Fortune Cookie Malice

[bruce]

And today's is You will get an offer that will be hard to turn down.

Yes,now a FUCKING FORTUNE COOKIE is MAKING ME AN OFFER I CAN'T REFUSE. I am being EXTORTED by an INANIMATE ALMOND COOKIE. I got the GODDAMN MOBSTER fortune cookie. I will find a COCKSUCKING HORSE HEAD in my Pho the next time I go to a Vietnamese restaurant.

Fuck this Asian food. Mexican food might give me gas but at least it doesn't give me thinly-veiled THREATS.

Bruce

[chris]

Did anybody hear of the lottery (I think it was a state lottery or Powerball or something) that had 110 2nd place winners? The number was unusually high, so they decided to investigate why (figuring it was criminal mischief of some sort).

Turned out that some Chinese food place had given out fortune cookies that said "Your lucky numbers are <something>", and the numbers ended up being the winning lottery numbers a few days later. 110 people had received these fortune cookies, played the numbers, and won about $100,000 each.

[pinback]

I will find a COCKSUCKING HORSE HEAD in my Pho the next time I go to a Vietnamese restaurant.

Ah, the number 14!

(BTW: What is "bible tripe", anyway? The entrails of Jesus? Cuz if so, Mmmm-MM! That's good Jesus!)