Jolt Country

the fire hydrant in the front of my house: For being so damn hard to navigate around.

the dent in the back of my new old car: for being there.

Nooooo1!!!!!

A dent? Oh noes!

Say it isn't so, Violet!


I had my first Neon for maybe three months when it got crumpled. I was going to pick Jeff up from work and a guy ran into me.

Thanks, Jeff!

Oh, and I'm still pissed at Jonsey for the time that his shitty truck was parked behind my Porsche, and he went to move it (or leave or something) while the rest of us were standing there. He proceeds to put the truck in Drive instead of Reverse, hits and gas, and looks on with a vapid, slightly shocked look while he hits my motherfucking classic old Porsche with his truck, collapsing one of my bumper shocks and making the bumper a little crooked.

What did I get for recompense? A few "sorry"s, years of anguish, and not one fucking dime - hey Jonsey, friendship is all well and good, but it doesn't pay the bills, knowwhatImean? Toss the salad!

I'm now pissed at Vitre-cola for dodging my inquiry into her false accusations lobbed at me, like so many random bullets fired in the air during an Iraqi wedding.

I'm also pissed at myself for thinking "what fire hydrant" when reading <strike>Big J's</strike> Violet's tale of woe. I've been in and out of that driveway more times than I've been in and out of... errr, you know, but I can't say with any confidence just where the fire hydrant is. Regardless, my sincerest sympathies, J, and I hope the damage isn't too severe. If it's mainly a dent, perhaps we can hammer it out - though I suspect hitting a fairly immovable object like a fire hydrant would also take some paint off.

I would assume that you'll be over tonight, J? If so, we'll take a look then. If some paint has scraped off, we'll need to put some primer on any exposed bare metal right away, before it starts to rust.

Jethro Q. Walrustitty wrote:Oh, and I'm still pissed at Jonsey for the time that his shitty truck was parked behind my Porsche, and he went to move it (or leave or something) while the rest of us were standing there. He proceeds to put the truck in Drive instead of Reverse, hits and gas, and looks on with a vapid, slightly shocked look while he hits my motherfucking classic old Porsche with his truck, collapsing one of my bumper shocks and making the bumper a little crooked.

??? You had no damage done to it whatsoever, except that it was covered in spittle from you after I gave it a light, friendly, tap.

Yeah, I guess it really mattered in the end, since you had it CRUSHED. It was originally 914. It became a Borg Cube.

No damage? I'm not kidding here - the bumper shock was collapsed and the rear bumper was crooked from that day forward.

If it weren't for that, I might well have kept the damn thing instead of parting it out and buying a Lotus! Nice work, "Crash" Sherwin!

My car has seen a new low, yes a dent is on it's bumper. There is a little paint loss but all in all its not that big. It was a stupid mistake. It's horrible hurting your car for the first time, but at least it's not hanging over my head anymore. I was trying to be so careful before. I guess I was trying to be too careful. That's when you make the most mistakes.

Why is it that with a knickname like Big J everyone thinks your fat? Jeff why do you care so much that I'm not big j over here? It doesn't matter really does it?

Jethro Q. Walrustitty wrote:No damage? I'm not kidding here - the bumper shock was collapsed and the rear bumper was crooked from that day forward.

You have NEVER mentioned that. This is the first I've heard of this. I believe you are just making this up, because this is complete news.

If it weren't for that, I might well have kept the damn thing instead of parting it out and buying a Lotus! Nice work, "Crash" Sherwin!

Okay, now I know you are kidding. You had that thing sized up Rubik's-style for the crusher two seconds after it caught your fancy -- don't deny it. Ferdinand Porsche thought that he could give the people a taste of what it was like to drive one of his superior-engineered automobiles with the help of Hitler because that's what he does. You got one and decided that it just wasn't "boxy" enough. That's what you do.

Anyway, it's too bad that it's not around right now. The 914 may not be good for daily transportation or anything, but find an orange shirt and you could do a hell of a Q*bert impression with it.

I'm kidding about keeping it (let's face it, Lotus > Porsche any day), but I'm not kidding about the damage, and you must have blocked it out, because it was immediately visible (of course) and was mentioned several times over the years.

Violet, I don't believe anyone said anything regarding your "Big J" nickname, which was a nickname that I give to people occasionally. (Well, Big + first initial. Not necessarily "Big J" exactly.) Has nothing to do with anything, just as saying to someone, "hey, big guy" doesn't imply that he's a waddling tub of lard, or that the "big man on campus" is actually there for the scientific study of gravy addiction.

Regardless, the dent is a little ugly but fortunately is in the plastic bumper, not the metal fender, so you can live with it - or, take it over to Ferrari Dan's some time and get an idea of what it'll take to bandaid-fix it (since I don't think you want to buy a whole new bumper.) I would guess a couple hundred bucks or so. I might almost suggest calling junkyards looking for a good rear bumper to match, but yours is a fairly unusual color, and having to repaint it would probably cost enough that, if you were going to go that route, you might as well just get a new one.

Jethro Q. Walrustitty wrote:I might almost suggest calling junkyards looking for a good rear bumper to match, but yours is a fairly unusual color, and having to repaint it would probably cost enough that, if you were going to go that route, you might as well just get a new one.

Missed this the first time around. But it was really solid of you to go tell your sister-in-law to visit a JUNKYARD.

Jethro Q. Walrustitty wrote:He proceeds to put the truck in Drive instead of Reverse, hits and gas, and looks on with a vapid, slightly shocked look while he hits my motherfucking classic old Porsche with his truck, collapsing one of my bumper shocks and making the bumper a little crooked.

He knew you were going to have it crushed anyways. He was just getting a jump start on the process. And free of charge. You should THANK him for that!

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:

Jethro Q. Walrustitty wrote:I might almost suggest calling junkyards looking for a good rear bumper to match, but yours is a fairly unusual color, and having to repaint it would probably cost enough that, if you were going to go that route, you might as well just get a new one.

Missed this the first time around. But it was really solid of you to go tell your sister-in-law to visit a JUNKYARD.

Calling doesn't equal visiting.

Anyways, just looking out for my baby sister.

Getting one the right color would also eliminate the problems that you see on some junkyard rescues, like the junkyard bed on Da King's "murple purple" truck, where the outside is purple, but the fenderwells are very clearly red.