Jolt Country

Here is how it turned out:

Pinback: You pink flamingo-eating, galciv-playing BASTARD
Pinback: Livin' the life!
ICJ: Benjamin!
ICJ: The pink flamingo? A solid D!
Pinback: Oooo.
ICJ: Maybe a D+!
ICJ: Well, look
ICJ: I basically took all the ingredients and threw them into a skillet.
Pinback: Those substitutions didn't work out?
ICJ: They did not!
Pinback: Ah!
Pinback:I'm sorry.

ICJ: Also, tomato paste? ACTUALLY A PASTE!
ICJ: I didn't take that literally.
Pinback: It's a little pasty.
ICJ: It comes in a tube.
Pinback: A tuuuube?
Pinback: I've never heard of that, but I guess it could work!
ICJ: You have to open it by reversing the cap, and pricking the opening, like you do with super glue.
Pinback: Whoa!
ICJ: Yeah
Pinback: That's some fancy, or perhaps ultra-cheap tomato paste!
ICJ: It was $4.50?
Pinback: Fancy!
Pinback: WHAT?!?!?
Pinback: The little contadina cans are like 70 cent! But okay!

ICJ: I wanted to see how the recipe would go if I just threw everything together.
Pinback: And now we know.
ICJ: Yes
Pinback: D+!
Pinback: But a D+ Pink Flamingo is like.. what, a C- anything else.
ICJ: So next time, I am going to print out the recipe, and follow it.

ICJ: It's like, I had a first date with Pink Flamingo to see if she was easy.
ICJ: She's not!
ICJ: So now I am willing to make an investment of time.
Pinback: I like that you are experimenting though. That's how you really cook.
ICJ: Yeah, for instance, I had a single peanut after dinner, and I think adding a sprinkling of "nuts" might be good. Then I remember there is already bacon, cheese and cream involved, and sometimes one pie is enough.
Pinback: You wanted to see if Pink Flamingo would go for anal fisting straight away! But she's not that kind of girl/slash/high-sodium meal.
ICJ: Haha! Exactly! Could I get away with doing the bare minimum??
ICJ: I can't!
ICJ: And that is fine. I am ready ... willing to invest the time to do it right.

Pinback: And in the meantime, you still got a barely-edible meal out of it.
ICJ: I was able to shove the pasta and fluid into my thorax. Yes.

There should be no tomato paste. Here's is what you shouild be doing:

Cut a bunch of fat off bacon, cook it until you fucking like it

Take out bacon, cook some chicken pieces, however large as you fucking like them, in the bacon grease.

Take out chicken, throw some garlic and shallot YES SOME FUCKING SHALLOT, WERE YOU RAISED IN A BARN

For like 20 seconds, and throw in the white wine, reduce almost completely

Then throw in the chicken broth, reduce to like half

You have been cooking the pasta

Grate the 1 cup cheese, and only buy the parmesean reggiano, because it is garbage without it

toss in the cream

add the cjicken, bacon, basil, reduce until you fucking like the texture

Add in the pasta, add the cheese, fucking eat it.

No goddamn tomato paste

Who are you? Don't matter. WANT SOME RYE? COURSE YA DO

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Pink Flamingo wrote:No goddamn tomato paste

It's not "Pink Flamingo" without the tomato paste, because the tomato paste mixed with the cream is what makes it pink.

I would like some rye please.

EDIT: If there's a better tuba solo in video gaming history, I have not come across it.

Well, a two year hiatus between posts.


need some rye indeed.

Haha, I just made this for a batch of new people a couple weeks ago and it's still one of the best things I ever put in my face. And I told them the story of its creation beforehand and made everyone swear to never use anything except wacky pasta. I also made Kashmiri chicken recently and it went over quite well.

Vitriola wrote:

There is no excuse for this photograph. I just made it for the first time in, what, seven years tonight, and it looked delicate, clean, and oh so appetizing. Not like this ungodly, puke-inducing mess of a culinary nightmare.

UNACCEPTABLE.

pinback wrote:There is no excuse for this photograph. I just made it for the first time in, what, seven years tonight, and it looked delicate, clean, and oh so appetizing. Not like this ungodly, puke-inducing mess of a culinary nightmare.

UNACCEPTABLE.

That pink flamingo is from 2004. Anything left to sit for that long will congeal and not look as it did when it was first served.

Bumping this because I am gonna make this this week.

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:Bumping this because I am gonna make this this week.

There better be a picture, and it BETTER look better than that snotpile up above.

There will and there won't, Ben. There will and there won't.

One of my stocking-stuffers this year was a bag of WACKY SHAPED PASTA.

So, tonight?

It's AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWN.

That is a great stocking stuffer, apropos of nothing.

I would like Mina to try the Pink Flamingo.

And so we have come full circle, as the original wacky pasta that inspired the invention of this recipe was...a stocking stuffer.

And what do they call the person in a supermarket who puts on the shelves the material used to fill the inside of a turkey or chicken to be baked?

A stuffing stocker.