R Us I ever visited and, up until I moved a few years ago, pretty much the only one. When they built it, it was in a great area -- away from downtown and near the biggest mall in the state. Today the area is a ghost town. The mall closed down, the neighborhood went to shit, and it's all one exit away from half the strip clubs in town. When Toys 'R Us mentioned they were closing a bunch of stores this year, it didn't surprise me in the slightest to learn this was one of them.
The large picture of Geoffrey the Giraffe has been removed, replaced with this sign informing you that along with the toys, all shelves, display stands, and even the break room appliances are for sale.
In case you don't know what's on sale, the answer is "everything," and Toys 'R Us has done a fine job in putting clearance tags on every single thing in the store. There are clearance signage at the top of each aisle, clearance tags on every peg, even clearance banners hanging from the ceiling -- which, I'm sure for the right price, are also for sale. Some things are 30% off, some are 50% off, and a few are 70% off. Pretty much everything is on sale... except for LEGO. LEGO will sell for full price until the end of time and doesn't need your goddamn charity.
I should also mention that no matter how bright and colorful these pictures look, the first thing Toys 'R Us sold was apparently their air conditioner. I have a lot of great memories of this place as a kid and none of them included sweaty pits.
Even with everything on clearance, nobody was in the store. Actually, that's not true. The few people who were in the store shopping looked exactly like me. They were all overweight, white, middle-aged men, wandering up and down the toy aisles wondering how much their wives would love a Superman vs. Batman Hot Wheels race track for Mother's Day. There were no moms or kids shopping in the store.
Also, take a look at just how many "clearance" and "for sale" banners are visible in this picture. Even in bankruptcy, Toys 'R Us was willing to go the extra mile and print multiple banners for every single aisle. I am sure they were paid for with hot checks and you really haven't seen sad until you've seen a giraffe in prison.
In the middle of one of the aisles, someone had removed a large chunk of shelving. This sign explains the rules: your tools, you clean up after yourself, and so on. I'm not entirely sure why the one section of shelving missing was right in the middle of an aisle. It's kind of like demanding the first slice of cake at a birthday party, and asking for it not to be an edge piece.
I wish this was the part of the story where I said, "I was so sad I couldn't bring myself to buy anything," but -- did you see those clearance prices? I bought all this stuff! Those Twin Peaks figures were marked $29.99 with a 70% discount! And a Star Wars Speeder Bike DRONE? Those things were $149.95 when they first came out. I paid $41.99! Maybe if Toys 'R Us ran a few more sales and spent a little less on clearance banners, they might not be in this mess, amirite?
While waiting in line to check out (if you thought there was more than one register lane open you are insane), I noticed a display of Marvel figures to my left and an ice cream freezer to the right. The Marvel display was filled with 900 of the same action figure, someone I didn't recognize. It reminded me of when I was a kid and TG&Y would run an ad saying their Star Wars figures were on sale and I would beg my mom to take me there only to find an entire aisle full of Lobots and Twin Pod Cloud Car pilots. Fuck you, Bespin employees. Also the ice cream freezer was empty, and the actual freezer had been sold.
On the way out the door, the gap-toothed, tatted-up princess behind the register asked me if I wanted to join their rewards club. I didn't answer, and she didn't wait for one. Maybe next time, sistah.
Oh, right.
